anang
I want to send my love and thoughts to everyone on this amazing forum. This community is so welcoming and it is comforting to meet others who are travelling on this confusing and painful journey.

I'm a school teacher, and this past week was my first week back to work. It's only going on three weeks since I lost my Ana Ng. I love my job, but this past week was incredibly difficult. I found myself shutting myself in my office and sobbing. I work with special needs students, and I don't want to confuse or upset them, so I make sure not to cry around them. I try to think of funny movie lines to distract me, but sometimes my eyes just well up and I feel like I'm going to go off the deep end.

I believe in expressing ones feelings, but I can't be a constant emotional basket case at work. Any feedback or suggestions would be appreciated.

-Katie
K. Unger
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Memories_of_Marmalade


My Dear Sweet Katie,

It makes such sense that you would be a devoted School Teacher of of Special Needs Student's, as loving and caring as you were to your beloved Ana Ng. Your great kindness, compassion, empathy and sweetness is evident in your posts and comments.

We all go through the same thing it appears. What I have done is try and suspend my emotions during business meetings. I keep telling myself "I will get back to my grief soon." "I will be able to return to thinking about my boy shortly. Hang on." It is difficult and at times I have to cut meetings short. All I can think of when others are chattering at me is "Don't you know I have lost my boy?" "Don't you know Marmalade is gone?" "Don't you know what has happened?"

Somewhere on one of the posts here on this forum (I'm sorry I can not credit the specific, original poster), someone wrote about how" "Grief was like the tides of the Earth." That at times grief ebbs around us, flows around our legs and we can still stand firm, then at times, greif rises all the way up to our necks, and seems like it is going to completely overwhelm us at any moment, and then at other times it does rise, all the way up over our head, and consumes us, knocks us off of our feet, drags us all the way down, and we are forced to hold our breaths, until we can breath again.

I suppose we all have to just "go with the flow" of our grief. Be grateful when it is an ebb, be brave when it rises to our necks, and tread water and be patient and courageous when our grief totally consumes us. We must all continue to travel through time, moment by moment, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, night by night, day by day, week by week and month by month. But one reassuring fact can help us through the grief process. Our wonderful and insightful Grief Veteran's here, prove that we can get through all of this and heal, and then only our favorite, most cherished, happiest and most loving memories of our lost ones will eventually come to mind. We WILL get there.

All my very best regards & well wishes,
James
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Jan_H
Ana Ng is beautiful.

I work in Dilbert land, so it's different. But for me what got me through the work day:

Focus on work
Stay busy
Shake my head
Fingernails on palm
Teeth on tongue

Please don't hurt yourself. Sometimes a little physical pain could get me through. But a little shake of my head worked best.

Jan
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anang
Thank you so much Ms. Jan! 

Ana Ng was truly my angel. My best friend used to tell our friends that Ana Ng was a cat calendar model, which they always believed. I always had to tell them that my friend was just joking.

Thank you for your guidance. I worked in the behavioral health field for over 20 years, so I def won't hurt myself. But I truly appreciate your techniques to quell the tears! You are very appreciated.

-Katie
K. Unger
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