MY DEAR PRECIOUS BABY,
Hello Parker. Mom misses you so much. I need your presence to lighten up the tension for me. Things are in a turmoil here in the world. We have a serious virus circulating the globe. It's caused people to get sick and die, and caused financial problems for mostly all of us in every which way. Some people can't work for all different reasons, all kinds of events have been cancelled from towns to big cities. Nothing was ever the same for me when I lost you. Now nothing is the same anymore for almost the entire world. I cry for those who have been affected by the illness and death. In a flash this happened, and experts are unsure what path it will take because they are still learning about this disease. I am worried your dad may lose his job. They haven't been testing them at work so I also worry he could get the virus since he works in a high-risk job.
After what happened to you, I learned to trust my intuition. I neglected to do that at first and that is why you are not here. I take full blame for not listening to my feelings. I wish I had taken my doubting thoughts more seriously. I am truly sorry. Sorry doesn't make it right or bring you back.
At the end of last year, I had strange and strong feelings about this new year. They were not good. I had premonitions that people close to me and your dad may get sick and may pass away. The first week of the new year, our friend Ken, had a stroke. He's home now, but his left side is not good. He is only 59. He's single and doesn't take good care of himself. We don't see him lasting long because of that. You always liked Ken. You warmed up to him each time he was here.
I wish you were here. You would cheer me up. I played some music today and I pictured dancing with you to some of the songs. It made me sad that I couldn’t scoop you up and do a little Hustle like we used to. I was always so gentle with you, you with your teeny Chihuahua feet. I would kneel on the floor and you loved to dance. Oh, how I miss that. Parker, with this pandemic disease and the stock market in such unsteadiness, I may have lost most of my retirement in the last 10 days. If things don’t get better, and may I lose almost all of it, it could take me over deep end physically. I am already stressing. I’ve had a tough year without you, trying to figure out what I could have done better, constantly blaming myself, blaming your dad, and worrying even more about your brothers, thinking anything can happen to them.
Your brother Leroy had surgery at the end of July. He had some lumps that needed to be biopsied, plus one was on his eyelid. Luckily, they were benign. Now I face the challenge of taking it in stride that he is going on Monday, March 16 to have another lump removed. I feel I got lucky the last time when he recovered. Sometimes I don’t feel I have much luck and it worries me if he will be okay and recover. Your other brother desperately needs his teeth cleaned and I dread that procedure, too. I am lucky to have a young, up to date with medicine, and cautious vet. You know. Dr. Chris. You always liked him. He was your vet for 5.5 years. I made the mistake by going somewhere else just for a simple routine teeth cleaning and that other guy couldn’t even get it right. I didn’t feel right about it and I still let you go. Now I miss you all the time.
Parker, the country and the world are in peril. We have all been hit with this bomb of a crisis and no one really knows the answers. It’s all speculation and theories right now. We don’t know what’s coming next. I’m stressed about it, my finances, and our home situation. I am having chest pains and I am not sick with the virus. I’m not a spring chicken and I’ve pushed myself to the limit these last 15 months. I should have been exercising and eating good and I haven’t.
Parker, please know that I will always love you and I always hope I will see you again one day. I don’t know if that could ever happen, that’s another thing that worries me. That this is it and the only contact I have with you are these letters. I don’t know if there is another place and if you would be there. I wish I knew a lot more about a lot of things right now.
I LOVE YOU DEARLY. FOREVER AND EVER. I MISS YOUR SMILING AND HAPPY FACE. YOU WERE A BEAUTIFUL LOVING AND CARING FRIEND. When your bother didn’t feel well, he would retreat to his crate to be alone. You would stand outside the crate, pacing. You were worried about him. Eventually you found a way to go in the crate with him, lied close him, and give him comfort. Such a good quality for a sweet little dog. You always sensed it when any of us needed comfort. You would be right there.
I MISS YOU SO MUCH MY LITTLE ALPHA DOG. YOU WERE TAKEN TOO SOON. I AM BROKENHEARTED.
LOVING YOU FOREVER,