Frid
I am struggling with my decision to euthanize my best friend. He was 14 years and 10 months. I wanted him to live to be 15 or 16. Months ago that seemed possible. He had been diagnosed with degenerative disc disease in 2010. He was able to walk by himself until January 2016. He had a slow a steady decline in function from the onset. First he was unable to take stairs, then his ability to walk longer distances disappeared, then he could only go for longer walks using his doggy wheels, then he lost the ability to use his doggy door, then he lost the ability to stand on his own, then he was losing his ability to scoot around in the house. He could still walk if stood with assistance and using a tail rub technique the therapist showed me. He also maintained an appetite. However, everyday and half the nights he would cry for hours even after pain medication. I wasn't sure if it was from his frustration due to decreased mobility, pain, or his way of communicating he needed help to stand and walk. Then I saw his front paws shake with attempted movement and him getting stuck when he tried to move around. On Juky 1 I called to ask the vet if she had any more suggestions given his current situation. She said we had tried everything she could think of - gabapentin, tramadol, amantadine, methocarbamol, laser, acupuncture, hydrotherapy, heat, massage. On that day, the thought of him making it to his 15th birthday 8 weeks away seemed like it would be a cruel decision to keep him with me. I had the vet come to the house to euthanize him. The next day I was in shock as to how I could have made such a decision. Now he was gone and I could not bring him back. Everyday I cry and feel overwhelmed with the idea that I caused him to not be here anymore. My mind thinks of things that maybe I should have done. He was my best friend and relied upon me with utmost trust and I killed him. These thoughts are haunting me. I hope reaching out to others may help me to accept what I cannot change.
BooBoo's PuppyMum
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Sampson
Hello Frid,
From what you described your dog was in pain and suffering. You did the kindest thing possible for him. It's normal to second guess yourself but there is no need. Dogs hide their pain as long as they can so if he was crying every night it must have been very bad. This is a hard decision to make but you made the one that freed him from his suffering. You did the right thing. My deepest condolences on your loss!
S.
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mtz1969
I'm so sorry for your loss. To echo what Sampson said, from your words it's clear that your best friend was in a lot of pain -- pain that he could not do anything on his own about, and pain that he was hardwired to try and hide from you. You and your vet had tried everything.  Your decision to release him from that pain and move on to someplace better took strength, courage and most of all love. 

As I've heard a number of times from kind souls here as I try to deal with the same exact thoughts and emotions as you are, it's far, far better to be a week too early than an hour too late. The guilt is part of the grief  -- we're desperate to understand "why", and blaming ourselves is the perfect opportunity to both answer that question and at the same time punish ourselves for our perceived failure.  But it's just that -- perceived.  You didn't fail him.  In his time of greatest need you were there for him, and you were strong enough and selfless enough to help him slip the ropes that tied him to his earthly pain and suffering.  He loves you even more for that, I promise.

Mike
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jimmy17
I am so very sorry for your loss, but please don`t beat yourself up.  You made the ONLY decision possible as a loving , caring and responsible pet owner.  It sounds like your little friend was in quite a lot of discomfort, and although its the most natural thing in the world to want to keep them with us for longer, sometimes we have to give them the last gift of love by taking away their pain.    Of course, by doing that, we then take on the pain in the form of unbearable grief, and question ourselves over and over, even to the point of blaming ourselves for their loss.   
 I also blamed myself 7 months ago when we had to have our special little dog put to sleep, and from being on this forum for a long time, it seems a lot of us do question ourselves.  The very fact that your dog was 14 years and 10 months old shows just how very much you loved and cared for him, and although you won`t believe it, you will slowly start to feel a little better and realise that when he needed you, you where there for him .  He really would want to thank you for that.

                                                                           Take care, Jackie







J Taylor
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badkitty13x
Hi Frid, I'm so sorry for your loss.   I felt (and still do) the same way you do when I chose to euthanize my beautiful 17 year old Siamese cat Tuna.   I lost her on 6/13 and I still spend alot of time crying.  She had a number of health issue like chronic pancreatitis, very bad arthritis, and chronic renal failure.  She just hadn't been herself for months and we kept adding more and more medicine (including subcutaneous fluids) to her arsenal, which she abhorred taking.

A close friend told me that sometimes our pets hang around for US - they realize that we need them so they endure the pain and suffering to remain by our sides.   I think what you did was the right thing -  your doggie was suffering and you need to be kind to yourself and realize that what you did was out of love for your best friend...no wonderful pet should have to endure such pain.

I hope you can learn to live with the decision - which to me, sounds like the most humane thing you could have done - and focus on your wonderful times together.    Your pet was allowed to pass with dignity, and the suffering and pain is gone.   
Cheryl
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winstonsmom12
I take great offense at the word "killing" you have used!  Your baby was obviously suffering a great deal.  He lived a long and loving life until the end of his old age.  My Winston was a 12 yr old English Bulldog.  Their life span is usually 8-10 years.  I thank the lord everyday he outlived it. I wish he had lived as long as your dog did.  Winston was also failing in his old age and was showing signs of sickness. 

