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Max147

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Reply with quote  #76 
Beautiful pictures of your beautiful babies. Such heartfelt letters to your loved one❤ xx
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Living_with_tragedy

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Reply with quote  #77 

To My Sweet Peanut,

Today was a cold and rainy day. I tried very hard not to cry because I don’t know if it can make you upset. I don’t want you to feel bad for your Mom. I feel bad enough about what happened. I still try to understand Parker, why I let you go there.  You were so frightened. I knew that. Please don’t be upset with me. I think you will find it in your big heart to know your Mom would never let anyone harm you on purpose.

I’m taking very good care of your brothers. I don’t want them to be sad because I know they miss you.  They don’t know where you are. I know for sure they want you here, as much as I do. I’m so very sorry my little boy. I am crying now. Thinking of you makes me happy, but also sad since you are not with us.

Yesterday something happened. I don’t remember a time when Leroy had drippy eyes, but Leroy had drippy eyes for some reason.  You were the one who always had that.  You had no health issues. That was the only thing you ever had. I shared my eye drops with you. You were always such a good sport to let me give you the drops before bedtime. You were smart enough to know they made you feel better. I used the same drops for Leroy. His eyes were cleared up today.  I wondered if he had the drippy eyes because you were here, coming through him. I hope that was you.

Was that you, Parker?  Please give me a sign. I need to know if it’s true that your spirit could be here with me. 

I miss you so, so much.  I wish I could bring you back. So many times, I don’t believe any of this is true, that you are not here. My Little Peanut, what has happened to you is so unfair. I still don’t understand. You were not meant to be gone this soon. You were so young and so full of life.

I miss taking you for walks. I miss hearing your little bark and howl. I miss you cuddling next to me and showering me with your kisses.  I miss seeing you at the top the stairs when you would be the first to put yourself to bed. I miss tucking you in at night and giving you a kiss goodnight. I miss everything.

Always remember that I Love You and I will never stop. I miss you every single day.

I Love You always My Little Peanut.

Love, Mom

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Living_with_tragedy

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Reply with quote  #78 
Hello My Little One,

I am again, missing you.  I'm trying not to send you sad vibes. I don't want you to be sad wherever you are.  Your brothers have been quieter since we are missing you. You were the pack leader. You were energetic, crazy, and loved to tease your brother, Leroy. He misses you. I see it in his face. Parker, you brought out the spunk in him. Now Leroy seems to be going back in his shell.  I feel bad for him. I hope you can send him a sign and let him know you are watching over him.  I remember when you would groom him. It made Leroy felt so loved by you.  When he was sick, Parker, you were right there to kiss and groom him. You knew Leroy was sick and you did all you could to make him feel comfortable. When your brother Porter was recovering from being mauled, you did the same to make him feel loved and comfortable. You groomed him and showered him with love. It was your love that made your brothers get well. We all miss that. It's hard for me some days to believe you are not here. My baby, that's when I break down and cry a river. I don't want you to see me like that.

I wish you could be here. I miss you, little guy. I used to call you Little Peanut. Your feet were about the size of my thumb. You were small, but all muscle, and in very good health. I also called you My Little Hero after you chased away that huge Rottweiler. I will never forget that day. I felt so proud to be your Mom. 

Parker, My Little Peanut, Mom is so very sorry.  Please forgive me.  I never meant you any harm. I saddens me that you are not here with us.  The light in our home is dim without you.  I would do anything to have you here again.  Please watch over your brothers. Porter needs your love to keep his pancreatitis in remission. Please look for us when your brothers and I come to Rainbow Bridge to see you again.  Wherever you are now, have fun with your friends in the meantime.

You will always be My Little Hero. 

I Love You, Mom
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Living_with_tragedy

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Reply with quote  #79 

Dear Parker, My Little Peanut,

Today I am writing to your brothers, Porter and Leroy. I am sure they are missing you as much as I am.

