My Wonderful Little Peanut,
I am missing you, my little one. I never stop missing you. Lately It has been more than before. I cannot believe how much time has passed, yet I do not miss a day without thinking of you.
It is still too painful for me to open the cabinet where you are, just ashes in a box. In the morning, on that day, you were your spunky self and a few hours later I got the worst call of my life that you were gone. Gone from a routine procedure. I could not process it. Everything I was told did not make sense. It was smoke and mirrors. Of course, the condition I was in after being shocked made me less likely to get to the details. I could not speak. All I could do was cry. There were so many questions I had. I asked a few, but the answers I got were vague and some were not even answered. My healthy 6-year old, active, in shape, never sick little dog was supposed to be home with us that evening, Xmas Eve. Mr. Alpha Dog, you were to be in charge at home while we went out for Christmas Eve dinner, but that never happened. The state is taking a long time, maybe because of Covid-19, but no news is good news.
My sweet Peanut, I have not been able to go back on the treadmill since that day. I was on it while I was alone downstairs. I was on the treadmill when the call came in. I expected we would get the call very soon that you would be ready to come home. You came home, but in a black plastic bag. I never got to say goodbye, my precious one.
I am so deeply sorry Parker. It was never meant to be like this. You were to be the one to live the longest. Never sick. Never any minor problems. Always well, so very much alive, happy, playful, and our leader.
I hope one day I can see you again. I keep hoping that it is a real possibility. This cannot be it, where it just ends. There must be more to this. Your mom will see you. I will give you the biggest hug and kiss. I know you will soak it all up, my little lovable sweetie pie.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
Parker, I will see you again (I hope). I am so sorry. I knew you should have stayed home. I allowed this to happen. You could be here with us now. Without you, our light has gone out.
Parker, please forgive me. I will make it up to you.
I LOVE YOU and I MISS YOU