TonilovesherJack
It's been 5 days since the unexpected loss of my gorgeous boy Jack. I love my little Man beyond anything. We were inseparable and I'm struggling so much. Friends and family call and give their support but I am totally lost. I walk from room to room not knowing what to do. I didn't realise how much of my thoughts and time were devoted to Jack until now. He was devoted to me too. I feel I have lost the beat of my heart and my purpose in life. I imagine this is the same for all I can't eat or sleep. I struggle to leave the house but break my heart when I'm back at the front door knowing my best friend isn't behind it. I want to be able to be able to have my boy in my head surrounded by the love we shared and happy thoughts but the pain is so raw. I'm told to just take one day at a time and not think any further. A day seems like a lifetime without him. Any words or support that have helped you would be appreciated. Thank you xxx I love you my baby boy, you were and always be my sunshine. Xxxxxxx
Toni

Jack you will always be my sunshine. Love you forever my baby boy xxxxxxx
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Bellamum
Hi Toni,
I know how much you are struggling without Jack.  I am experiencing the same struggles without Bella.
Just as you expressed, I can not believe how much my life, my thoughts and my actions revolved around my dear girl.  Not until she was gone did I realise.
I have no answers as to how we manage to cope with this devastating loss.  In the 8 weeks and 2 days since I lost Bella I have had days when I think I am getting on top of my emotions, and then days, like today when it is back to the beginning and I seem to cry on and off all day.  I have cried to some extent every one of the 58 days since she left and I can't see it stopping anytime soon.  Like you, my heart feels like it has been torn in two.  I know it will get easier with time, but I don't know how much time that will be.  I hope that soon my torn heart will heal and I will be left with a scar that will belong to Bella and represent all that we had and the depth of my love for her.
Although this pain is unbelievable, I would not trade my time with Bella, just as you wouldn't trade your time with Jack, even if it meant we could take away the pain.  The pain we feel now is the price that we are prepared to pay for all of the good times, the love and the memories.  As hard as it is, it is worth it for what we had......and we need to remember that it is not over, only "on hold".  You will once again be with Jack and I will once again be with Bella.  It may take a while, but when it happens, it will be forever.
I wish you peace and healing.
Take care.
Karen
(Bella and Charli's lucky mum)
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
Karen
(Bella, Charli and Buddy's very lucky mum)

My gorgeous girl, Bella  26/07/2004 - 03/04/2014
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
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shelleekat
Toni, I am so sorry to hear about your boy Jack. It is so tough to come home without your best friend waiting for you. I sometimes don't want to come home knowing my Smokey isn't there. It is so very painful, it's been 10 days since I lost my guy. My heart is missing something. We are here for you.
Shellee
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TonilovesherJack
To Bella's Mummy, Smokey's Mummy and Sugar's Mummy

Thank you so much for your lovely words. It is a comfort knowing I can express my love for my gorgeous boy and my feelings of unbearable sadness to others who understand. The down side is that it is because you are all going through the same. I guess the only consolation is that we can get through each day supporting each other.


Love to you all xxxRainbow Jack.jpg 


I miss you more so, so much my amazing boy xxxxxxxxxxx
Toni

Jack you will always be my sunshine. Love you forever my baby boy xxxxxxx
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TonilovesherJack
I have been inspired by Karen to write to my beautiful boy. Thank you Karen.

So my gorgeous boy it has been almost 7 days since you were by side and nearly 6 that you closed your eyes. It is taking everything in my power to get through each hour without you. I hope you are happy my baby boy and that my sadness is not making you sad.

A nice lady gave me the idea to write to you. Knowing you and your love for the ladies you have probably already met her beautiful Bella.

It was 11 years, 1 month and 16 days ago that I first laid eyes on you in the rescue centre. I will never know how anyone could have given you away but I am so glad they did! As I went in to your kennel and sat down on the hard floor to meet you, can came straight over and plonked yourself on my lap. Well that was it my darling Jack, I adored you from that moment on and I knew we were put on this earth to be together.
I have had so much fun with you over the years and you have picked me up through dark times. I owe so much to you and wanted to keep you by side for ever more. I honestly don't know how to live without you baby boy.
You made a mark on every heart you met. You have more toys than any small child and a bed in every room. Spoilt and you knew it, but you so deserved it. Well my Jack face, you're toys are everywhere. I even have several of them in my bed to cuddle up to at night. I miss our snuggles on the bed every night until you decided which of your beds you were going to sleep in!
The thought of not being able to bury my face in to you again is unbearable. I wish I could have bottled your smell.

