summeramber
I didn't know where else to go to talk about this, I'm hoping people on here will realise how much this is hurting me.
Oscar is 17. We have had him for 16 years (since I was 4) and he has been there for my entire childhood. He has so much wrong with him now, primarily a chronic, hacking cough that doesn't stop. When I say doesn't stop, I mean that it stops him sleeping and eating properly, and if he is awake, he is coughing. I am very aware that he will not be here for much longer, it would be wrong to keep him here suffering for my benefit. I've lost a dog last year and it absolutely broke my heart, but Oscar has been my bestest friend for 16 years, and this is going to break me. Most of the time it is just me and my dogs in the house, so with him gone it will be so lonely and empty. We do not have the money for treatment and to find out what's wrong with him, and I don't think I want to know anyway. I am already grieving him and he is still here, but he is not himself at all anymore, he can't bark, he struggles to walk, he just isn't Oscar anymore, and I can't stand the fact that this will be my memory of him, since he has been ill for so long I can't remember how he was before he got poorly. My life revolves around this dog. I can't control my emotions whenever I think about it or if somebody else mentions it, it feels like he is already gone and I am so distressed and struggling so much already, I really don't know how I'm going to cope when he's gone. I have cried hysterically for 3 days straight. I don't know how I am going to cope when the time comes, which will be very soon. My dogs are my whole world, and Oscar has been with me for most of my life. I really do feel like I’ve already lost him, and I don’t think he will be by my side this time next week.

Sorry for the long post, this is all that I’m thinking about lately.
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Lauren03
Hi Summer, 
Our stories are super similar, I was in your boat just last week. I just said goodbye to my lifelong dog Bennie. I was 5 when I got him for Christmas, and just 5 days ago I said goodbye to him forever (I am 20 now). He lived to be 15. Bennie could have lived to 17 probably too, heck, maybe even longer like your pup Oscar. I knew he could have kept going, but we made the choice because of the same observation you made, Bennie wasnt himself anymore. He wasnt sleeping at night, he wasnt very active, his vision and hearing were shot, his teeth were rotting. After about 5 nights in a row of him not sleeping at night and crying, I took him to the vet, and we found out he had dementia :( My sweet little Bennie was struggling, and although I know he would have continued living, we knew it was going to be harder as the days go on for him, and for us. We made the choice that same day, and the day after, my little one was gone forever. I miss him SO much. I know your pain. I know it so well, and I am so sorry for it. But I think you know what the best choice is, and it is a really hard one to accept, but I know Oscar is going to be happy up there in heaven with Bennie, and all the other fur children enjoying their new life. 

As for the lifelong buddy thing, which again, I relate to so much, one thing thats been helping me get through this is remembering the facts. Dogs live SO much shorter than us, right? So they were never meant to be with us all our lives. Which is so crappy bc I would have loved to have bennie up until I was 80 years old ya know? However, that just means that now, all that love I gave bennie his ENTIRE life, I can give to a new dog, and be there for all its life, and so on. I dont know if that makes sense, but its been something thats been helpful to me. I gave bennie an amazing life, and now that his life has been fulfilled, I can give another loving dog an amazing life. I hope that helps..

I hope you find clarity and strength soon Summer, and I pray for Oscar and whatever decision you make. God bless <3 (heres Bennie. he was 12 in this pic, but he lived to be 15. Im sure he will be meeting your baby Oscar sometime in the future) IMG_0412.jpg 
Lauren
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Mistysmama
Dear summeramber....and dearest Oscar. My heart goes out to both of you right now.
This physical life is such a harsh place sometimes. Poor Oscar. But I can see how much you love him.

