We had to make the hardest decision to send our baby boy Milo “Bubby” across the Rainbow Bridge on June 13th and I don’t even know how to pick up the pieces to stop crying. He was so much more then a kitty to me. He was my protector, my son, my love, my anti-anxiety, my coworker. He made me laugh all the time with his goofball attitude, always greeted me at the door. He was my alarm clock.
He declined very fast and I wish I saw the signs more but I didn’t and have major guilt over it. I intitally thought he was having teeth issues and being picky about his food. His little kidneys were in the last stage of chronic kidney disease.
Bubby was always our little medical issue dude. He was so special. He came back from a near death experience in 2014 after a double blood transfusion. We found out somehow he had a parasite. In 2017, he had a bladder/kidney stone issue and required bladder stone surgery. I thought this time he might have had one last fight but he didn’t.
In 2014, during his first stay at the hospital we found out his kidneys were not great. One was pretty bad. We knew we were going to have a shortened time with him but I didn’t think this short. He would have been 10 in July. We were planning a decade party for him and his sister (Lola his littermate).
We knew it was time. He lost the Bubby look in his eyes. It’s like his soul was already gone. He just looked blank. We both held him and when it was time my husband held him. He was his best friend. My husband said Bubby nuzzled his head into his neck when he passed. I find comfort knowing that Bubby went to heaven in his safe spot. I just wish he didn’t have to go to heaven at all. I had a very hard time leaving him. My husband had to tell me to leave. I would have stayed there for hours kissing his little body and hugging him. He means the world to me.
I can’t believe he’s gone. He was the most lovable guy who was a rag doll. He loved to be cuddled and was always with us. He was always right behind me or in our arms. He would come running over every morning for his Pepcid. He would reach up our legs for us to pick him up like a baby. He couldn’t get enough of us and we couldn’t get enough of him. And now he’s gone and the house just feels so empty without his ginger swagger walking around. He was my coworker 3 days a week. He would lay in my arms while I was working. He was protector. We have an 8 month old baby girl and the last trimester I couldn’t sleep in the bed so I slept on the couch. He slept with me every night.
We’re trying to give his sister so much attention now as I know she knows he’s gone. She was with him til the end watching over him. Before we left for the vet on Wednesday I made sure they saw each other and they licked each other’s faces. I guess I knew in my heart this was it.
Now I’m trying to figure out how to go on. I feel like he took my heart and soul with him. Everything just reminds me of him. I just feel so empty. I don’t know how else to describe it. My head feels heavy and I feel like I’m functioning as a machine to get by. Everything just aches and hurts.
RIP little man 💜 Wait for mommy and I’ll love and squeeze and kiss you so much and never let you go. You have my heart.
Bubby's (Milo) Mommy - Always & Forever My Little Man 💜