I'm sorry if I ever let you down or made the wrong decision. I will probably never know why you had to go when you did and I wish you could have been in my arms when it happened. I don't think I will ever get over that. I hope you know just how much Mummy loves you. You will be in my heart forever Jack and I long for the day we are together again.

Thank you for loving me Jack.

Your Mummy xxxxxx

photo (1).JPG 



Toni

Jack you will always be my sunshine. Love you forever my baby boy xxxxxxx
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Bellamum
Hi Toni,

Something else that helps me pay tribute to Bella and "talk to her" is to light a candle on a website called Gratefulness.  I will paste the link below in case you want to do the same. 
Someone on this forum (I can't remember who) set up a Rainbow Bridge page for us to go onto to light a candle for our dear pets.  I light one most nights and write her a little message. 
In order for you to find your candle again - save the link in your favourites and keep the "RB" code in the third box when you write your message - it will automatically come up, don't delete it.

http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=RB

Take care.
Karen
(Bella and Charli's lucky mum)
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
Karen
(Bella, Charli and Buddy's very lucky mum)

My gorgeous girl, Bella  26/07/2004 - 03/04/2014
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
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Bellamum
Hi Toni,
I just read a post from you on Shadow's mom's page and noticed that you are picking up Jack's ashes soon and that you are having mixed feelings about it.  I sent a reply to Shadow's mum and thought I would post a copy of it here for you. I just thought I would share my experience. 

Bellamum wrote:

I hope that getting Jack's ashes back is a comforting part of your grieving process.  I was so glad to have Bella back with us.  We were fortunate to have her ashes back with us late the next afternoon and I was so glad that she only spent 1 night away.
I know that it is not the same as having them with us as they were in life, but I still see it as having her home with her family.  I found it emotional, but it was also comforting.
My family and I set up 2 memorial spots for Bella.  Her ashes came back in a little cedar box with her name engraved on a gold plate.  My husband nestled the cedar box in her bean bag, which she liked to sleep in (when she wasn't snuggled on our bed with us).  He then put the bean bag up on a side cupboard in our lounge room.  We made a large photo collage of our favourite memories of Bella and mounted it on the wall above the beanbag.  It is our area of tribute to her.  It helps me get through the days as I have somewhere to go to feel close to her and I kiss that little cedar box every single morning and hug it every night before I go to bed (often accompanied with tears).
We also turned her water bowl and food bowl into little plant gardens.  They now sit in the same place on our back outdoor area where she used to eat her dinner.  We also found a beagle statue at a garden shop that has a white spot in exactly the same place on the back as Bella had.  It now has pride of place near her food bowls.
These were 2 ways that we decided to pay tribute to her and to give us "Bella places" to help us remember her. (Although, like you, we now realise that everywhere in our house is a "Bella place" with lots of memories)
 DSCF5004 (480x640).jpgDSCF5006 (480x640).jpg
Bella in her beanbag.           Bella's bowl gardens.  


Bellawallcollage2.jpg (640x427).jpg  
                                               





Our photo collage.



I wish you peace and healing.
Take care.
Karen
(Bella and Charli's lucky mum)
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
Karen
(Bella, Charli and Buddy's very lucky mum)

My gorgeous girl, Bella  26/07/2004 - 03/04/2014
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
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TonilovesherJack
Thank you Karen. I pick Jack up on Thursday which is quite a long gap. I my time is different to yours as I'm in London but my boy gave up and went to sleep around 3pm last Monday. It's 12.20 here and I keep looking at the clock knowing I will be in a meeting at that time. No idea what I'm expecting to happen, it's crazy what goes through our heads.

I haven't decided where to place my boy yet. He loved to curl up on the sofa with his head on the arm. Not exactly an appropriate place! I can see me wanting to carry him from room to room initially. It's all so hard isn't it Karen?

I see you have a new little addition. How are finding having Charli around? Although your heart is broken, it must be nice to have another little one to love.

Thank you for all your support. Xx
Toni

Jack you will always be my sunshine. Love you forever my baby boy xxxxxxx
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Bellamum

It is lovely having Charli, but she certainly isn't Bella.  I do love her, but sometimes I just want my Bella back.  Charli has brought lots of smiles and lots of joy though.  She is a sweet natured, affectionate little dog so it is lovely to have the physical contact again.  She loves to just sit near us with her head on our lap and it is nice to have cuddle time at night again.  BUT, I had forgotten just how hard it is when trying to teach them to walk properly.....she is a bit of a nightmare, but we will get there eventually with patience and lots of rewards.  Charli is helping the healing, but nothing will take away my pain at losing Bella.  This hurt is like nothing I have ever experienced before.  (and sometimes I look at Charli and think, "I don't know if I can go through it again when the times comes" - but then I remind myself that the good times will far outweigh the pain)

I know what you mean about constantly looking at the clock and thinking, "this time last week/month etc" - I did that for so long.  I don't know why because it doesn't accomplish anything..it just adds to the distress.  I am a bit better about times and days of the week now, but it has taken a while.  Tomorrow at 9.00am it will 2 months for us and I have had feelings of dread, but as I just said, it isn't changing anything.

