TO MY WONDERFUL SWEET PARKER,
Yesterday, your brother Porter did something that reminded me of you. I was up late cooking and baking. It was past his bedtime. He wouldn’t go up to bed. He sat there in the kitchen and watched me. He wasn’t looking for a treat or a crumb to fall. He just wanted to be there. It was so much like you when you would follow me around the house and gaze at me. I took that for granted. Parker, I always thought you guys would be here for many, many years. I never experienced a loss of a young pet. My last dog was 16 and he lived a very happy and long life. I thought all of you would live to at least 16. I took it for granted that I had so much more time. I miss the times I would touch your tail and you would turn in a circle. You loved being teased. That made you more playful. I am confused how a playful little boy like you could be gone just like that.
So, there I was, cooking and baking. Just like I would for you, I got a bed and blanket for Porter. He looked so relaxed. He laid there and got comfy. He dozed off a few times. It was comforting to have him there. I felt like he just wanted to be near his mom, just like you. I remember last year when I was up late shopping online for your dad’s birthday gift. You tiptoed into the room. It was so nice that you wanted to be with me. I got a bed for you to make you comfortable. You stayed there and gazed at me with your sparkling brown eyes. Last night, Porter reminded me of you. It was a great moment, but also bittersweet because I also wanted you there. I cried. I longed to see you.
When I was done, your brother was happy to follow me upstairs to his bed. He made me feel so good being by my side. I miss that of you. Porter was able to give that to me. He has been staying downstairs a lot while I am still there. He waits for me to go upstairs. That also reminds me of you. There were many times when we were all going up to sleep, and you would be the first to run up the stairs, so excited to go to your bed. You and Porter would sleep close together and cuddle. I don’t know if Porter is missing that and if that is why he waits until I am ready to go up.
Everything here has changed. The 6-year routine no longer exists. My little leader, we are lost without you. It was you who filled us with sunshine, energy, and joy. Nothing is the same. I am not the same. This has taken a toll on me. You belong here. Someone decided your fate and it was not a higher power. I wish you could talk to me and tell me what happened.
I need a sign from you. I’m losing faith in signs and spirits. Please come to me in a dream. I want to see you as you were.
I am so sorry, my baby. I hope someday I will see you again. I don’t know if that even exists. It breaks my heart that I may never see you again.
PARKER, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, IT’S IMMEASURABLE
Here is a poem for you, and a picture of your brother Porter as he stayed by my side last night.
I LOVE YOU PARKER. FOREVER
Porter (Parker's brother)
He Was Just My Dog
By Unknown Author
He was my other eyes that could see above the clouds;
my other ears that heard above the winds.
He was the part of me that could reach out into the sea.
He had told me a thousand times over that I was his reason for being;
by the way he rested against my leg;
by the way he wagged his tail at my smallest smile;
by the way he showed he hurt when I left without taking him along
(I think it made him sick with worry because he was not along to care for me).
When I was wrong, he was delighted to forgive.
When I was angry, he clowned to make me smile.
When I was happy, he was joy unbounded.
When I was a fool, he ignored it.
When I succeeded, he bragged.
Without him, I am only another person.
With him, I was all powerful.
He was loyalty itself.
He had taught me the meaning of devotion.
With him, I knew a secret comfort and a private peace.
He had brought me understanding where before I was ignorant.
His head on my knee could heal my human hurts.
His kisses on my tears washed away my bad feelings.
His presence by my side was protection against my fears of dark and unknown things.
He had promised to wait for me…whenever…wherever…in case I need him.
And I expect I will — as I always have — he was just my dog.