Leathur
In spite of my Posts here, amidst all my grieving and hopefulness lies guilt.

6 months after I moved from a stable, calm environment that Diego had lived in his whole life to one that was filled with confrontation and instability, Diego began having issues. Issues that I thought were allergies. 20 months later he was dead from a tumor behind his right eye.

I have no idea if the stress of moving and dealing with my stress all these months caused his tumor. I saw how sensitive he was to my moments of extreme distress. He had never seen me angry. I had never been angry. Not like that. Not pushed to the point where I was screaming and crying at the same time.

I should've never left our safe haven. We were happy in Santa Clara. We were safe. I would do it over to have him back.

Diego, please forgive me. When I'm dead and with you at the Rainbow Bridge I will make it up to you. That time cannot come soon enough for me.
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CK1991
I’m sorry you lost your beloved Diego. Guilt is such a part of grieving, always thinking how we should have done things differently. You loved Diego very much and you made him feel special. That’s so important! Yes, there is stress in life sometimes and we wish it wouldn’t have to happen but it didn’t make Diego sick. Cats and all animals are much more resilient and understanding of situations than we sometimes give them credit for. You and Diego shared a wonderful bond. I understand why you feel devastated. I hope you continue to post here. Hugs to you!
CK
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Leathur
CK1991:

Thank you. I wish I was more resilient. This forum allows me a place to open-up where I can't elsewhere. The guilt I feel I cannot mention to anyone else. It wouldn't go over well.

I just appreciate being able to say it "outloud" instead of letting it sit and fester inside me.
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DogMom86
Guilt is part of the grieving process. I went through this a ton the first few days I lost both Mija and then London. First off, Mija had kidney disease. I beat myself up saying maybe I should have had all her teeth removed sooner (most of them were removed except for five) and what if it's my fault that bacteria got into her system and she got kidney disease? The problem with guilt is that it's misplaced. I couldn't prevent Mija aging. I also felt guilt because I fed her renal food. Did she hate it? She ate it, but what if I had tried something else? I had to euthanize both my dogs, so it's extra hard.

London was a 15 year old Golden Retriever who died three days after Mija. Yes, three days! Boy, I am filled with guilt over this. The vet found a tumor in her stomach area either her spleen or liver and it was most likely cancer. Could I have had her operated on? Should I have put her on fluids instead? Did me being stressed and Mija dying contribute to London's death?

Please don't beat yourself up. We love our furkids so much it's easy to assign blame to ourselves if any change happens and they get sick and die. Your baby was loved and didn't die just because you moved. 
Mija, Chihuahua: 2004-2019
16 years
London, Golden Retriever: 2005-2020
15 years

Mom to Misty, Sango, Tami, Abby, Kawaii and Pepita the Chihuahua

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Leathur
DogMom86:

Thank you for your kind words.
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Gmr
I am so sorry for your loss of Diego. I know what you are feeling. A yr ago at this time I put my house up for sale. I retired in Dec 2018 and wanted to downsize to an apt. So I have often thought if I stressed my dog Peanut to much with the packing and the actual move that it made her sicker. She was having some health issues that started a yr ago but after we moved to our apt. I had her only 6 mths here. I often times think too was the move to much for her? She did seem to like it in our new apt but since she was an older dog (14 yrs) was that stress just to much for her? It's been 2 mths since putting her down and I still have questions that come up in my mind.
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BoxerMomForever
Oh please don’t blame yourself. So sorry for your loss. Grief is very hard on a person. I’m finding that out.sometimes I rethink, well maybe if I would’ve did this or that, etc. where is that going to help? We were all great pet owners and our pets knew it. Hugs to you.
Linda *Mom to two boxer angels* Lily {White Girl} 6/22/09 - 10/14/19  ** Ginger {Flashy Fawn Girl} 6/4/97 - 5/28/09
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MikeK_123
I am sorry for loss.  Gracie was also a black cat.  You cannot blame yourself.  It sounds like your Diego had a wonderful person loving him.  I am certain he knew that.
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CK1991
“CK1991:

Thank you. I wish I was more resilient. This forum allows me a place to open-up where I can't elsewhere. The guilt I feel I cannot mention to anyone else. It wouldn't go over well.
just appreciate being able to say it "outloud" instead of letting it sit and fester inside me.”


It’s so important to let the grief and all the sadness out and you’re right this forum is a wonderful idea to have a place where we can feel free to do that. You’re doing the right thing not to let it sit inside and fester. Keep posting and just know that Diego is at peace now but he still loves you very much! Hugs to you!
CK






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