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pannklaus
A beautiful poem and a great picture.
Patsy
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Living_with_tragedy

TO MY DARLING PARKER, SO RICH WITH LIFE AND LOVE

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, I MISS YOU ALL THE TIME.  LOVE, MOM

If Tears Could Build A Stairway

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories a lane.
I would walk right up to Heaven
and bring you back again.

No farewell words were spoken,
No time to say "Goodbye".
You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.

My heart still aches with sadness,
and secret tears still flow.
What it meant to love you -
No one can ever know.

But now I know you want me
to mourn for you no more;
To remember all the happy times
life still has much in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten,
I pledge to you today~
A hollowed place within my heart
is where you'll always stay.

Author: Unknown

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Living_with_tragedy

DEAR PARKER, MY LOVABLE LITTLE BOY,

I AM MISSING YOU MORE EACH DAY.  THE DAY I LOST YOU IS COMING UP. THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.

YOU WERE TAKEN TOO YOUNG AND FOR NO REASON.  YOUR LIFE WAS TAKEN FROM YOU. YOU WERE A HAPPY, LOVING FRIEND TO YOUR BROTHERS.  I HAVE A HARD TIME TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED AND WHY YOU ARE NOT HERE.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.  I AM ALWAYS WISHING YOU WERE HERE.  IT’S ALL WRONG.  MY FUNNY LITTLE BOY IS GONE. I HAVE NO MORE LAUGHTER OR SUNSHINE.  WE ARE ALL MISSING YOU.

THIS IS FOR YOU, MY LITTLE ONE.

 

I'll See You Again Someday

by Thomma Lyn Grindstaff

With your tail wagging
And your warm eyes so bright,
You were always happy to greet me,
Ever my heart's delight.

I'll no longer see you in this life
Tomorrow or today
But I know, somehow, some way,
I'll see you again someday.

We'll run straight to each other,
And my tears of joy will flow.
I'll kiss your fur and sweet, wet nose
And never let you go.

For now, I have my memories,
Your toys and an old chewed shoe.
And I have a ragged hole in my heart
Shaped exactly like you.

 

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Max147
I do so look forward to your postings about your beloved boy you say everything I want to say to my Max. I still cry every day for him & it will be a year next month it must near Parkers anniversary too.

I am dreading christmas, Max's favourite day of the year- wrapping paper & lots of leftovers!. How can this pain go on & on.

I dont feel so alone when I read your lovely tributes, knowing you're missing your baby as much as I am missing mine.

I hope you manage to get through this very painful time.

Love Chris xxxxx
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Living_with_tragedy

TO PARKER, MY LOVABLE LITTLE BOY, 

You no longer greet us as we walk through the door or make us smile and laugh, our little comedian.

Life seems quiet without you.  You gave this home its shining light. Without you there's more darkness. 

You were more than a pet, you were a family member, friend, and loving soul.

You are forever in our hearts and always on our minds. We will never forget you.

Our hearts will always wear the paw prints you left behind.

  two-dog-paw-prints small.jpg 

    

Your love still fills the air that we breathe.


I LOVE YOU FOREVER
MOM

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pannklaus
I love the paw prints that you included in this beautiful tribute to Parker.
Patsy
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Max147
Thinking of you today . 🐾
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Living_with_tragedy

TO PARKER, MY SWEET BABY,

Mom has not forgotten you at all.  The holidays were crossed from my mind due to what happened. I could not feel rejoiced and happy as I did at the beginning of last season -- up until the day they took you.  I needed to blur the season from my mind or I would relive it again and it still brings me much sadness. I still can't get it out of my mind. It will always be there because  I know you should here. It was not your time and your life was cut short. 

I promise I will write in the next few days. I have much to tell you. I think about you every single day. Today I had Leroy smell your jacket. He looked happy. And so did Porter. I'm glad they didn't seem confused. I couldn't find your sweater and I worried it got lost. It turned out to be in the cabinet where you are as ashes in a box. My lively, energetic, lovable healthy dog is in a box. I still cannot grasp that.  I dare not go in that cabinet. I will communicate with you again very soon. I LOVE YOU and MISS YOU.

I will never let your spirit leave my side. I had a brief hug with you when you came to me in my dream the other night.  It was brief, but it was you and I got to give you a big, cuddly hug. I wish I could do that now.

Please be patient with me. I will return to tell you lots more.

I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER.  You are always a part of me and you will always be one the of the sons I never had.  My son, I love you as much as I would if I bore my own son. You were my family. You were part of this family. Your love was unrelenting. I miss that so much. 

