marnlars
Hi all ~
I lost our dear cat Jimmy on Friday at age 10.5.  He was diagnosed when he was about 3 years old with a heart murmer.  He was on heart pills for the last 3 years, and was such a trooper.  
A month ago I took him to the vet & they told me we were in the next stage & we needed to give him lasix to drain some of the fluid off the heart, and give him a different heart pill 2x a day.  I did that.  On Friday morning I let him outside at 7am, at 8am I called him & he peeked his head out of the flower patch where he liked to lie.  He was dragging his back end, and had no mobility in his legs.  I called my husband to call the vet.  My kids (ben - 7, fraser - 4) and husband & I took Jimmy to the vet.  They told us that they would put him on heprin to thin out the clot, but there was a 50/50 chance it would work.  We said bye to him, and walked out.  A couple hours later I got the phonecall that Jimmy had passed away due to a clot that entered the heart.  They tried to resuscitate him, but it didn't work.
We went in & saw his body an hour later & said goodbye.
I feel sick to my stomach.  I cannot stop crying.  I mean I CANNOT stop crying.  I am a friggin' mess, and I don't want time to pass because every minute that passes is a minute further from the time we spent together.  I am feeling guilty that I didn't get to say a proper goodbye.  I am guilty because we got another kitten 3 months ago, and she is now here, and he is not, and I don't even want her here because she is not cuddly like Jimmy.  She is totally active & runs around and is hyper.  And I know that is what they do as kittens, but she is not Jimmy, and I am trying to love her, and she just sits by the door waiting for him to come home..... :-( 
I used to touch Jimmy & he would start purring.  He used to climb on my chest, and come at the quick call.  He was more like a dog than a cat!  He was such an awesome boy.  I cannot make sense of any of this.  I am so confused, distraught, and am just dying inside.  I feel like someone has ripped my soul out.  I am so sad that I will never EVER see him again, hold him again, listen to his purring.  He was my support if my husband & I were arguing, or if I was challenged by my kids.  He was my rock.
He was with us through our first 10 years of marriage, birth of 2 children, 3 moves, death of our one cat 'monkey', and bringing home a new kitten 'petunia'.
I seriously feel like I am going crazy.  I am sooooo upset and sad....
Will it ever get better?  I am so sick with sadness...   

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Patricia
I am so, so sorry for the loss of your beloved Jimmy, and for the pain you are feeling.  I know that pain so well.  Three weeks ago, we lost our precious cat, Nick, to what is probably the same heart problem Jimmy had.

Nick had a progressive heart murmur, but had been doing well until he went into acute congestive heart failure.  He was literally suffocating, and so we had to make the horrible decision to end his life.  We could not bear to see him suffer like that.  He was 15 1/2, and had been with us through so many difficult times in life. 

My heart is still broken, and I find great comfort in putting my thoughts down on his page at Rainbow Bridge 

But, I do want to offer you some hope.  The first week Nick was gone, I was inconsolable.  I cried constantly, and literally could not function.  I didn't know where to go with the pain.  I did find help here, with the kind words people left at Nick's page, and also in the grief forum. 

The thought of a new cat was no help at all.  I just wanted Nick, and no other cat could replace him.  The next week was a little better.  I at least stopped crying constantly and was able to begin to function again.   I thought often about "what ifs".  What if we hadn't gone on vacation a few weeks before Nick got sick (maybe he was stressed by our being away, etc.)  It's so hard.

After three weeks, I am actually able to begin thinking about loving another cat, even though I know there will never be another Nick.  I am still extremely sad.  Late at night, I go to his Rainbow Bridge page and look at his pictures and write notes to him.

I guess what I am saying is that it will not always hurt as much as it does today, although right now, you may not be able to believe that.  I think it will help if you can find some way to deal with your grief.  For me, doing things for Nick helped -- like working on his gravesite, and organizing his pictures and creating his Rainbow Bridge page, etc.  Try to find some outlet for your grief.   And let yourself cry.  You need to be able to grieve.  Talk to people who understand what it is to love a pet deeply.

I think you will find much support here.  I understand the helpless feeling that we can't bring them back, and we so desperately want to.  It's totally normal to feel everything that you are feeling.  Somehow, time will help you.  It may be a week, or it may be a month, or longer, but you will begin to stop hurting so much. 

It helped me to consider that Nick deserved all those tears and all the pain I was feeling, because he had brought so much love and joy into my life, and his absence was indeed devastating.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers today.  I am so very sorry for your loss.  Jimmy sounded so awesome.  If you enroll him at Rainbow Bridge, please send me his link.  You can reach me through Nick's page:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/NICK004/Resident.htm

Meanwhile, know that it will not always hurt as much as today.  Again, I am so sorry. 
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tom

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THRU.JUST THIS PASSED SAT. I HAD TO PUT MY MALTESE TO SLEEP.I ADOPTED HER AT 8 FROM A PUPPYMILL.SHE HAS HAD HEALTH PROBLEMS SINCE DAY ONE.BUT SINCE DAY ONE SHE TOOK OVER MY LIFE AS SHE WAS MY DOG.THE MEDS SHE WAS ON FOR SO LONG COULD NOT HELP HER ANYMORE.HER BODY STARTED TO REJECT THEM.SHE STOPPED EATING AND DRINKING AND I KNEW IT WAS TIME.THE HARDEST THING I EVER DONE.I COULD NOT EVEN GO OUTSIDE WITHOUT HER HOWLING FOR ME.THE NIGHTS ARE THE WORST BECUASE THATA WHEN I USED TO GIVE HER HER MEDS.I WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING TO HELP HER.THE VET SAID YOU DID ALL YOU CAN DO AND IT STILL WAS NOT ENOUGH.I MISS HER DEARLY.IM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS BUT YOU WILL COME TO ACCEPT IT BUT NEVER GET OVER IT.THERE IS A PET LOSS CHAT THAT HELPED ME,TRY IT.AGAIN I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS

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Susie_Squillions
I am so very sorry to hear about your devastating loss.  My heart goes out to you as you struggle with all of these emotions which are so normal right now. 