Leroy, I’ve noticed sadness in your eyes since your brother is no longer here. The expressions on your face tell me you don’t know where he is, you are confused, and maybe think he is going to be here at any moment. I know you don’t have the same sense of time as I do, so to you, time hasn’t passed that much. I can understand why you might think Parker will be by your side at any time. If he was here, he would be cuddling with you most of the day. Whenever your brother Porter would bark out the window, Parker would come running and give out a howling bark or two. He didn’t even know why he was barking. He just wanted to join in with Porter. Leroy, sometimes you would join them, and you also didn’t know why you were barking.   Leroy, the other day you had some eye tear staining, very unusual for you. I thought Parker was coming through you. He was the only one who had that. Your brother Porter showed some tear staining, too.  He doesn’t usually have that either. I would use my extra bottle of saline drops for Parker. This time I used it for you, but Leroy, you gave me a hard time. I know that was not Parker coming through you. He wouldn’t give me a hard time. He liked me giving him the drops. He was always so good about it. I think he knew how much better his eyes felt after getting the drops. Leroy, I know now that if you need the drops, the best time to give them to you is when you are drowsy. Leroy, the drops helped you. The next day your eyes cleared up. It must be hard for you Leroy, to think that when you go to sleep, that Parker will be right by your side, cuddling with you as he always did. Parker would sleep between you and Porter. At bedtime, I would tuck in my Three Dog Night. Parker loved being next to the both of you. He was a true friend and a loving brother.

Porter, you and Parker used to play and wrestle when you were very young. As time went on, you became more interested in looking out the window. That’s when I began to call you Mrs. Kravitz. Leroy and Parker began to play more together as they grew closer. Porter, you are still very concerned about who passes by the house and you keep watch at the window. You don’t like it when people walk by, especially when they have a dog. You will keep barking until they are no longer in sight. I remember when Parker would hear you barking and run down the stairs as fast as he could to see what was going on. He would be right next to you when you ran back and forth to each window. Porter, you are a character in the morning. It used to be you and Parker who would jump up on the bed and wake us up. I miss those days. You still jump up on the bed and wake us up, but you are alone now. Leroy runs around the room with his squeaky. He’s never been agile enough to jump up on the bed. Porter, the mornings are always funny when you roll around on your back, under a blanket, while you kick the blanket with your feet. Parker and Leroy would try to copy you, but they just didn’t have the knack. You invented that rolling trick. Porter, sometimes you would growl at me at night when I tucked you in. The Chihuahua you are, I always expected it.  There have been many nights since Parker is gone that you Porter, have not growled when I tucked you in. I’ve thought maybe it was Parker coming through you.  He would never growl. I could wake up Parker in the middle of the night and he would be fine with it. Porter, I wish you would play more with Leroy. I know you weren’t that close to him, but Leroy enjoys your company. I think sometimes he would like you to be more friendly. Porter, you weren’t used to playing with Leroy, but maybe sometimes you can try to warm up to him. You will find Leroy is very easygoing and just wants to have a friend. He misses Parker. Porter, maybe you can give him some company.

My Three Amigos, I wish it could be the way it was. It was always so much fun with the three of you, my Three Stooges. The mornings and time for walks were hilarious. Feeding time was crazy. It was mostly Parker who made it fun.  He was the leader, the life of the party, the energy, and the shining light here.

Parker, we all miss you.  Leroy and Porter, your brother Parker is watching over you both. He will take care of you. He wants you both to be happy and healthy.  He will see you again at another time and another place.

Parker, I Love You.  Please watch over us. We’ve gone through so much when we lost you. It’s been hard on your Mom. I struggle daily with intermittent tears and sadness. I try not to cry, but it’s hard without you beside me. I can’t believe you are not here. I have trouble accepting that.

My Little Peanut, we are all missing you and we all love you forever.

Love, Mom        

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Living_with_tragedy

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Reply with quote  #80 

To My Sweet Little One,

Another day I am missing you, my sweet little Parker. Not one day has gone by since you are not here that I have not thought about you. The days seem so long and yet it has been almost 6 months. I am still having a difficult time accepting you are not coming back.  Some days are very hard for me.  I fall backwards. I think over and over what I could have done better. I know it was to keep you home. I am feeling very bad and I am not forgiving myself.  I thought I did everything right, but I didn’t. Can you please forgive me?

