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pryiasmom

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Yesterday I euthanized my beautiful Pryia. She's been with me for 17 years. Over the last two weeks she'd lost the ability to jump, wouldn't eat (I was feeding her through a syringe but it was torture for both of us), had liquid in her chest cavity that kept needing to be drained, which was very painful for her and caused her not to be able to breathe well at all.  Knowing all of that, I talked with my vet and we decided it was best to put her to sleep.  At 17, she had lived a good life and the prognosis was poor.  She's the first pet I've ever put down and after I left yesterday I felt consumed by guilt.  I could've kept feeding her through a syringe.  I could've just picked her up and put her on the couch or bed (although she couldn't jump down).  I could've kept getting her chest cavity drained of the fluid.  Maybe I should've held on longer.  My logical mind is telling me that this would've been torture for her but my emotional brain is telling me I would've had more time.  I'm a mess.  I don't know what else to do and figured maybe others have been through the same and have some advice.  Thank you for listening.

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SadLou

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Reply with quote  #2 
Pryiasmom I am so sorry for your loss, it has now been one week to the day since I lost my beautiful Billy and we also had to put him down, mine being my first pet to do so with also, the what ifs and wondering make things so hard I still do that and regret so many things, I just wanted him to be happy and loved, I hope you find some comfort soon, I am a week along and still find it hard to do most things and not cry, the house is so empty without him, take care of yourself, wishing you comfort at this difficult time x
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MarkC

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Reply with quote  #3 
You have my sympathies, Pryiasmom. Our cat Mollie was put down Friday due to cancer. She was also 17 and also the first pet I’ve ever had to put down. I as well feel terrible guilt over my decision, even though it was the most humane thing to do. That feeling of ‘we could have had more time’ eats away at me every second, but she was in pain....pain that got worse every day. The animals we take into our homes rely on us.....and that includes the most difficult of decisions. I keep telling myself that the quality of her life for her sake is far more important than the quantity of life for my sake. I hope you find some peace.
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pryiasmom

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Reply with quote  #4 
Thank you all for your thoughtful words.  Mark, you are so right. I keep telling myself that she was trying to show me she was ready to go by not moving, not eating, not jumping...all the things that made her life happy.  It's so hard.  Wishing all of you peace as you navigate through this.  I'm a mess and hope it gets better.

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MarkC

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Reply with quote  #5 
Quote:
Originally Posted by pryiasmom
Thank you all for your thoughtful words.  Mark, you are so right. I keep telling myself that she was trying to show me she was ready to go by not moving, not eating, not jumping...all the things that made her life happy.  It's so hard.  Wishing all of you peace as you navigate through this.  I'm a mess and hope it gets better.




I feel the same, Pryiasmom. I’m told it gets better, but right now I just want to feel miserable. As I’ve said before...... I think that’s how it should be. Pets deserve to be with people whose hearts will break when they’re gone.
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AlabamaAnnie

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Reply with quote  #6 
I am so sorry for your loss. Making that decision is so extremely difficult. I have had to make it for a dog and a cat. You must trust that you made the most loving decision for your precous cat. It is so difficult to see them deteriorate, knowing that things will not get better. Please try to remember the love and joy that you feel for your precious girl...that lives on forever. I lost my precious Rain due to a horrible accident. I keep thinking that if I could go back in time, just a few minutes....maybe things would be different. I stayed home from work on Monday, but went to work today. I am not sure how I made it through the day. I just wanted to put my head down and cry...cry an ocean of tears for my sweet girl. The loss is all consuming and so very painful. I have other animals, but can only focus on the loss of my sweet Rain.
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pryiasmom

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Reply with quote  #7 
I am so sorry Annie.  I can tell how much you loved your precious Rain.  My broken heart is with you.
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cmgrier

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Reply with quote  #8 
I understand completely. I had to do my baby that way. To me, it felt like I was ending her life with a knife to her throat. Even though it was peaceful, to me it felt like I did a horrible act of violence to her. The immediate guilt I felt was overwhelming and still is smacking me in the face. I know it needed to be done so she could go peacefully and with me holding her and I keep having to repeatedly tell myself that. The guilt and regret are maddening. Couple that with just missing her and I feel like I might not survive this grief. I have to cry out to God to give me strength and, at the same time thank Him for giving me the strength to actually follow through with it and end her suffering.
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firefirst

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Reply with quote  #9 
Pyria,
I know how guilty I feel from what had to be done Monday to Adso.  We both made hard decisions.  The mere fact this has caused you grief and regret is a sign of what a wonderful guardian  you are.  I still am numb to what happened Monday, so I get where you are at.  I know time will help heal the wounds, yet Pyria will always be in your heart.  Take solace there are others out here who are going through this.  