We are all right here for you as you make your decision. Blessings to you both.xx
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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DogMom86
It’s difficult watching our babies get older and become sick. Mija had kidney disease which got worse the last three months of her life. I knew I would have to let her go, but it hurt. I had her for 11 years of her 16 years of life. We go through pre-grief knowing each cuddle, pet, will be the last (at least physically) we will have with our furbabies. We bond so deeply because of unconditional love.
Mija, Chihuahua: 2004-2019
16 years
London, Golden Retriever: 2005-2020
15 years

Mom to Misty, Sango, Tami, Abby, Kawaii and Pepita the Chihuahua

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troutchaser
Hi Summer,
His last few days of decline will NOT be your memory of him.  After a little time, it will be the times when he was well, happy and sweet that you will remember.  I'm just now, with the help of the board, able to look at my pictures of Sammy.  I know Sammy's in a better place with no pain, and your little guy will be too.
I'll be praying for you and Oscar.
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DogMom86
I agree with troutchaser that your baby should be remembered as whole and healthy not how they were when they were sick. I know I had some PTSD the first week after Mija died because she got so skinny and I was nursing her during her last hours. However, seeing the old videos and pictures I refuse to remember the Chihuahua I love so much be in my mind as anything but the spunky, adorable little girl she was. It's hard when their physical self becomes ill, but their spirit will be free and the soul always lives on. I get it's difficult when we can't physically pet, hug, and kiss the furbabies, but I feel happy knowing I love and still love and that love never dies.
Mija, Chihuahua: 2004-2019
16 years
London, Golden Retriever: 2005-2020
15 years

Mom to Misty, Sango, Tami, Abby, Kawaii and Pepita the Chihuahua

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GraWmJ
Dear summeramber, I so so very sorry.  I was just in a similar situation.  The last year has been the hardest and saddest of my life.  Countless times I held and cried over my dog in that time knowing the time was limited.  In the end, my love overcame my agony as I was forced to say goodbye just 3 weeks ago.  I remain devastated and cry every day.  Yet, I know it was in her best interest.  All you can do is keep your love for them foremost in mind and do what is best for them even as it crushes your soul.  I pray that you are spared from having to decide.  Regardless know that there are many of us who understand and support you.   My heart breaks for you.  I know firsthand the agony of waiting and knowing it will happen.  Some days grief overwhelms over me.  I cry and grieve as I need to.  I  will pray for you and your baby.  
Will
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redgirlraven
you may want to consult daybydaypetsupport.com they have a hotline and are there to support you as you make this horrible decision.
AR
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Ralphie
I am so sorry you are having to go through this. We are all here for you. What you are describing is exactly what was wrong with my little dog that I lost in November. May I ask...what type of dog do you have?
RLM
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632154
I am so very sorry prayers for you God Bless
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ShadowDad
Dear Summeramber, Your story sounds exactly like mine. My Shadow was sick for a couple of years before she left me. It was my honor to care for my girl during this time. It was heartbreaking watching my soul mate get sicker and sicker until the day she passed. Even though she was very sick, I was not prepared for her passing as I had built my entire world around her. I had her since she was one month old, and she was two weeks shy if her 15th birthday. Losing her honestly made my world crash and burn. I went down and went down hard. I have been a fighter my whole life but I was KO'd losing my girl. It's been 9 weeks and I still cry every day. I still feel a crushing weight on my shoulders and still struggle just to keep breathing without my best friend. Life just does not feel right and I know that I will always grieve her, but I accept the grief because I was fortunate enough to have had her in my life. I am lost without her. It is said that you grieve as deeply as you loved. I know this to be true because I loved Shadow with my entire being, and always will. Grief is not something to get over...it is impossible to ever get over it, but grief is something to be endured. Maybe we can reach a point where our grief and memories can co-exist. One thing that helped me is to right a book about your life story with your fur baby. I want to tell the world about the miracle that happened to me by living my life with my girl, who changed my heart and changed my life. I want her legacy of love and kindness to manifest itself in me so that her spirit will live on in my life by example. Losing Shadow will be the hardest think I will ever do in my life so I know the pain of what you are going through and none of it is fair. People that love as deeply for their babies as we do all share a common bond in grief. Know you are one of a sea of good people going through a horrible experience. Let this fact lift you up and give you strength in the days to come. Prayers for healing. Rick
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