I will write you again. Next time with much more.  Please come to me again in my dream, my Little Peanut.

FOREVER, MY LOVE,
MOM

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Living_with_tragedy

My son.  I'm feeling guilty because I haven't written in a long time.  I haven't had much to say because I can only wish for you to return and I know that's impossible.

One of our friends had a stroke and we've been helping him out. His mental capacity is there, but he is not doing well physically and then he got the flu on top of it.  He was the friend you always liked. You didn't trust too many men, but he was the one and maybe only, that you took a liking to.  I am so sorry you are not here to see him when he returns. He really liked you, too.  

I love you Parker.  I will repeat myself again and again.  I LOVE YOU and I MISS YOU.  As I have told you, I have changed. I am not the same as I used to be. I am more serious and less fun. Underneath, I am still bearing the pain of losing you.  I still yearn for your to be here. I can't do many things I used to if they had involved you. It hurts too much.  You brothers miss you. I had Leroy smell your jacket and he wagged his tail.  It made me feel so good. I fell as though he felt your presence was near.  You were all such good dogs.  My loss has taken me to a different level.  

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PARKER. THIS LETTER WOULD BE 100 PAGES IF I WROTE THE REASONS WHY.  

I MISS YOU SO MUCH PARKER.

Please stay near. I need your spirit with me. With us.

LOVE ALWAYS AND FOREVER IN ETERNITY,

MOM


Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.

By Roger Caras





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Living_with_tragedy
PP valentine day 2-14-2020 resized png.png 
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Living_with_tragedy

3-14-2020

 MY DEAR PRECIOUS BABY,

Hello Parker. Mom misses you so much.  I need your presence to lighten up the tension for me.  Things are in a turmoil here in the world.  We have a serious virus circulating the globe. It's caused people to get sick and die, and caused financial problems for mostly all of us in every which way.  Some people can't work for all different reasons, all kinds of events have been cancelled from towns to big cities.  Nothing was ever the same for me when I lost you.  Now nothing is the same anymore for almost the entire world.  I cry for those who have been affected by the illness and death.  In a flash this happened, and experts are unsure what path it will take because they are still learning about this disease.  I am worried your dad may lose his job. They haven't been testing them at work so I also worry he could get the virus since he works in a high-risk job.  

After what happened to you, I learned to trust my intuition. I neglected to do that at first and that is why you are not here. I take full blame for not listening to my feelings. I wish I had taken my doubting thoughts more seriously. I am truly sorry.  Sorry doesn't make it right or bring you back.
 
At the end of last year, I had strange and strong feelings about this new year.  They were not good.  I had premonitions that people close to me and your dad may get sick and may pass away.  The first week of the new year, our friend Ken, had a stroke. He's home now, but his left side is not good. He is only 59. He's single and doesn't take good care of himself. We don't see him lasting long because of that. You always liked Ken. You warmed up to him each time he was here. 

I wish you were here. You would cheer me up.  I played some music today and I pictured dancing with you to some of the songs. It made me sad that I couldn’t scoop you up and do a little Hustle like we used to. I was always so gentle with you, you with your teeny Chihuahua feet.  I would kneel on the floor and you loved to dance.  Oh, how I miss that. Parker, with this pandemic disease and the stock market in such unsteadiness, I may have lost most of my retirement in the last 10 days.  If things don’t get better, and may I lose almost all of it, it could take me over deep end physically. I am already stressing. I’ve had a tough year without you, trying to figure out what I could have done better, constantly blaming myself, blaming your dad, and worrying even more about your brothers, thinking anything can happen to them. 

Your brother Leroy had surgery at the end of July. He had some lumps that needed to be biopsied, plus one was on his eyelid. Luckily, they were benign. Now I face the challenge of taking it in stride that he is going on Monday, March 16 to have another lump removed. I feel I got lucky the last time when he recovered. Sometimes I don’t feel I have much luck and it worries me if he will be okay and recover. Your other brother desperately needs his teeth cleaned and I dread that procedure, too.  I am lucky to have a young, up to date with medicine, and cautious vet. You know. Dr. Chris. You always liked him. He was your vet for 5.5 years. I made the mistake by going somewhere else just for a simple routine teeth cleaning and that other guy couldn’t even get it right. I didn’t feel right about it and I still let you go. Now I miss you all the time.

