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Living_with_tragedy

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Posts: 107
Reply with quote  #1 
I suffered a major setback. Lost my beautiful, loving best friend dog tragically. Our connection was magical. I've been trying to find the courage and strength to go on. Sometimes it seems impossible and I won't make it. I barely get by without crying for hours. I'm trying to find meaning. Trying to find the reason why this happened. There is no specific reason. I can't go on. I don't see a reason to carry on. I am empty and feel hopeless. If it sounds I'm desperate, yes I am. I don't know how much longer I can fake I want to be here. There's nothing left in me.
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brookerhi

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Reply with quote  #2 
I am so sorry you are hurting. I have come here looking for some kind of comfort as well after losing my beautiful baby on Friday. I don’t have the right words to take away your pain, but please know that you are not alone in your grief.
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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #3 
What was you precious dog's name?  When you feel able to please tell us a little bit more about your beloved fur baby and some of your special memories.  I know it may be much too painful to write about that now.

  There are many people in this forum who feel or have felt that they cannot go on without their special pets and want their lives to end.  I view this as a part of the tremendous grief that occurs when we have a deep love for our babies and then lose them.  Each of us experiences grief in somewhat different ways but there are also a lot of similarities. 

I know the emptiness, the meaningless of life, the hopelessness that you are feeling right now. There are no magic answers that will make it go away.  But there are many kind people in this forum who care about you and what you are feeling.  Over time perhaps you will be able to find at least a little bit of comfort from that.

I am thinking about you with a lot of concern.  You are not alone. We all understand your extreme pain.  Please stay with us and continue to write whatever you feel like writing whenever you feel like doing it.

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Zelda

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Reply with quote  #4 
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious best friend. I lost mine 24 hours ago and know the pain you're feeling. Unfortunately, I don't know how we get through this either, but perhaps we can help each other.
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I_Will_Love_You_Forever

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Reply with quote  #5 
I'm really lost. Nowhere to turn. No support system. My loss has turned my world upside down He had up to 10 maybe more years to go. I don't know how to right it. I lost my love. I feel 💓 heartbroken. How do I go on? This was so sudden. I didn't get to say goodbye. It hurts so much. I don't think anyone outside of this forum would understand. There are so many going through grief and pain. I need suggestions how you are getting by. I'm not doing well. Hit me like a ton of bricks. Thank you.
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Zelda

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Reply with quote  #6 
I know, sweetie. I lost my Teddy two days ago, and the pain of his absence is almost unbearable. All I know is that we get through this day by day, or if that’s too hard, minute by minute. We cry, we sleep, we distract ourself when we can, and when we can’t, we suffer. It helps me some to talk on this forum. I send you hugs and good wishes. Please keep talking here and we can help each other.
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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #7 
The only way I have found to go on is to just go on and accept the terrible pain as a part of the grieving process.  It has been almost two months for me now and there has been some improvement.  There are times when I can get absorbed in something else and forget but then it all comes back, especially at night.  

Cry, scream, be angry--whatever you are feeling, just let the feelings be there and accept that they are a part of grieving and you are going through a process.  Others around you won't understand so don't try to make them understand.  Come to this forum where everyone does understand and just continue to express your pain and sorrow.

There is no specific time frame for grief.  Some people move through it much more quickly than others.  I don't think it ever goes totally away.  With other pets I have lost, eventually the grief fades into memories of them but it takes a very long time.  I still think about and miss my childhood pets sometimes.  

The most intense grief is occurring for you right now.  At some point, perhaps weeks or months away, that will probably become somewhat less intense.  But there will probably be fluctuations with a relatively good day and then another very bad day.  

Right now, don't expect to be doing well.  No one is when they are in the intense stage.  People have difficulty getting out of bed in the morning and doing any normal activities.  Your goal right now is to just stay alive and get through the day as well as you can.  Your precious dog would want you to do that. Regardless of how our babies died, they are no longer suffering.  But we are.  Focus on caring for yourself as well as you can and just stay with us here in this forum where we are all struggling with similar issues and feelings.

