On October 2nd, my sweet baby boy was so happy to see me come home from work and met me at the door like usual.  I had 2 arms full of grocery sacks.   As I went to set them on the counter, he jumped at the same time and slipped off of the counter, getting his leg stuck between the drawer pull and drawer front.   He let out a loud scream of pain and I quickly got him out.   I took him to the bathroom and tried to comfort him.  I put him on the ground and he let out a loud cry and it was apparent he could not use his back leg.   

I immediately grabbed his favorite pet bed and put it in his crate and went to the all night Emergency Vet clinic.   He was yelling so loudly when we walked in, they instantly came over and took him from me.   They wouldn't let me go back with him and had me wait in the lobby, I could hear his screams all the way out in the lobby.   They came out and asked for permission to sedate him and give him a pain killer.   I agreed.  

The staff was very kind and could tell I was worried, so they let me cut the line and put me in a room.  Shortly after, the vet came in and explained what they had done so far, and suggested how to move forward.  She said it felt like he broke his hip and leg, but would need to X-ray to find out for sure.   She showed me where we were at expense wise, and just to see him in the emergency room, and give him the sedation, and pain killer we were at $450.00.   She explained the Xray would run $400.00, plus any additional medication they had to use, plus the cost of surgery to repair any issues if it was in fact a broken him, would cost all together around $4k - $5k.   And even then she couldn't guarantee he would be able to walk again and it may require amputation after that.   

She said it felt like his leg was severely broken and his hip was broken pretty badly.   I explained that I couldn't afford it and asked her to bring him to me.   She brought my boy to me and I held him and tried to look into his eyes.  He would not look at me.   His eyes were so dilated, it was horrible.  I held him, hoping to comfort him and while he wasn't screaming anymore, it was apparent he was in pain still, he looked so lost and looked at me as if to say, "why did you do this to me".   The vet came in and hugged me and apologized.   She tried to comfort me by telling me it was not my fault.   But it was.   The decision was made to ease his pain.   I sat there holding him for what seemed like an eternity saying good bye.  The vet left me and said to hit the buzzer when I was ready for her.  Once I did that's he came in and let me hold him as she helped him pass. 

I came home and picked up your sister and hugged her and kissed her.   She seemed pleased with the kitty love I was heaping on her.   The first night was ok, she slept by feet like she always does.  You were missing.  You always slept in my armpit, upside down.   The next day she was looking for you, but seemed ok.   A few days later, she would not eat, drink and wasn't have any solid BM's.  She is still very sad, as am I.  I can tell by the look in her eyes, she misses you.   I miss you.  

I didn't mean to hurt you, it was an accident, my little man.  I would never do anything to hurt you.  I love you more than anything.  I'm so sorry.    I hope you forgive me and will let me hold you again someday.   I feel like I am rambling, I am at a loss for words right now and I hope you can understand that I love you.   This sucks.   Good night sweet boy.    78D4DB4E-3BCA-40AC-BD02-DD4311E04CFC.jpeg  8EBE62AF-6015-46B8-81BA-3AAFBE055F09.jpeg  IMG_2807.jpeg  IMG_0244.jpeg  IMG_0265.jpeg  IMG_0254.jpeg  IMG_0285.jpeg  C6A45D32-2449-46CA-B2C1-34B5079F3D5D.jpeg  IMG_0223.jpeg  IMG_0211.jpeg 
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Awww he was a beautiful boy and I"m so sorry. Life throws us some nasty stuff sometimes. Your baby knows you loved him. I feel for you that you had such a terrible accident but he knows you didn't mean to do this. He's happy and at peace now playing with all the  other cats at the bridge. Sending you a hug. Use this forum to vent and talk-the people here are amazing and we are all going through sad times
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I am so sorry that this was a sudden situation. It IS NOT YOUR FAULT. just like humans, pets can get hurt doing anything. I have a friend who just 2 weeks after getting their puppy, (when they were kids)were running down a hill and the puppy decided to run infront of her feet, she ended up breaking one of his legs. The parents decided to do the surgery but it was NOT HER FAULT that the puppy got injured. Accidents happen. I just put down my sweet 13 yr old yorkie yesterday morning. A week before that i put him on the shower ledge to give him a shower and turned my back, he jumped off! (It was almost 3 ft in the air) and hits his head on the floor. It was awful seeing his little body seize up and scream in pain, then ffollowed by a seizure. I thought "if i didnt put you up there this never would have happened" i blamed myself. But at the same time i realized after that, it was time. My poor happy boyhad seizures his whole life and was extremely accident prone. It wasnt my fault he made the decision to jump off things in a panic, or trip over his own feet causing him to hit his head. Please please realize it wasnt your fault and you made the right choice (i couldnt pay that $$ either) but i understand it doesnt quite take the pain away. It is a greiving stage and im heart wrenched about seeing my baby take his last breath. The image of his glassy eyes is haunting me but im glad i was the last thing he saw. Focus Take care of your other baby now. Your cat baby KNOWS you loved him dearly and could never have bitterness. The look in his eyes were simply wondering, whats going on? And you made the right choice.
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I am so sorry for your loss. Your baby boy is beautiful! And I can tell by the pictures that you loved him dearly and he loved you dearly. You gave him a wonderful life. Thank you for taking good care of him because black cats are always overlooked.
The look in his eyes was from the pain medication that they gave him. He wasn't blaming you at all. It is not your fault. It was a accident. We all have the guilts and the what if's. It's the healing process. Our babies love us unconditionally and he wouldn't want you to blame yourself.
I loss my 19 year old male cat 5 wks ago and it still hurts like hell. I too have his sister that is 18 yrs old and they do go through the greiving process as well. Give her lots of kisses like you are doing.
Please keep writing and let us know how you are feeling. You are not alone. We truly care. Hugs to you and your furbaby.
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Thank you all for the kind words.  It's been a few weeks now, I'm still waiting for his ashes to get back to me, I've picked out a beautiful urn that will hold his ashes and his favorite toys.   I'm still reeling, and feeling the pain in my heart.    His sister is slowly coming back to her normal self, but still looks for him.   It feels like I've lost a child.   It's crazy how these little creatures instantly hold a place in our hearts and we give them the best life possible, they eat better than we do.  They are pampered like they should be.  Then they leave and it feels like a freight train runs through your heart.   Again, thank you for the kind words everyone..
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Please stop beating yourself up, you did nothing wrong to cause this to happen. It just happened. You did nothing wrong. And you did the right thing to ease his pain. I hope you are getting grieve counseling. You have a lot of pain to work out. I feel for you. You did what was humane. Please, you did nothing wrong to be guilty. He fell and got hurt. Just keep hanging in there.
Caroline McClain
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I'm sorry for your loss Daniel. My heart goes out to you.
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Dear Daniel,

