Forum
Sign up Calendar Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment  
divena

Registered:
Posts: 8
Reply with quote  #1 
on Monday I lost my best friend Tidy in a road accident. I was farm sitting at a place we have stayed at many times. Tidy often went off in the morning for half an hour or so to chase rabbits,I wasnt too concernened but started to worry after an hour,just then I had a call to say she had been hit on the main road. She was always very independant but I had a gut feeling she was in danger this time,it seems as though the crow scarers has frightened her and she had run up the hill to the road. I feel so guilty for leaving her out for longer than I should,I should have kept her safe.
I had Tidy 8 years ago from a pup,we have been through everything together,I chose every house I have lived in because of Tidy,ie not living near busy roads,we had just moved to a cottage on a farm miles from the danger of traffic. I sat by her grave yesterday and begged forgivness,Ive not stopped crying for a week now,I cant sleep or eat,I dont want to speak to anyone,that little dog was the reason I got up in the morning. Ive lost horses and dogs in the past but it has been my desision to have them put to sleep because they were suffering. This I cant deal with,having her taken away from me because of my own negligence. I come down the drive and shes not there in the barn,shes not there to wake me in the morning,Im just holding her coller writing this,Ive never felt so much pain,I miss her so very much..I cant see an end to this,I just want her back. She was the happiest little thing on earth,my best friend. Ive let her down I cant forgive myself.

Attached Images
jpeg Image022tidy.jpg (19.32 KB, 12 views)

0
Susie_Squillions

Registered:
Posts: 947
Reply with quote  #2 
Dear Divena,

I can feel your pain and guilt in every word you've written, and my heart aches for you.  Although it might be too soon for you to accept the idea of forgiving yourself, please try to keep in mind the fact that you never would have let Tidy out alone if you had dreamed this would happen. She knows that, and for her there is nothing to forgive.  She knows how well loved she was while she was with you, and she knows that love will continue to grow forever.  The bond you share with her is eternal.  She is absolutely adorable. 

You have already stated that both of you were familiar with the farm and that Tidy had gone our on her own there before.  Your guilt might be justified if you had taken her to a new place and set her free before exploring the lay of the land with her first, but in this situation, you had every reason to believe she would be safe and happy.

My prayer is that when she ran into the street, she just kept running for the Rainbow Bridge, never feeling a thing.  I know that my Bridge Kitties are probably lining up, asking her for Tidy-back rides.  Especially my little Bengal Cat, Buddy Guy, who was fascinated by the dogs when he was in the clinic during the last two weeks of his time with us.  I promise you, there is no better snuggler of dogs at the Bridge than my Bud.

Tidy is your special angel, and she will never be more than a whisper away from you.  She hears your words, and she is wrapping her wings around you, trying her best to comfort you now.

You and Angel Tidy are both in my thoughts and prayers.



__________________
My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
0
Goobiesbf

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 61
Reply with quote  #3 
I'm so sorry for the loss of your Tidy.  The first days are excruciating.  Our fur kids are supposed to be where we expect them to be, where they've always been, and they're not.  Missing them seems to be more than we can handle.  It's so frustrating because we can't go back in time and do anything about it and that's all we want to do. We want them back with us with all our hearts and souls... but it just isn't meant to be. And that thought rips our hearts out over and over and over again during the first days and weeks. It will get better, little by little, day by day.  You'll have periodic relapses, times when all the feelings come back to visit and you'll think you can't stand it, but the painfully emotional times will be fewer and further apart as time goes on.

There was no way you could've known what would happen that day.  It was just as likely that Tidy would've come home like she always did.  You just couldn't have known.  You can only blame yourself if you knew all the circumstances and still let her roam longer than she should have.  But you didn't know.  The guilt is something we all deal with no matter how we loose our little guys and girls.  We feel responsible for their deaths because we've always been responsible for everything in their lives. 

Be patient and kind to yourself during this very, very difficult time.  Try to sleep, try to eat, try to take care of yourself.  Tidy knows that you love her now just like you've always loved her.  Your Tidy would be first in line to give you a wag and a lick of affection right now. She wouldn't blame you or hold a grudge. Dogs are really practical that way.  Don't you think she would expect you to forgive yourself?  Just looking at her, all spunky-looking and ready to go, tells me that she had a blast living the life you made for her. One day soon, the emotional clouds will clear and you'll be able to appreciate the gift of the time you had with her.  Right now you're feeling like your life is never going to be right again.  It will be different because knowing Tidy has changed you but it will be OK again... just hang on.  We're here for you and we all know what you're going through.

0
divena

Registered:
Posts: 8
Reply with quote  #4 
Thank you,both of you,for your kind words.
Suzie you saying that Tidy was running to Rainbow Bridge is so comforting. All she loved to do was run and chase,or she was sitting by me in the car or at home. So many of my friends have put messages on Facebook,its amazing that everyone had a memory of her,they all met her as she went everywhere with me.
What I am finding so hard is the emptyness in the house,the silence. Until four years ago I maybe had 4 dogs,when one left to go to the bridge I had to comfort and continue to care for the others,for years now it has just been myself and Tidy..thats the hard part.
Two years ago I found Tidy a husband,she held a pregnancy but gave birth to one stillborn puppy,Ill never forget how frantic she was when I had to take the puppy away,for over a week she cried and looked around the farm for her puppy. She was distraught,it was one of the most awful times with her,I was heartbroken for her,I held her and cuddled her,I hope she has found her baby now on the bridge.
Last summer she saw her husband again..the good news is she gave birth to one puppy,Ive not been able to bring myself to tell Titus"s owners his mummy has gone yet..
Your kind words are a help in this horrible time,I have read so many stories on here,our bond with our pets is the greatest thing.
Im lost without Tidy,its been a week today..I just wish I had the power to turn the clock back,but so do so many others here..I dont feel quite so alone now..thank you xx
0
AmandaW01