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Zelda

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Reply with quote  #8 
Thank you so much for your wise words. I know I will read them many times in the coming days. Thanks again.
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Living_with_tragedy

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Posts: 107
Reply with quote  #9 
Is don't feel I will make it. it's been too traumatic. I do not feel a need to be here. too much for me to handle. Can't do it. Sorry.








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pannklaus

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Posts: 265
Reply with quote  #10 
Please, please try to stay with us.  I know the terrible pain.  We all do.  I know that sometimes reading about all the pain here can just seem overwhelming and not helpful.  I pray that you will find the strength to hang on--for one more day or one more hour or one more minute. 

I am thinking and praying for you right now with a great deal of concern.  I care.  Others here care.  There may be no support in the rest of your world but there is caring and support here.   Your precious beautiful dog would not want you to harm yourself.  Our fur babies don't want the tragedy of their deaths to cause more tragedy. Please don't let your extreme grief totally overwhelm your thinking. There is nothing more I can think of to say but I do care very much.





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Zelda

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Reply with quote  #11 
I care about you too. I know the sadness and pain right now seems almost too much to bear, but I promise you, you will have joy again. Think about a time you have overcome sadness and despair. Perhaps you experienced the death of another loved one, a break up, the loss of a friend, one of the million crap missiles life throws at us, and you found a way to get through that. Please focus on that and know you are stronger than you think. If we can live through this terrible time, new positive, even joyous, events, people and, yes, animals will find us. This has been my experience when I lost my beautiful and only sister and my sweet husband within months of each other several years ago. Meanwhile, we will all be here for you, listening, responding, and caring. 
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Living_with_tragedy

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Posts: 107
Reply with quote  #12 
What if you feel it was your fault and there had been an option that you knew at the time to stop it from happening, your dog would have been saved, but somehow you messed up and it turned out wrong. All wrong. Now you live with that.
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pannklaus

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Posts: 265
Reply with quote  #13 
Many people in this forum feel guilt after losing their fur babies over things they might have done or should have done or not done.  No one intentionally decides that they want their fur babies to die (even when we have to make a conscious decision to let them go, it is to relieve suffering from pain).  

I don't know the specifics of your situation and I don't need to know unless you feel it is something that you want to write about.  But whatever it was, you loved your precious dog and didn't want the loss to occur.  Whatever tragedy may have been involved, your beloved baby would not want that tragedy to cause you to hurt yourself.

Please stay here with us.  That is all that you have to do now.  Over time you can work through whatever all the issues involved are that are causing you pain and guilt.  Right now just hang on and accept the concern that we have for you and our desire to get you through this immediate crisis.  Sleep, cry, feel guilty, be angry -- whatever you need to do right now.  Stay in the present with us.  We will continue to be here for you if you will just stay and accept our prayers, understanding and concern for you.

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Patsy
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Living_with_tragedy

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Posts: 107
Reply with quote  #14 
Thank you all for your words of wisdom. I am still struggling. I can't help but think I helped my little baby die, that I wasn't careful and I led him to a terrible situation where he lost his young life. I feel like I am a murderer and I chose when my innocent dog should live or die. I spoke to a pastor who gave a lot of his time, but I am still so broken. I can write details but prefer in a private message. Maybe someone can help me see the light. I am truly lost.
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pannklaus

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Posts: 265
Reply with quote  #15 
am able to receive private messages if you would like to send me one.  I  am going to bed tonight  and have therapy for Parkinson's disease in the morning but I will read it as quickly as possible.  I don't know if what I write will help but I am willing to try.  I know that whatever happened, you did not intend to make your precious dog die.  I also know that many people in this forum experience a lot of guilt after losing their beloved fur babies; sometimes there may have been something specific that happened like leaving a door open but no one here is a murderer.  I hope to hear from you and we will take it from there.
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