Bless you for taking such good care of Jimmy while he was with you. He is just gorgeous.  I can picture him with his strong black panther wings, soaring among the angels, young and healthy.  He will live in spirit and in your heart  forever.

We had our own Cardiac Kitty, King Bingo.  There is an added dimension to our sorrow when we lose a special needs best friend.  We have witnessed so many miracles, it's especially hard when they run out. 

Try to be gentle and accepting of your little girl kitty now.  No, she is not Jimmy, but no cat ever will be.  In time, as you begin to heal, you will find that she is one of your best sources of comfort.  it just takes time to get tot hat point.  I wish I could tell you how long it takes, but every loss is different.

I can tell you that we take baby steps in our healing, and we all have our setbacks from time to time, too.  They are normal.  They can hurt like hell, but we get through them with the help of understanding friends.  It's O.K. to move forward.  It is not disrespectful to Jimmy.  Our animals live in the moment. Whatever life is for them in that moment is what life is.  Nothing more, nothing less.  It's one of the most wonderful lessons they teach us.  How to just be.

Please come back and tell us more about life with Jimmy as you are able to.  It really helps to share their stories, and we all love reading about what made each of them so special.

You, your family, your little girl kitty, and your sweet Angel Jimmy are all in my thoughts and prayers now.


My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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marnlars
Thank you all for your kind words.  I am still feeling just awful.  Does it EVER get better?  How does one go on feeling like there is purpose when the one thing that was 100% reliant on you is ripped from your life?  My soul has been trampled.... :-(
God I miss him soooo much.  The pain is excruciating. 
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MelissaB

I lost my Bubbie a week ago yesterday in almost the same way.  He had been diabetic for almost 5 years and his kidneys had been failing for the last 2.  On Tuesday morning around 5am we heard a sound from the front bathroom (he had started sleeping in the tub the last few days).  When we went in there, he was meowing very loudly and we could tell something was terribly wrong.  He couldn't move his back legs.  I scooped him up and we rushed him to the emergency vet that is only a couple of miles from our house.  The dr said that it looked like he had developed a blood clot and that was what had caused the immobility in his legs.  He was in such pain and he began to go into shock.  His little face started twitching and the look in his eyes told me it was time to let go.  He wouldn't make it out of this.  We made the decision to end his suffering and he very quietly crossed over.  It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I am crying now just thinking about it.  I know what you are feeling about losing the one thing that depended on you totally.  I had spent the last 5 years of my life centered around caring for him and now he was gone.  You feel lost.  Like you have no purpose now.  I have been walking around for the last week wondering what am I to do now?  I got my answer.  My other cat, a sweet Calico of 16 years, was diagnosed with cancer this week.  I now have to focus all of my attention on getting her the care that she needs.  I can't believe I am going to have to go through all of this again.  I can tell you that in time, you will be able to look at his picture and smile instead of cry.  I talk to him and it helps.  I have also starting printing pictures of him and my other cat so that I can see him.  I don't want the memories to start slipping away.  It hurts to remember all of the wonderful little things that he did, but it also warms my heart at the same time.  It sounds like you and Jimmy had a wonderful bond and that bond won't go away just because he isn't physically with you anymore.  His paws have forever put their prints on your heart, just as my Bubbie and my Fritzi have done to me.  Allow yourself to grieve  Cry when you feel like crying, laugh when you remember something cute he did.  Allow yourself to feel.  Don't worry about what other people think.  You lost something very special in your life.  I hope that your memories of Jimmy began to be sweet instead of painful soon. 

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marnlars
Jimmy's obituary was in the paper today. I am a bit disappointed, as although I love it, it seemed to be put in the bottom corner of the paper...  everything seems to be a big disappointment right now....  should I say something or just let it rest....? :-(

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Susie_Squillions
Oh, Marnie ~

That's lovely!  How wonderful it is that your paper honors beloved companions.

A friend of mine who is a musician was once mentioned in a national publication in an article about up and coming song writers' projects that were being recorded in Nashville.  It was a long article, but her name didn't appear until the last paragraph.  She laughed about it, saying how nice it was they finally remembered to include her. Her dad made the best comment.  He said it was the best place in the article to be mentioned, because the last paragraph is always the part that remains freshest in the minds of the readers.  And you know what?  She just returned from several shows in England. Not bad for a local girl.  The important thing to keep in mind is that Jimmy's obit ran and you can be sure that anyone who saw it will remember his beautiful face and the love that is reflected in it. 

Sending hugs of support and comfort your way.


My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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marnlars
We picked up Jimmy's ashes today.  My dear Jimmy is home.  I had so many questions for the vet.  He was patient, compassionate, and so caring...  It was amazing.  He is amazing.  A real animal lover, and a man with a big huge heart.  He reassured me there was nothing I could do more that would have been better, we couldn't have offered him more of a better life, and that Jimmy was relaxed and warm when he passed over to the Rainbow Bridge.  Jimmy used to wait for warm laundry to come out of the dryer & climb into the basket of clothes & purrrrrr..... he loved warm places.  He also loved sleeping under the covers... and sleeping in the sunshine.
I feel much more at peace knowing he was comfortable and warm.  There was no pain.  It was not awful.  He was content, relaxed, and at ease.  We did all we could for him.  He knows it, and now I know it....    

RIP Jimmy cat.  I miss you so much.  Thank you for putting your footprints on my heart and leaving behind a little piece of your soul for me...  You will always be loved. xo
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