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DivasMother

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After Divas 10th Birthday in August I knew that the double digits was to cherish every moment with her because you just never know what can happen.

September of last year I noticed she was acting strange. She was going after her paw. Thought it was just a stress thing like doggy anxiety. Because when id go out and come home she had been licking her paw raw. December came and there was a fire at my apartment building. It was extremely scary. Having to carry her in my arms in a smoke filled fire escape. She hated me leaving her alone even more so. And would go after her paw even more so. After the holidays she just wasn’t the same. Weekends we would go to my parents house. She could play with their dogs we would sleep over but then go back to the apartment. Come January I took her to the vet to get the growth checked on her paw. The same one she was going at. That vet told me it was just a cyst she was put on antibiotics for it and her vaginitis. He vet said they could remove it but it most likely would come back. He also did not take any tests of it.

Early February comes and the supposedly cyst had grown. I waited about a week before taking her to the vet, still cleaning the area with epsilon salts and using Polysporin as the last vet told me to do. I had taken her back to the vets and saw a different vet this time. I said it’s grown I want to know what it is and for him to take a sample of it to get it tested. Like is it a cyst or is it cancer?.

By this time it’s middle of February. Diva’s energy levels were smaller then usual. Might play here and there but not long. Was sleeping a lot and she just wasn’t feeling well. My father and I took her to see the vet on a Saturday. They took samples and said they would call back in 7-10days. That following Thursday I’ll never forget. The vet calls me to say the tests came back. She has a high grade mass cell cancer tumour. He gave me the most stupid options. They could amputate her leg, do chemo, they could do extensive blood tests or I could see the cancer specialist. I told the vet but how is that going to benefit Diva? In what way? They only thing that’s going to do for her is put her through unnecessary pain and discomfort. She already hates the vet as it is. And all that says to me is you want even more of my money.

And you think that’s going to comfort me or make me feel better by prolonging the outcome which is still letting my soulmate go?. I asked the vet how much it would cost to let her go to Rainbow Bridge because I couldn’t even say the words. He then retorted back saying the word and the price and asked if I wanted to book it while I was on the phone. Not being able to cope I said I’d call when I was ready too.

After getting off the phone I called everyone I knew in my phone book. Including my parents. Let me also point out at this point I knew something was up even before the vet called with the news, because Divas breath and her supposedly vaginitis all smelled like the cancer on her paw. Diva suffered from a tinkling problem ever since I had her which was almost her whole life minus 8months. I’m no vet but if her breath and vagina area smells like her paw then she’s got the cancer all throughout her system. She was still eating like normal. Drinking water I did have to coach her a little. And no issues with treats.

The next day Friday I took her to her favourite park. Carried her most of the way but once there took video of her running off leash and be her goofy self. We went to a dog friends home after to let them know Diva was sick. And so she could say her goodbyes. While there she told me about home hospice and that there are services where you can have your pet go peacefully. I told my parents about it and started to do research. I live in Ottawa Canada. And I found the most amazing lady who is kind, caring and really respects everything and everyone. Diva passed peacefully with her eyes closed Feb 28th at 1:25pm. I had her privately cremated March 3rd.

Today marks 1 month since Diva passed. And I’m still a mess mentally, I go on walks to try and clear my head, but it doesn’t help, she came with me to my apartment and now it’s just empty without her. Everything I do I think of her. And yet my parents are so supportive letting me stay at their house. I don’t feel so alone. Resting Paws is who I went with for Divas cremation and even this site is listed on one of the flyers I was given.

I’m broken, I hurt, I go moments of crying fits, she was my best friend and soulmate and though I have happy moments they quickly disappear and I’m back to feeling miserable.

I’m getting a new puppy in a few weeks time not to replace Diva because that could never happen. But I need to have a dog routine. Because I just don’t have one now. And it’s extremely lonely when you live on your own with no animal. When you expect to be greeted at the door by your beloved. I’ve never felt such pain before that it just kills me inside. My depression is coming back as is my anxiety. I’m just ruined.

Diva’s memorial video I made to help me through everything

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🐾❤️🐾 Diva Born Aug 24th 2007 - R.I.P.  Feb 28th 2018/1:25pm

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Dale0418

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi Diva’s Mom,
I am so very sorry about your loved one. You described exactly what I am going through. This has been the worst pain in my life and I don’t know what to do. Some days I feel okay and then a simple thing like a q-tip will set me off on a crying fit. Today has been hard and I can’t stop thinking of my boy and I just keep crying. I hope both our future days are soon filled with happy memories only.
Not many people understand a dog that is your soulmate or heart dog. It sounds like we were both lucky enough to find ours. I’ll be thinking about you. Diva and my Dale are pain free now and probably playing together.
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DivasMother

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Reply with quote  #3 
Thankyou for writing. Sorry to hear about Dale. I know Diva and Dale are doing better en they were here on earth. No more pain or discomfort. It just sucks because I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Diva quite so soon.

Hugs 🤗

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🐾❤️🐾 Diva Born Aug 24th 2007 - R.I.P.  Feb 28th 2018/1:25pm

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Phil10590

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Reply with quote  #4 
Diva's mom, i am sorry for your loss. I just finished watching the entire video you made and i don't know what to say really. Diva was/is a Diva definitely... And the video of her running towards you with her ball is exactly how i see all my furbabies running toward me when we are eventually reunited. She had a happy life with you. We are never fully prepared for their departure. Even if it's inevitable. I hope you have found peace.
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DivasMother

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Reply with quote  #5 
Thankyou for your kind words, it has gotten better. I felt her on my bed last week. I no longer cry every day I haven’t really cried in a few weeks to be honest. Tho I still say good morning and good night to her. Getting a new normal has been quite a journey. Thankyou again.
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🐾❤️🐾 Diva Born Aug 24th 2007 - R.I.P.  Feb 28th 2018/1:25pm

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