I don’t know anymore how I feel. I am so sad that you are not here. I miss you so much.  It never seems real. I didn’t spend much time with your brothers today. I need to because I know now how short your lives are and, in a moment, I can lose them, too. I don’t want to ever take them for granted. I took you for granted. I never imagined I would lose you, so young. Everything has changed for me. I am not the same since you are gone. I’m sorry my little man. I am so very sorry.

I miss you so very much.  I Love You forever. 

Love,
Mom

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3_cats_mom

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Posts: 38
Reply with quote  #81 
It’s so heart breaking to read your posts. After all this time, you still feel terribly guilty and sad. I have just lost my cat yesterday, and it’s still very raw. I think we have to try harder to overcome the sorrow.
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Living_with_tragedy

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Reply with quote  #82 
To Parker, My Little Angel,

I would give my life for yours to have you live again.  I wish I could trade places with you. 

I Love You Forever and ever,

Your Mom
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Living_with_tragedy

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Reply with quote  #83 

My Loving Sweet Baby Parker,

Mom is having some rough days.  I am sorry my baby. I have been crying a lot.  My mornings are filled with tears and I cry myself to sleep. It is all because I feel so bad that you were robbed of your life. It is not right you are not here to comfort your brothers. Leroy is very sad and lonely. Porter doesn’t play with him. I have been giving him a lot of attention to keep him from feeling sad.

We are all extremely sad you are not here. I feel it is my fault.  I hope you forgive me. I cannot understand what happened. I do not know why I took you to that place instead of Dr. Chris. Dr. Chris liked you and he understood you. He knew you were scared, but he knew how to make you feel relaxed and comfortable. He was so happy last year when you were not afraid getting your heart worm test. We were both very happy that you were not afraid. I felt so good for you. I knew it was good you were not anxious.

Then I took you to that other place and you were so frightened. I wish you could have spoken. You would have told me to bring you back to Dr. Chris. I let you down. I am full of remorse. I cannot accept I will never see you again. It is not sitting with me well.  

I Love You. Please believe that. It may not sound honest because I let you go. I could have kept you home that day. I wish you could have spoken to me. You would have told me you did not want to go there. You would have told me to take you back to Dr. Chris, and that they were not nice to you like Dr. Chris.

I have not been able to look at your pictures or videos. It is not because I do not want to.  It hurts me too much to see them now.  I need to turn my head every time I see something with a date from before you were gone.  It only reminds me that is when you were here.

I wish I could hug you again. I miss the pitter-patter of your little feet.  I miss your little howling-bark combination. Your brother Porter barks. Your brother Leroy howls. You were a cross between them both. The three of you were so good together. You bonded with Leroy right away.  He loved you. He knew he could kick your butt, but he was gentle with you because he loved you so very much. I feel so bad for him. I can tell he misses you and does not understand where you are.

Please show me a sign you are here with us. Please don’t stay away. I need to know you still trust me.

Parker, I Love You beyond infinity.  I am hurting right now. Mom is crying. I know I should not make you sad. I am sad without you. I cannot help it.  How do I go on? 

I miss you my little hero.

Love you forever,
Mom

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Lillymylove

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Posts: 153
Reply with quote  #84 
I know you miss your beautiful boy so much im sure hes looking down on you with love. take care.

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David 

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Living_with_tragedy

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Posts: 149
Reply with quote  #85 

Hello Parker, My Little Peanut,

I'm thinking about you more today. I think about you all the time, but more today.

I took Leroy to your pediatric vet. You know, Dr. Dolittle.  Leroy misses you a lot. His face shows it. I wish you guys could talk. Porter barks so much, I think he is trying to speak. Wait a minute. If Porter could speak, he would never stop talking. 

I was thinking about a song today that I want to dedicate to you. It has always been one of my favorites. You may have heard me play it.  It makes me cry, and so does Ave Maria.  

Remember that I Love You and if there is a place beyond life, I will see you again. I wish I knew for sure. 

I Love You Forever,

Mom

Here is my song to you, My Little Peanut. It is about us.  I will think of us each time I hear it . . . till we meet again. 

