Day #4 without my Moufle kitty. I am so glad that it is Friday, it’s my 2nd day back to work and I am still very much not OK. My friends are all trying to be sympathetic but I get little comments and looks that it’s time to let it go and return to normal life. How in the world am I supposed to just pop back to “normal” after losing my companion? Every morning for 19 years I was awoken by her little feet walking all over me, telling me it was time to open the back door so she could nibble the grass, and feed her and clean the litter box. Every night we’d be together on the couch, keeping each other warm while I read for a bit before heading to bed, where she lay her head on my chest and fall asleep. My entire world has become so empty. I can be with others when I am out and about but the house is just so empty now, so quiet and empty.
It was garbage day today. I had thought that I would have the strength to empty the litter and wash out the box. I plan to keep all of Moufle’s things. Maybe someday I will be able to allow another kitty to come into my life, and he or she can use the things I have acquired for Moufle. Or maybe not. But her kitty beds which lie near the heating vents are empty now. I keep looking for her there. I’m not sure what it would be like to remove them and have an empty space there. It might hurt too much.
I miss her so much it is crushing. My chest has such a huge hole in it right now. I’m trying to go through the basic motions of the day but I feel like I should be doing something to honor her rather than getting in the car and going to work. I miss her face, her fur, her licks on my nose. Her weight on my lap, her little claws on my knees. All of my pants have snags at the knees. I always sat and she’d nestle into my lap facing out, with her behind on my tummy. I was most at peace with her on me, keeping me warm. Now I must find another way. I feel lost as I have no idea what that way might be.
Does anyone have thoughts on how to get through the weekend? Stay home and let the sadness take over me and consume me, or make myself get out and be with people. See a movie to try and take my mind off of it? I miss her so much. Thank you if you have any ideas on what helps. I’m at a loss as to what to do. Thank you.
“If there ever comes a day when we can't be together keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever”
~Winnie the Pooh