I remember when we went to meet Charli (a 6 hr drive there and back, so we decided to stay overnight), I wanted to take Bella's ashes with me.  I had her in the car to leave, but in the end I didn't take her because I was worried that the box might get damaged.  I took a photo instead.  I really struggled with leaving her on her own overnight, so I can understand you thinking that you will want to carry Jack everywhere initially.

Karen
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."

 

Karen
(Bella, Charli and Buddy's very lucky mum)

My gorgeous girl, Bella  26/07/2004 - 03/04/2014
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
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TonilovesherJack
Karen, something you just mentioned is making me so anxious. My daughter wants me to go up to Edinburgh where she is at Uni at the weekend for a concert she is in. The original plan was for my sister to come and look after Jack. With my boy no longer being with me I am panicking about how I will feel with only collecting his ashes on Thursday and having to leave him for 3 days straight after. It's effecting me so much my sister has offered to collect his box and keep him with her until I am home. But that isn't making me feel any better.

I'm so glad you understand. I'm sure if I mentioned that to someone that doesn't, they will think I'm going crazy.
Toni

Jack you will always be my sunshine. Love you forever my baby boy xxxxxxx
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TonilovesherJack
Hello my gorgeous boy. It's been a week since you went to sleep and a week since I last cuddled and kissed you. Jack, it's been the longest week of my life. I miss you so much. You really were my everything, - my son, my best friend, my soulmate, my protector, my confidante and my counsellor. I'm so lost without you. Everything is a challenge because all I want is to have our life back the way it was just over a week ago.

I long for the day that we meet again and are together for eternity. I love you so much my little man. Xxxxxxxxx

Mummy xxxxxxx
Toni

Jack you will always be my sunshine. Love you forever my baby boy xxxxxxx
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TonilovesherJack
It is now 8 days since my handsome boy passed. The pain is getting worse. I think about the days, weeks ahead without Jack by my side and it feels like I can't breath. Realisation hit today that these last 8 days have the longest I have been on my own in my entire life. From family home to my married home, then my Jack joined my daughter and I after my divorce 11years ago. Since my daughter has been at Uni it's just been Jack and me like 2 peas in a pod. I feel like I have to learn a whole new life and I don't want to. I was so happy it just being me and my little man.

I'm sure many of you are going through the same thing, it's just so hard.

Toni

Jack you will always be my sunshine. Love you forever my baby boy xxxxxxx
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TonilovesherJack
My gorgeous boy, its now 14 days since you made your journey to Rainbow Bridge. You have left a huge hole in my world. I still keep expectimg you to be on the sofa or by my side in the kitchen. I would do anything to turn back the clock Jack and do things differently in the hope the outcome would have been different. Sorry about all the tears, I miss you so much and am struggling with you not being here. The house has lost its warmth and seems so empty.

I hope you are happy my little man. You made me very happy and made the world a better place.

Love you forever my best friend.

Mummy xxxxxxx
Toni

Jack you will always be my sunshine. Love you forever my baby boy xxxxxxx
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TonilovesherJack
Another rubbish day my little man. It was you that got me through all the rubbish days. Now everyday feels the same without you. Empty and colourless. Jack it was you that brought the sunshine and the colour into life. You always knew how to make things better and how to make me laugh. We had so many laughs my little man. I miss tickling your tummy, stroking behind your ears and planting those endless kisses on your face. It was definitely a 2 way thing my loving boy. You were mine and I was yours.
I miss you so very much. Love you Jack face.

Mummy xxxxxxxxx
Toni

Jack you will always be my sunshine. Love you forever my baby boy xxxxxxx
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Liesl_Love
Toni,

My heart goes out to you.  I know your heartache and loss.  It has been three weeks and one day since I lost my Liesl.  It feels like eons since I held her and kissed her precious face. Time is all distorted for me and life is gray.   The love for our furbabies makes it nearly impossible to go on without them, but some how we will so we can honor them and tell others how wonderful they were and how we were so very, very lucky to have them. Thinking of you ...

Liesl's mom,
Lisa 
Your paw prints are on my heart...I will love you always.
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