TIME - The Alan Parsons Project 
Time, flowing like a river
Time, beckoning me
Who knows when we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river
To the sea
Goodbye my love, 
Maybe for forever

Goodbye my love, 
The tide waits for me
Who knows when we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river (on and on)
To the sea, to the sea
Till it's gone forever
Gone forever
Gone forevermore


Goodbye my friends (goodbye my love)
Maybe forever
Goodbye my friends (who knows when we shall meet again)
The stars wait for me
Who knows where we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river (on and on)
To the sea, to the sea
Till it's gone forever
Gone forever
Gone forevermore


Forevermore
Forevermore
Forevermore


Songwriters: Alan Parsons / Claudio Goldman / Eric Woolfson / Sergio Antonio De Albuquerq
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Living_with_tragedy

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Reply with quote  #86 

I am reminiscing about when I first got my 3 amigos in early 2013.  I had just early retired.  Having no children, my husband thought getting a dog would keep me company. Leroy was adopted in January. In February, I agreed with the rescue, to foster 2 little male Chihuahua-Beagle pups. I pulled some pieces from emails. It reminds me about how happy they made me. The 3 of them hit it off instantaneously.  This is dedicated to Parker.

FROM ME TO RESCUE OWNER:   I had my eyes on Leroy when I first saw him online on October 9th. He looked so cute. I filled out the application about 2 weeks later when I saw he was still there. I went on vacation. The holidays came and I looked online for him and he was still there in late December.  It's like he was waiting for us. 

Leroy is settling in very well. At first, he was a little nervous and shy, but he is getting used to "his" new home and has gained our trust. He goes to bed on his own. We have a bed for him up and downstairs. We haven't needed to use a crate, so he's got the run of the house. I have a knack for spoiling my pets. . .   He makes funny slurping noises when we walk him, so I almost changed his name to Slurpy, but we are sticking with Leroy.  After he returns from being walked, he likes to run around and play with a toy ball and my old slippers.  He doesn't beg and he's got manners! Leroy saw a dog out the window today and proved his protection skills by barking for the first time. He must know this is his home now. We (my husband Bob and I) love Leroy!  

Whenever you are free, I can bring Leroy to meet you.  He's such a cutie. He may need a playmate.  There's only so much fun we humans can provide. Leroy is a real sweetie. I'm glad we kept Leroy as his name. I read that it means The King in French (le roi, or le roy).  Plus, it's not a common dog name. 

Tomorrow morning, Monday, I am meeting Porter and Parker at Tammy's.  I'm bringing Leroy. I will let you know if one of them works out. Leroy was very friendly with all the dogs at PetSmart. He didn't bark or growl. He went up to larger dogs, too. That's a good sign. 

FROM THE RESCUE OWNER: As of tonight around 630(ish) Paul will be taking Parker and Porter to get neutered by Dr. Chris - afterwards, Tina (our newest adopter/foster) will be fostering both Parker and Porter because Jess's pups are sick and we didn't want to sick any dogs health, especially after a surgery. (No worries though, her terriers are healthy!)

FROM ME:  These guys are really adorable though, but it's a lot for me because they are puppies and I also have Leroy. I also feel bad leaving them in the crate, but they're too young to run loose because they're not housebroken.  The pups are really close knit. Porter was really upset when Parker was away from him. I don't think they should be separated. Porter will once in a while growl and at Parker, but he sometimes growls at people. I don't think he means anything by it. I think that's just his nature. He may mellow out with time since he's been neutered. He really loves his brother. I think they should be adopted as a pair. I can't see them being apart. I think Porter would be really sad without his brother.   I'll hold onto them during this recovery time, but do you know if someone would want to foster both of them?  As much as I love these little guys and would miss them

I do want to care for these little guys while they heal.  I've gotten really attached to these little guys. I love these little boys. They are so adorable!  I would love to keep them for as long as I can take care of them. I feel like I am getting them to trust people. They are really affectionate with me. I will really miss them. I understand that they are young and don't know the ropes yet. Maybe I can help teach them and get them on their way. 

I hope that whoever gets these little guys takes as much or more care of them as I have. I truly care about them. I mean that I wouldn't want to dump them on someone or for someone to take them only because it sounds like a desperate situation.