Parker, the country and the world are in peril.  We have all been hit with this bomb of a crisis and no one really knows the answers.  It’s all speculation and theories right now.  We don’t know what’s coming next.  I’m stressed about it, my finances, and our home situation. I am having chest pains and I am not sick with the virus. I’m not a spring chicken and I’ve pushed myself to the limit these last 15 months. I should have been exercising and eating good and I haven’t.

Parker, please know that I will always love you and I always hope I will see you again one day. I don’t know if that could ever happen, that’s another thing that worries me. That this is it and the only contact I have with you are these letters.  I don’t know if there is another place and if you would be there.  I wish I knew a lot more about a lot of things right now.

I LOVE YOU DEARLY.  FOREVER AND EVER. I MISS YOUR SMILING AND HAPPY FACE. YOU WERE A BEAUTIFUL LOVING AND CARING FRIEND. When your bother didn’t feel well, he would retreat to his crate to be alone. You would stand outside the crate, pacing. You were worried about him. Eventually you found a way to go in the crate with him, lied close him, and give him comfort. Such a good quality for a sweet little dog. You always sensed it when any of us needed comfort.  You would be right there.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH MY LITTLE ALPHA DOG. YOU WERE TAKEN TOO SOON. I AM BROKENHEARTED.

LOVING YOU FOREVER,

YOU MOM

 

 

 

 

 

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Living_with_tragedy

TO MY LITTLE MAN,

Hi there my sweet Parker.  I miss you so much.  I finally hung up a tribute to you with your pictures. I don’t look closely at it because it still hurts me, but it’s there and I feel in my heart that you deserve to be honored. 

I want to thank you for looking out for your brother Leroy and keeping him safe during his surgery. He came out like a champ. He’s such a happy dog. I still see sadness in his eyes because he misses you, his best friend.  He is taking it well wearing a cone for the second time in 4 months.  I know with your doggie powers from above that his biopsy will be good.  I trust in you.

Now, I need your help again, Parker, my precious one.  Your brother Porter lost a tooth and he has signs of periodontal disease. He has two loose bottom teeth and he is in pain, so they need to be removed.  I am, once again, petrified.  I need you, my sweetheart to do all you can to watch over him and keep him safe. His pancreatic and liver levels were checked. Both were a little high. This was a routine check-up for him.  His pancreatitis hasn’t shown recent symptoms. He is full of energy. I need to discuss the details with Dr. Chris.  Last year Porter had IV and medication treatment and afterward his pancreatic level was still somewhat high.  It seemed he may run a little high because by that time he was feeling well.  The liver and pancreas results are cleared for Porter for his extractions, but I still worry because of what happened with you.  I trust you Parker to get Porter through this.  I'm on pins and needles.  Your strength and love when you were here, continues to shroud us. You are missed and loved.

Parker, you are our shining light.  Please keep Porter safe. This procedure is not elective. It’s necessary.

Things are bad enough going on in the world.  Sad things.  I’m affected by it. I’ve been told I tend to hold the world on my shoulders.  I may have been sick from it. I had the symptoms and was sick for over 3 weeks. I have stayed in the house. I had no energy to go out. I am still feeling rundown and yesterday I had the chills with the heat pumped up. I am very tired and cold right now.  It may not be gone.  It’s cold outside. Where is Spring?

When I lost you, my personal world went dark.  The tragedy occurring throughout the world has now darkened my world even more.  I have always wished for world peace, which is asking for much.  We now have a very serious problem that no one would have expected in this lifetime.  I want to help and pay it forward.  Giving blood next week is a step. My new greeting has been a Japanese Bow. It’s respectful and it keeps the social distance.

I am keeping your harness close to me with your squeaky toys. They will never take the place of you in person, but they are part of you that I can cherish.

I will be writing you again. Your birthday is coming up. That will be a difficult day for me.

I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH. YOU TAKE MY BREATH AWAY.

I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU.  PLEASE DON’T FORGET ME.

I LOVE YOU,

MOM

*I just realized. I don't think I can give blood if I am not feeling well and possibly have this virus.

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Living_with_tragedy

Dear Parker, My Sweetheart

 Oh, my precious. I have not written you in such a long time. I miss you so much. I have been thinking about you so much lately.

So many things have happened. People who worked with your dad at the airport have died from a virus that has taken over. We are locked down. No word when we will open.  All of this going on caused me to not write sooner.

I miss you, my little one. I think about you all the time.  I see you sometimes playing with your brother, but then I realize it is a mirage. A feeling that I want you here. I am still waiting for the state's decision.  I have found more things to add. I am doing that this week. I keep your squeaky toys close to me. I have your harnesses and jackets, including the thermals I made for you, in my drawer. It hurts to know you will never wear them again. 