When I put him to sleep, I NEVER thought of it as "kiling"him.  That really upsets me you could use that term.  Winston passed with dignity, he was not killed!  From all the symptoms you describe, his quality of life wasn't there anymore.  With the suffering you describe he was going through, perhaps you waited too long to ease him out of his misery.  Euthanasia is in no way "killing".  You should re-think the terms you use.
Susan
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MLynne
You gave him the gift of being whole and pain free for eternity. That's the kindest act of love we can give back for all the years of love and devotion they give to us. We always second guess ourselves because they are our babies and we want them to live forever. You are and always will be connected by your love and spirit.
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silvermini3
I agree with all that Sampson has said....his quality of life was not good, you did the right thing for him. My Beau was only 9 when I freed him, we were robbed of many years ahead. But it was the way it was to be. Sadly.
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Frid
winstonsmom12 wrote:
I take great offense at the word "killing" you have used!  Your baby was obviously suffering a great deal.  He lived a long and loving life until the end of his old age.  My Winston was a 12 yr old English Bulldog.  Their life span is usually 8-10 years.  I thank the lord everyday he outlived it. I wish he had lived as long as your dog did.  Winston was also failing in his old age and was showing signs of sickness. 

When I put him to sleep, I NEVER thought of it as "kiling"him.  That really upsets me you could use that term.  Winston passed with dignity, he was not killed!  From all the symptoms you describe, his quality of life wasn't there anymore.  With the suffering you describe he was going through, perhaps you waited too long to ease him out of his misery.  Euthanasia is in no way "killing".  You should re-think the terms you use.


Susan, because of your caustic words, I felt more emotional pain. I could feel your negativity as I read your response. I hope you do not continue to beat down those looking for support on this site. I wish you had not responded to my post. When someone is grieving the loss of a pet, they don't need to read a response from such a chastising person bitterly telling them how wrong and ungrateful they are. Prayers for you to heal your soul.
BooBoo's PuppyMum
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Frid
MLynne wrote:
You gave him the gift of being whole and pain free for eternity. That's the kindest act of love we can give back for all the years of love and devotion they give to us. We always second guess ourselves because they are our babies and we want them to live forever. You are and always will be connected by your love and spirit.


Thanks so much. I'm beginning to think about his spirit being free. Your words are comforting
BooBoo's PuppyMum
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Frid
badkitty13x wrote:
Hi Frid, I'm so sorry for your loss.   I felt (and still do) the same way you do when I chose to euthanize my beautiful 17 year old Siamese cat Tuna.   I lost her on 6/13 and I still spend alot of time crying.  She had a number of health issue like chronic pancreatitis, very bad arthritis, and chronic renal failure.  She just hadn't been herself for months and we kept adding more and more medicine (including subcutaneous fluids) to her arsenal, which she abhorred taking.

A close friend told me that sometimes our pets hang around for US - they realize that we need them so they endure the pain and suffering to remain by our sides.   I think what you did was the right thing -  your doggie was suffering and you need to be kind to yourself and realize that what you did was out of love for your best friend...no wonderful pet should have to endure such pain.

I hope you can learn to live with the decision - which to me, sounds like the most humane thing you could have done - and focus on your wonderful times together.    Your pet was allowed to pass with dignity, and the suffering and pain is gone.   


Thanks so much Cheryl. Your taking time to provide emotional support to me means a lot
BooBoo's PuppyMum
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Frid
jimmy17 wrote:
I am so very sorry for your loss, but please don`t beat yourself up.  You made the ONLY decision possible as a loving , caring and responsible pet owner.  It sounds like your little friend was in quite a lot of discomfort, and although its the most natural thing in the world to want to keep them with us for longer, sometimes we have to give them the last gift of love by taking away their pain.    Of course, by doing that, we then take on the pain in the form of unbearable grief, and question ourselves over and over, even to the point of blaming ourselves for their loss.   
 I also blamed myself 7 months ago when we had to have our special little dog put to sleep, and from being on this forum for a long time, it seems a lot of us do question ourselves.  The very fact that your dog was 14 years and 10 months old shows just how very much you loved and cared for him, and although you won`t believe it, you will slowly start to feel a little better and realise that when he needed you, you where there for him .  He really would want to thank you for that.

                                                                           Take care, Jackie









Thanks so much Jackie. It is a daily struggle, but I can see what you say is true
BooBoo's PuppyMum
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Frid
Sampson wrote:
Hello Frid,
From what you described your dog was in pain and suffering. You did the kindest thing possible for him. It's normal to second guess yourself but there is no need. Dogs hide their pain as long as they can so if he was crying every night it must have been very bad. This is a hard decision to make but you made the one that freed him from his suffering. You did the right thing. My deepest condolences on your loss!
S.


Thank you Sampson
BooBoo's PuppyMum
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Frid
mtz1969 wrote:
I'm so sorry for your loss. To echo what Sampson said, from your words it's clear that your best friend was in a lot of pain -- pain that he could not do anything on his own about, and pain that he was hardwired to try and hide from you. You and your vet had tried everything.  Your decision to release him from that pain and move on to someplace better took strength, courage and most of all love. 

As I've heard a number of times from kind souls here as I try to deal with the same exact thoughts and emotions as you are, it's far, far better to be a week too early than an hour too late. The guilt is part of the grief  -- we're desperate to understand "why", and blaming ourselves is the perfect opportunity to both answer that question and at the same time punish ourselves for our perceived failure.  But it's just that -- perceived.  You didn't fail him.  In his time of greatest need you were there for him, and you were strong enough and selfless enough to help him slip the ropes that tied him to his earthly pain and suffering.  He loves you even more for that, I promise.

Mike


Thank you Mike. Your words are very insightful
BooBoo's PuppyMum
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