summerinosaka
Sadness and anger is eating me up inside. My cat is going to die. I’ve been doing everything that I can but nothing is helping her. I’ve been coddling her this entire week and yet her fever is back and her anemia is starting to consume her.  I can’t do anything to stop this from happening and I HATE IT. I can’t give her blood transfusions because those are costly and she’s just going to need more in the end for the rest of her life. My other cat died from complications due to the same disease last month — and now I’m going to have to let go of this one, too. Why? Why is this happening to me? Did I do something horrible to deserve this? If I did, why take it out on my poor babies? I want to punch a wall and scream until I can’t anymore. This cat has been glued to me every single day for five years straight. I don’t want to have to put her down, but I don’t want her to suffer and be in pain any longer either. I wish I could curl up into a ball and sleep forever. This has been the worst year of my life. Praying and hoping has done nothing for me. 
Dream little one! You can run and jump and climb again! For always! Dream little one, and I will dream with you.
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Lis84
Sorry to hear. Don't blame yourself, life just deals certain hands and we have to use our inner powers to deal with it. I know how your feeling and want to sleep away the pain and the inevitable. Take it each day as it comes, over thinking is a killer! I was getting too deep in thought and feeling sick  crying mess and anxious over my dog whose had a mini stroke nearly 2 weeks ago and gone blind, and a little disoriented Today he was quite good, yesterday I was thinking pts and googling. $ for cremation etc, today he was back to his old self. Thinking of you. 
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Peach
This is such a difficult place to be - watching a loved one go through sickness. It's the most helpless and devastating feeling and I've been there too many times myself. I still tear up when I think about my little lady Sphinx being at the vet getting tested, not being able to stay with her because of the pandemic. Coming home and laying in the fetal position waiting, dreading for the phone to ring but eager for it to ring so I can get some answers. Luckily it all happened quick for me this time rather than having it drag over several months. But I couldn't tell you which was more painful. With Sphinx, it came down to a blood transfusion too - but the vet warned me that it might not help at all. I couldn't put her through that. I couldn't let her suffer anymore. 
I'm sorry you are stuck in that hell now. You have some very difficult choices to make. It's unfair that when we make the choice to let them go so they don't suffer, we are then the ones that suffer... But at least we don't have to suffer alone. This site has amazing people who understand what most of the world does not - the grief of losing a family member, even if they have fur, feathers or scales. 
“Until one has loved an animal, a part of ones soul remains unawakened” ~ Anatole France
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summerinosaka
Lis84 wrote:
Sorry to hear. Don't blame yourself, life just deals certain hands and we have to use our inner powers to deal with it. I know how your feeling and want to sleep away the pain and the inevitable. Take it each day as it comes, over thinking is a killer! I was getting too deep in thought and feeling sick  crying mess and anxious over my dog whose had a mini stroke nearly 2 weeks ago and gone blind, and a little disoriented Today he was quite good, yesterday I was thinking pts and googling. $ for cremation etc, today he was back to his old self. Thinking of you. 



I appreciate your kindness. It’s hard not to blame yourself when these things happen... Since your pet is so dependent on you, everything feels like it should be in your control. If something doesn’t go your way it feels like you did something wrong. At least that’s how I feel. 
Dream little one! You can run and jump and climb again! For always! Dream little one, and I will dream with you.
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summerinosaka
Peach wrote:
This is such a difficult place to be - watching a loved one go through sickness. It's the most helpless and devastating feeling and I've been there too many times myself. I still tear up when I think about my little lady Sphinx being at the vet getting tested, not being able to stay with her because of the pandemic. Coming home and laying in the fetal position waiting, dreading for the phone to ring but eager for it to ring so I can get some answers. Luckily it all happened quick for me this time rather than having it drag over several months. But I couldn't tell you which was more painful. With Sphinx, it came down to a blood transfusion too - but the vet warned me that it might not help at all. I couldn't put her through that. I couldn't let her suffer anymore. 
I'm sorry you are stuck in that hell now. You have some very difficult choices to make. It's unfair that when we make the choice to let them go so they don't suffer, we are then the ones that suffer... But at least we don't have to suffer alone. This site has amazing people who understand what most of the world does not - the grief of losing a family member, even if they have fur, feathers or scales. 


Peach, I’m really grateful for all that you’ve had to say. I’m so sorry to hear that your sweet baby Sphinx had to go... was she afflicted with Leukemia as well? It’s such a horrible disease. I hate it. Even thinking about it causes me a lot of anger and sadness. I can’t help but wonder why such sweet cats have to go through having such a horrible disease. It’s not fair to them. They don’t deserve to suffer. They don’t deserve to decline so quickly like that. It all just hurts so much. When these kinds of things happen, I’ll always sit alone and think about how much I wish something existed. Like time machines... If only I could spend time with my parted babies again. Maybe warn myself of their illnesses, too. Maybe it could’ve been stopped... but something like that is purely fictitious. (At least for now.) Be good to yourself. I hope only the best comes to you from now on.
Dream little one! You can run and jump and climb again! For always! Dream little one, and I will dream with you.
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