Registered:
Posts: 22
Reply with quote  #5 

Sending you so much love and support in this time. 5 weeks ago my boxer boy Brock went to the bridge in the same way - he never went near the road, but bolted out after a rabbit and was killed almost instantly. I didn't realise the gate had been left open, I've blamed myself totally, I should have ensured he was safe, I should have done this, I should have done that, so many what ifs and if onlys, but its only now that I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that if I'd known for a second he wasn't safe I wouldn't have let him go. If I'd known the gate was open (I presume it was, he may even have jumped the fence, I'll never know) I wouldn't have let him out, if I'd thought that last time I let him out for his business that he wouldn't come back then I'd have let him do it all over the floor rather than risk for a second losing him, but it was his time, and like Tidy I hope that he just ran straight to the bridge and is running still.  God I miss him, I miss him so very very much, its so very hard, and I so feel for you being at the beginning of this awful journey, but it really does get easier, day by awful day until suddenly you realise you haven't cried for a few hours, then a day, and then the pain eases and although you don't get over something like this, it does get easier to live with.  You did nohing wrong, you had no reason to think that this would happen. You sound anything other than a blase owner who just let her dog run loose without thinking about the consequences - if that was the case then yes, maybe it would be your fault, but you aren't that person, you loved her with all your heart and would have done anything to protect her, its just that sometimes these things just happen no matter how hard we try to keep them safe and then we're left here living with it.  She knows how much you loved her, she knows how deeply you cared for her, and yes, I think she is with her baby now and having a ball :-)  She'll be waiting for you xxxx  My heart goes out to you, I really do feel your pain, I've been there only a few short weeks ago and I'm so so sorry that we have to meet in this way, but you have friends here, the people here have given so much love and support and kindness and without them I'd still be a total wreck.  Allow yourself to grieve, to cry, and then to look at her gorgeous picture and smile knowing that she never knew anything but love and kindness and in her passing it was quick and she never had to suffer - that's what's got me through this xxxx

0
divena

Registered:
Posts: 8
Reply with quote  #6 

Thank you Amanda so much..so sorry to hear Brock was taken away from you the same way. I know niether you or I would have let our babies out if we knew they were in danger..but I imagine they were doing what comes naturally,chasing and running..I just pray that Brock or Tidy felt no pain. I wish we had the power to turn the clocks back and bring them home now. A home without a dog is just a house..its not fair. My relationship with Tidy was the longest I have ever had. My best friend,she had always been there for me when humans let me down. Im just waiting for a sign from her now,just to say she is ok..I feel her all around me,I hope you feel the same too..rest in eternal peace Brock and Tidy xx

0
River

Registered:
Posts: 39
Reply with quote  #7 
divena,

I'm sorry I'm so behind on my posts. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby to a car as well. It is just so painful to know that if we could just go back in time, we could change the outcome. How are you doing?
0
Goldiesgram

Registered:
Posts: 2
Reply with quote  #8 

I know what your feeling right now. The first two weeks after my chihuahua died are a blur to me. I have not had one day,after 11 months I have not cried.I felt and feel so guilty I didn't notice he was getting so sick.Looking  back of course I can see clearly he was trying to tell me.I let him down,and he NEVER let me down his whole life.I too have had dogs in my life and it always hurts to lose them. But this dog was different he lived to make me happy and did every day. He loved everyone, but loved me best and showed me every day. It will get more bearable,but that's all it's been for me so far. I am not the person I used to be. I pretend for my family,I don't want to bring them down or make them worry. People don't get it,it's been 11 months. I don't get it, but there's a hole in my heart and an emptiness in my life. I slept with his favorite toy and a piece of his fur for a long time. Give yourself lots of time and keep as busy as you can. Also talk to anyone who will listen to all your grief and heartache and your stories of your dog. Just hold on and know your dog would never blame you. And lives in your heart and soul. And I hope and pray you can find some comfort. Deb

0
divena

Registered:
Posts: 8
Reply with quote  #9 
Hi all..its 3 weeks today that I lost Tidy and only beginning to come to terms with the loss of her. Im afraid I had been unable to work for two weeks,I got into a real mess,(friends came round with food etc) as I refused to leave the house. I didnt eat properly for around 10 days and then caught a cold. I managed to drop a stone in weight,I just felt like punishing myself all the time. I couldnt even bear to sit in my car as she was always with me on the passenger seat..
Ive talked to friends a lot and that has helped,thankfully most people now know what has happened so I dont have to keep explaining where she is when they ask. Athough I think they assume Im "over it",Im putting on a brave face but still shed a tear when I think of her,Im lighting a candle for her tonight.
My friend did the awful job of filling in the insurance forms..I really wanted to throw it away as no amount of money would replace my baby..but I have been persuaded to use the money to have an oil painting done from the photographs I have.I will be planting some bulbs next to Tidy in the orchard too.
Another friend of mine lost her horse last week,and another lost her dog of 12 years,he passed away in his sleep,so all in all its been a very trying time for many of us. Im still very much in the grieving phase but trying to be kind to myself and support my other friends..
Not a moment goes by when Tidy is not in my thoughts,being on here has helped a lot so I must say thank you to you all..xx
0
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.