I am sorry your sweet boy had that freak accident and for what he and you had to endure. Cats (and dogs) do have accidents. Just like human toddlers and children and teenagers and grown adults do. It is sadly a part of life. Each day, every hour a toddler or young child is injured (often critically) and goes to the hospital ER. Many do not recover and are either paralyzed, brain dead or pass away from simple accidents. Just hitting their heads on a coffee table etc.

Cats (in my opinion) are exotic animals. Very sensitive and in some ways even fragile. It is why most cats that are strays or ferals only live 2 to 5 years on average on the street. And the old saying "Curiosity killed the cat" and the concept of cats having nine lives. Because they DO put themselves in harms way.

My lad, a cat named "Marmalade", had a few accidents on my watch and could have died several times from them. Eventually he succumbed to an injury he received during a vicious Tom-Cat street fight he had chose to engage in, while trying to defend his girlfriend cat named "Star." Not only Marmalade receive a wound that never healed, but he placed himself in direct harm's way by choosing to fight to the death in the middle of a street. At any single moment during that Tom-Cat fight, which I eventually was able to stop, he and the cat he was fighting with (named "Blackie") could have been run over by a car. They could care less where that fight was taking place or that they might have been killed during it. It is just the nature of the beast. Cats are going to do things unexpected. So every hour, day or night, that they are still among the living? Is truly remarkable.

Every single day the kitten I recently adopted KID does acrobatics that concern the heck out of me. I am so worried that he is going to fall the wrong way or injury his back etc. as he puts his heart into playing. It literally seems like he can fly at times!

So please do be gentle with yourself as the other members here on the forum have suggested. You did your best. It was a freak accident. It is so, so obvious how much you loved, cherished and adored your boy and would never do anything to hurt him. He was just in pain and confused at the end. And you showed him mercy by letting him go. But I am glad that for a time, he knew great love, care, compassion and companionship.

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences,
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Hi Daniel,
I am so sorry for your loss. The pictures you’ve posted show a beautiful, happy boy. It’s so sad that things can happen so quickly but unfortunately that’s how life is. I know it’s difficult to look at the positive things at a time like this but it’s good that you were at home and were able to take him to the vet quickly so they could administer pain medication. You were also there for him every step of the way. I think there is a good chance he may have been in pain even if he’d had amputation and who knows what else. Instead you chose to let him go peacefully and with dignity like the caring dad that you are.
The picture of you holding his sister is so very sad. It’s okay to let her know you’re mourning. She misses him too and, if you allow her to, she will comfort you and you can both grieve together. Meanwhile you have your own angel looking over you both. 🌟 Sending hugs,
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Daniel,  I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  Your little boy knew how much you loved him and now although you are heartbroken he is absolutely free from any pain or stress.  Years ago we had a kitten, I had opened up the refrigerator to get something out and when I went to close it the kitten went between the door and I started to shut the door and he was hit.  He was shaking and his breathing was off.  He did recover but that just shows you how quick something can happen.  I will tell you that it takes time to get over a loss like this but in time you will remember with a smile instead of tears.  
Marlene Wagner
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