They and Leroy have brought so much joy to our home. I love them all! 

I am really attached to Porter (darker face). I love his personality.  I am bugging Bob to adopt him or at least foster him as long as we can (if that's okay with you) and then maybe Bob will also get attached to him and want to adopt him.  I hope Leroy approves, too. I have been calling Porter "Curly" as in the Three Stooges because it's so funny after he goes to the bathroom outside, he does that kick back thing with his back legs. He looks like Curly when he kicked back his legs saying, "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk."

I can't part with these little guys. I love them so much. I want to keep them. It gets challenging sometimes, but I'll get it down to a routine. (I, myself, only expected to get 1 dog.) 

Bob and I definitely want Parker and Porter. Yes, please considered them in the adoption process by us. They are now Leroy's adopted brothers. 

Parker loves Leroy. He licks his ears and grooms him. They play a lot. Porter and Parker play together and they love to be together in the crate. It's like the 3 of them are a team. They all rest together on the couch. It's usually Parker up against Leroy. They are like brothers. I love these guys. I fuss over them like they were my babies. (Maybe because I never had any children.) I fix their bedding at night and then cover them with a little blanket. I keep their feeding bowls clean all the time. They're like my kids.  Yes. I am in agreement with Suzi to adopt them. They are now Leroy's little brothers.

FROM THE RESCUE OWNER:  And congratulations Tina - I am so excited for you and the 3 boys!

FROM ME:  Leroy is very happy with his little brothers. Parker and Leroy are like a comedy when they play. Leroy is passive and Parker is more aggressive, but Leroy may be laying low because he knows he could whoop Parker's butt. He has sat on Parker when they've played. It's really funny. 

FROM ME ABOUT PARKER:  He's always looking for mischief. Yesterday I had the kitchen window open about 8 inches and pulled up the blinds. The window is about 4 feet from the floor. The window is screened in. The sill is only about 6 inches deep up to the screen. Parker managed to jump up and onto that sill!  I don't know how he did it!  Good thing the screen was there or he would have fallen out of the window!  Now I know to keep the blinds down when the window is open, so he won't be able to get up there. He has jumped up on the counter and in the kitchen sink. We call him "crazy man" and I call Porter "tiny boy".

FROM ME ABOUT PARKER:  He's kind of my favorite. He follows me all over the house and always stays by me when I'm on the computer. He's the most affectionate, too.

I Love You Parker.  We all miss you and your funny antics. You were a bundle of energy your entire (short) life.  I think about you all the time, my sweetie Little Peanut. 

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Living_with_tragedy

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Posts: 149
Reply with quote  #87 

Hi everyone,
Thank you for all your love and kind words.

I’m still trying to get over my loss.  Nothing is the same here. The only routine is feeding them and walking them. The rest of my life has dramatically changed.  It's changed for all of us.  I am not the same. I don’t feel the same. I am more doubtful. I am less trusting. 

What has changed is I am kissing, hugging, and holding my little ones more than before. I am afraid now to lose any of them, please, not so soon.  I have always equally loved and love all 3 of my boys Leroy, Parker, and Porter. Losing Parker was a life changer for me and his brothers.  I see it in their faces.  I know they are confused. I've read debates about dogs and their sense of time, so I'm not sure if they think he's only been gone since yesterday. That may be better for them, so they don't feel it's been a long time. One thing I know for sure is that I know they are missing Parker. It's in their eyes.  Leroy is very sad. He mopes around. Parker was a leader. He motivated all of us.  Porter and Leroy were very scared this week from the fireworks. Leroy ran upstairs to seek refuge. Porter was panting and pacing. Except for being handled by strangers, Parker was never afraid of anything.  He would have comforted his brothers from the fireworks. He would have groomed them and cuddled next to them. Oh, how I wish he was here, and I didn't make such a terrible decision.  I hope Leroy and Porter don't feel that we took his brother away from them.

I learned by some of you that a Cardinal has a significant meaning after a loss. My husband must be believing that now. The other day he brought me to the window and told me there was a Cardinal on our lawn. At first, I couldn't see it. He showed me where it was. He appeared excited about it. By the time I got my camera, it was gone. They are not common in my area. 