I saw a dog that reminded me of you. He was playful like you and he had the same birthday. I did not want to replace you, but he seemed like what Leroy would need in a friend because he was just like you. He got adopted. I missed out. Your brother Porter is being nicer to Leroy. Sometimes he sits very close to him.  It makes me happy.  Porter was always a loner although I am sure he misses you.  He did play with you.  I think Leroy feels your loss more.  He needs a playmate. I do not know what to do. I do not want to replace you.  You cannot be replaced. You are a leader and an Alpha Dog. 

I do not know why this happened. It was routine. Leroy had his teeth cleaned not long ago and he did very well. Right vet. That's why. Porter recently lost a tooth and then had to have 5 extractions and he had his teeth cleaned at the same time. He did well. No problems. Right vet. That’s why.  Your brother Porter recently had some pain issues which turned out to be either a pulled muscle or pinched nerve. He also had an echo. It was good. There is no evidence of any heart trouble as in eating grain-free food.  After you passed, that vet tried to use that as an excuse because he knows what really happened.   Both of your brothers are very strong and healthy, and I know you would have been the strongest. You were never sick. You were full of muscle. No fat and extraordinarily strong. He killed you. I wish you could talk to me and tell me what happened. I will never get the truth. I know he will lie to the state as much as he can get away with it. I will see him in court anyway. He owes for tests that had no meaning.  He killed you and I will make his life miserable. If the state takes his side, I will appeal it and send it again and I will go to the Attorney General.  I will keep trying until I get justice. I will not give up. I do not give up. You mean too much to me. You were only 6. There is no reason. I think it was your fear and he kept you there knowing he only had to make a call for me to come get you. It was routine, not mandatory. There was no reason for you to stay there, petrified.  I hope someone there breaks the silence and tells the truth, as much as it will hurt. I need to hold this vet accountable for taking away my little leader. 

I am so sorry Parker.  I wish I had a time machine. I would go back and change everything.  I feel responsible. I know you forgive me. I think you do.  I wish I could hold you again. You and your kisses. Always kissing. Always lovable. Always playing.  It is not the same anymore. I am not the same.  

I will always love you forever.  Please stay close to my heart.  I do not know anymore about messages from birds and those things.  So, please come to me in a dream so I can see you again and virtually hold you.

I miss you, my little baby.  Words cannot describe how hurt I feel inside.  

I LOVE YOU.

Love,
MOM

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Cassies_mom1
I love the way to talk to your baby so often. Im sure he loves it too
Beatrice Eaton
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Living_with_tragedy

My Wonderful Little Peanut,

I am missing you, my little one. I never stop missing you. Lately It has been more than before. I cannot believe how much time has passed, yet I do not miss a day without thinking of you.

It is still too painful for me to open the cabinet where you are, just ashes in a box. In the morning, on that day, you were your spunky self and a few hours later I got the worst call of my life that you were gone. Gone from a routine procedure. I could not process it. Everything I was told did not make sense. It was smoke and mirrors. Of course, the condition I was in after being shocked made me less likely to get to the details. I could not speak. All I could do was cry.  There were so many questions I had. I asked a few, but the answers I got were vague and some were not even answered. My healthy 6-year old, active, in shape, never sick little dog was supposed to be home with us that evening, Xmas Eve. Mr. Alpha Dog, you were to be in charge at home while we went out for Christmas Eve dinner, but that never happened. The state is taking a long time, maybe because of Covid-19, but no news is good news.

My sweet Peanut, I have not been able to go back on the treadmill since that day. I was on it while I was alone downstairs. I was on the treadmill when the call came in. I expected we would get the call very soon that you would be ready to come home. You came home, but in a black plastic bag. I never got to say goodbye, my precious one.

I am so deeply sorry Parker. It was never meant to be like this. You were to be the one to live the longest. Never sick. Never any minor problems. Always well, so very much alive, happy, playful, and our leader.

I hope one day I can see you again. I keep hoping that it is a real possibility. This cannot be it, where it just ends. There must be more to this. Your mom will see you. I will give you the biggest hug and kiss. I know you will soak it all up, my little lovable sweetie pie.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

Parker, I will see you again (I hope).  I am so sorry. I knew you should have stayed home. I allowed this to happen. You could be here with us now. Without you, our light has gone out.

Parker, please forgive me. I will make it up to you.

 I LOVE YOU and I MISS YOU

Love,

Mom

XXXXXX 000000

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