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Canotgrieve

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Reply with quote  #10 
It is the sadest and most difficult thing we ever have to do. Taking the life of our precious fur babies is heartbreaking. I felt like we should have done more, but we were in shock. It was the only way we could do what we needed to do. He was the most important thing to us. He was so special to us. I miss him so very much. My husband says we can't second guess our decision. We had to trust his vet. We didn't want him to suffer. He didn't deserve that. He was such a good boy. I had him 16 years. We feel so blessed to have had Christopher in our lives. You need to grieve. We have cried so much for him. We also talk about him to keep his memory close. I am so sorry for all who have lost. I truly understand what you are feeling. This is not easy. I pray we can all heal.
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pryiasmom

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Reply with quote  #11 
Dear Pryia, it's now been three days and I am wracked with the most intense sadness I've ever had in my life.  More So than when my father passed away last year.  Perhaps it's because you were the only one who saw me in my worst moments...and still wanted to hug me anyway.  Living alone, with you and Pepper, gave me a solace.  Knowing I would come home to your inevitable attempts to snuggle up to me immediately confirmed there was someone in this world who loved me as desperately as I loved them.  Pepper and I are holding up.  She is certainly happy to get my extra cuddles but searches the house for you.  Yesterday she went under the bed, which she rarely does, and I'm sure it was an attempt to find you.  Although you always saw her as a bit of a nuisance, she loved you like the big sister you were.  I'm not sure how long this sadness will last.  I'm going about my life, taking all the steps of everyday reality, but feel so numb.  When I come home and you're not snuggled into your favorite warm blanket on the couch, my heart breaks all over again.  Looking at pictures of you just makes me want to cry.  But I do it because you were so beautiful and I miss you so much.  I hope you're surrounded by hoards of food.  That's how I imagine you.  I keep telling myself I did the right thing because you loved to eat and you hadn't taken a bite in a week.  Despite my best efforts to syringe feed you, you were trying to tell me it was time, but I'm still so wracked with guilt.  Should I have held on longer?  At least I would've had you to cuddle for another week or two, probably at the most.  But you're happy now...and able to move and jump and eat...you weren't able to do that anymore here, so I tell myself I did the right thing.  I hope I did.  I miss you so much.  There's nothing in the world like the sound of your purrs.  Love, mom 
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sjw292

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Reply with quote  #12 
It's such a hard decision. I get the "maybe if I..." and think maybe it will prolong their lives for a bit. I always wait too long. One cat in her end stage finally looked up at me with tears (yes, tears!) in her eyes. I called the vet immediately and took her in the next day. Do not feel guilty. Seventeen years is a nice, long, wonderful time.

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pryiasmom

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Reply with quote  #13 
Thank you ❤️ It’s been one of the hardest weeks of my life. Sending my best to you.
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Peter_S

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Reply with quote  #14 
It's a dreadful thing, grief - to those of us who can embrace the love of an animal at the deepest and most personal level the sorrow can crushing. I feel for you, I truly do, it was a little over a week ago that I had to put my beloved Bulldog Harley down and I am desperate, broken and lost. The grief of his loss is now a part of me as yours is of you. When we love as deeply as you've expressed our brains don't distinguish between human, canine or feline it only registers the searing pain we feel. But the healing process is ignited by this God awful pain of grief. Harley was fifteen which is very old for an Old English which he was and although age had certainly taken it's toll his quality of life was good, sometimes better than good. There was a time back in September we thought we might lose him, but he bounced back at about the same time I was diagnosed with colon cancer and he was there to see me through it, every step of the way.

I didn't want to admit that his quality of life had diminished  that he was suffering for me, surviving for me and I think you couldn't bare the thought of your beloved Pryia doing the same for you. Because you know they would, in a heart beat, they would fight for every breath just to be with us one more day. So we offer them one last gift, a release from their suffering and because our love for them transcends the love we have for ourselves, we let them go, knowing full well how terribly we'll suffer for it. How alone we'll feel and how our lives will be changed forever. But we knew this going in, we just don't think about it.

My shattered heart breaks for yours and wish you the same peace and solace that I myself long for. There's no way around this pain and much like cancer the only way past it is through it. Mourn her, weep for her, celebrate her life do whatever it is you have to do to get to safe harbor - close your eyes and feel her, breath her in and in time you'll see she's all around you, but the key word here is time and I think it's different for all of us. Reaching out is a huge step, soon you'll take more steps I hope we both will. Peter

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Harley, Our Beautiful Boy

"We could protect you from anything but time"

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/HARLE301/Resident.htm
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MarkC

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Reply with quote  #15 
Quote:
Originally Posted by pryiasmom
Thank you ❤️ It’s been one of the hardest weeks of my life. Sending my best to you.




It was one week yesterday that my Mollie left. I wrote a note on here at the exact time she passed, and it felt good to write something to/about her at that time. It was something small, but little things like that seem to help me. I think we all need to find the little things that help us move through what we’re feeling. Now, don’t get me wrong, I will never actually “get over” her death.....but I think that taking steps towards remembering the beauty of our pets lives instead of the darkness of the end is what we’re all hoping for. I also hope that we in this forum keep in touch with each other. This forum has been a blessing for me. We still have our Maggie who is 18, and I know I will need to write about her as well when the time comes. I wish we could could all meet for a coffee, a beer.....whatever. I can’t express enough how much talking to people here has helped me. 🙏
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