I read this on several websites: The belief that cardinals are messengers from someone who has passed exists across many cultures and beliefs. However, a symbolic sign is unique to each person and gives us the opportunity to interpret its meaning. A symbolic sign is a message for the individual receiving it. A symbolic sign can be considered a phenomenon, or a “cardinal experience.”  The word cardinal is derived from the Latin word cardo, meaning hinge or axis. Like a hinge on a door, the cardinal is often considered the hinge on the doorway between our earthly world and the spirit world.
________________

Parker, was that you?  Please come back if that was you.  If a cardinal appears again, then I will believe.  Parker, I will believe it's you.  Parker, please let me know you are here.  I need to know you forgive me. 

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Kai_Baby1

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Posts: 231
Reply with quote  #88 
Hi Parker's Mom, although you don't see me around here anymore I still read your posts and share your pain and tears. I need to tell you something very important and I am hoping that you will HEAR me with your heart and not your head. My beloved Kai baby has taught me so many extremely important and difficult lessons about been truly open to be able to receive their signs and the most important is to have faith WITHOUT conditions. You told Parker that if a Cardinal appears again then you will believe. Can you see? You need to look into your heart and find a way to believe and know that Parker's signs to you are indeed very real without the need of proof. You need to have faith, for that is the ONLY thing that will bring you the signs and solace you so deserve. I am not speaking from a religious point of view but from all honesty my own personal experience. You know that the love you share with Parker is real so why not believe with the same conviction that his signs he brings for you too are as equally real. Please believe me that the very moment you let the doubt go and be willing to believe, everything you ever thought about life and death will change forever. xx My thoughts are with you and Parker
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Max147

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Posts: 82
Reply with quote  #89 
Hi

I'm so sorry you're still feeling so sad, if it's any consolation I am missing my beloved Max every minute of every day & I still cry every morning & evening when I cant give him his cuddles. It has not got any easier at all & my husband & daughter say I am a changed person. I agree, i am unhappy & just existing, going through my every day stuff like a zombie. I dont like my new life & everything feels different & unfamiliar.

I am very happy for you that you may have had a sign from. Parker in the form of a Cardinal. I would take great comfort from that. I am still praying that Max will come through with a sign but nothing yet which is so depressing. I cant cope with the thought of never seeing my baby again & it takes my breath away.

Please know that you are in my thoughts & anyone else going through such devastating loss.

Warm wishes Chris xx
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Living_with_tragedy

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Reply with quote  #90 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kai_Baby1
Hi Parker's Mom, although you don't see me around here anymore I still read your posts and share your pain and tears. I need to tell you something very important and I am hoping that you will HEAR me with your heart and not your head. My beloved Kai baby has taught me so many extremely important and difficult lessons about been truly open to be able to receive their signs and the most important is to have faith WITHOUT conditions. You told Parker that if a Cardinal appears again then you will believe. Can you see? You need to look into your heart and find a way to believe and know that Parker's signs to you are indeed very real without the need of proof. You need to have faith, for that is the ONLY thing that will bring you the signs and solace you so deserve. I am not speaking from a religious point of view but from all honesty my own personal experience. You know that the love you share with Parker is real so why not believe with the same conviction that his signs he brings for you too are as equally real. Please believe me that the very moment you let the doubt go and be willing to believe, everything you ever thought about life and death will change forever. xx My thoughts are with you and Parker


Thank you Kai_Baby1 
I was thinking of you and meant to write. I hadn't seen any posts from you and I am hoping you are doing okay. I'm hoping a Cardinal comes back. Last night my Beagle Leroy ran up on my bed and was very affectionate. He has never run up on my bed. He is not the affectionate type. Those 2 things are what Parker would have naturally done. For a moment, I felt like Parker was coming through Leroy. It was a different feeling. I don't know if things like that are possible. This loss has affected all of us. I see the sadness in Leroy's eyes. I'm sure Parker's surviving blood brother, Porter is missing him, too. 

The signs may be here, but as you know, it will never be the same without them next to us.
I hope you are doing well. Please keep in touch. I do think about you. 
~Parker's Mom
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