Please know that the pain will eventually become tolerable, dear. I know it's bad, God do I know. We all do here. And that was such a heartbreaking end to your poor darling friend. No words can describe the pain that I know you are feeling inside. It feels like you're just hollowed-out... ripped open... dried up. I know. But please, for your sake and your husband's, do everything in your power to eat and deal with this.
I was suicidal over losing my darling little female Dachshund, Precious. Like you and your baby, she was my best friend. I wound up having to call a grief hotline and was seriously considering joining my baby. My wife got so worried over me that she wound up having to be admitted to the emergency-room at our local hospital (where she works). She had a heart attack back in November, wound up have 6-bypasses. She's also a type-1 diabetic. Well, a couple nights after we had our Precious put down, I was having a bad time of it (wasn't eating, like you) and my wife's sugar plummeted and she had to be admitted to the ER. She was crying over me along with grieving for our baby girl; it was too much for her. That was a real wake-up call for me, too. I determined that I wasn't going to lose both my baby and
my darling wife! To think that I was even considering leaving my wife Yvonne in this world with not only the loss of our Precious but also the loss of her husband I now know is unthinkable. I was not in my right mind, and there's no way I'd do that to her. Especially after all she's been through. I loved my little Precious, God yes I did (and still do), but my Yvonne means everything to me.
Please know that eventually the pain really does
subside enough for you to keep going. You'll always feel an awful pit in your belly over your loss, you will, but it won't be more than you can bear. And if you allow yourself to, you will be able to show another special little one love.
Some people wait and grieve for months and even years before going out and adopting or otherwise, and I certainly understand that, but for my wife and I, we couldn't bear such an empty and quiet house. We adopted a little female Beagle-mix three days after our terrible day. It wasn't easy bringing Juno (the new baby) home so soon after losing my soul-mate. And I still am reeling from missing her. But Juno occupies our time and our minds... and she's very, very loving... and that really does
help us. Not to mention the fact that Juno needed a home and family. Now she has one. And we dote on her so!
Please believe that you can (and will) go on. Your baby would definitely want that for you (and your poor husband). Make sure that you let him, your husband, know each day that you don't blame him and that he has no reason to feel guilty. He couldn't have known that the little fella was going to bolt out under the car right then. I know that you both know this, but it's still worth the effort to acknowledge it and say it to him. Your little boy loved you and I'm sure he loved your husband, too. It was a tragic accident.
If there's a Heaven (and I believe there is), your little one is there. And you'll be reunited with him some day. Until then, keep trying to eat and live your life. Think about getting another sweet little one, too. There's one out there who needs a home and someone to love him/her. He (or she) can never "replace" your beautiful little fella, but you both may need (like my wife and I did) the silence in that house to be filled with something else. I couldn't handle grieving for long. It was getting seriously dangerous for us. Juno was an answer to a prayer. There's one out there for you, too. Please hear me.
Love and blessings,