JazzysMom_1
Hi, I am new to the forum.  On January 9, I lost my little girl Corgi.  We only had her 7 short years.  She was the special pup of my life and was one of our children.  I am heart broken beyond measure.  I have always been very protective of her and when I was home, she was always next to me.  I let her out that day because she likes to sit on the porch.  I wasn't expecting anyone at that time of day.  We live in the country and have a very long driveway.  I had gone to another part of the house and didn't hear the delivery truck drive up.  When it was leaving, our other dog went to chase it and Jazzy followed.  She was hit.  I heard her crying and looked out the window in time to see her fall down.  I ran and got her and drove to the vet as fast as I could.  It was a nightmare.  I don't even think she made it to the vets office.  I held her for a long time at the vet and wished I had stayed longer.  I just wish I could hug her again.  I am wracked with guilt that I had let her outside and can't quit reliving that day.  I have so many regrets from that day and the sadness is overwhelming.   This is the worst thing I have ever been through.  The grief is so sharp.  I hardly remember the first few weeks.  I miss her so much, I just can't stand it and that combined with the trauma is unbearable.  Our house is so quiet and sad, even with our other dogs.  Now, I just have a dull numb ache.  I don't know what is worse, the numbness or the horrible initial pain in my heart.  I am trying not to make the rest of my family sadder, so don't talk much about it.  She was the best girl and loved each of us in a different way.  Jazz.jpg    
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mweymark
She is a beautiful girl.  having one of our babies taken from up long before their time is debilitating.  I lost my boy Peet on December 19th and I still cant eat, sleep or really BE in society yet.  The guilt is what eats you alive.  My boy died of congestive heart failure and I don't think there was anything anyone could do but my guilt is all consuming.  What I am (badly) trying to get at is you didn't do this to your girl.   I believe the numbness we are going through is a defense mechanism.  Your heart is broken but as so many will tell you here it will get better. I don't know when or how but we are all either experiencing the pain you are going through right now or have felt your heart ripped out in the past and having people who can listen and understand is helping me so let the love for our animals in this community help guide you through this.

I like to think, each time I see someone post a pic of their beloved pet, that my Peet has a new friend to play with. it doesn't stop the pain but a brief image of Jazzy and Peet chasing a squirrel makes me smile.

Mel
Mel
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JazzysMom_1
Thanks Mel, it is nice to be able to come to a place where everyone here can relate and understand.  I am sorry for your loss too.  Your little boy Peet is such a cutie.  The only help I can offer at this point is that I understand your pain and mention a couple of books I read.  One of them is called Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates by Gary Kurz.  It is a really good book.  Also another one is called Always by My Side by Edward Grinnan.  Of course I cried most of the way through the books, but they did help.  
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Darleen
She is so beautiful.  I am so so sorry for this horrible loss.  Pls do not continue to blame yourself.  No one can predict future events.  You can see how happy she is the your picture and how loved she was.  I know this is a difficult time for you.  I had to make a decision to euthanize my chihuahua Sambucca on 1/19 this year.  He was only 5 years old and suffered from kidney failure from an unknown cause.  I too keep going over in my mind if I did all I could for him.  I think guilt is part of this horrendous grieving process.  I too have 2 other chihuahuas.  Sambucca was my cuddly dog.  I miss him so very much.   This forum is a wonderful place for support and truly caring people.  I am sending you hugs and prayers.

Darleen
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JazzysMom_1
So sorry you lost your baby.  Thank you for sharing.  This grief is definitely is a process and seems like it takes a really long time as well.  This seems sharper than losing a human loved one for some reason.  I read that it's partly because our fur babies are our perpetual children and we also usually spend much more time with them too.  I had a sweet kitty that we had to put to sleep due to kidney failure as well.  It does make you second guess yourself.  Kidney failure is terrible.   Hugs.

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BuddyRo_and_PetieGirl_Mom
What a beautiful baby. The look on Corgi face is so sweet and precious. I just lost my Buddy Ro, two days ago. I feel your pain. I feel guilt too. I guess that is normal, no matter how they leave this life we will probably experience this guilt. I am trying to remember the best and not let the guilt take away from all the rest and the best. Easier said than done...I think maybe that we have to actively deal with the guilt. Frankly, I don't have the energy to do so right now.. Found a nice article about dealing with it..One day at a time. I will pray for you and wish you all the best..



http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
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