Staffylady

My much loved dog is dying. She doesn’t have long left. 


I am preparing to say goodbye and I’m scared. I don’t want my dog to be in pain and I’ll never let her suffer but I know that letting her go is going to destroy me. I know it will take me ages to “get over” (not that you can get over it) her death and adjust to not having a dog. 


How long will it hurt for? How long will it take me to get past it? How long did it take you to reach a new normal when it stopped hurting daily?

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Pecan_mom
I’m so sorry that you are going through this.  It will take time.  You just need to give yourself time and be kind to yourself.  Allow yourself to feel your emotions and give yourself time to grieve and heal.  We are all different and deal with it differently.  Visit this forum as much as possible and share your thoughts and feelings.  We are all here for you and truly understand your pain.  Hope everything goes as smoothly as possible.  Remember your dog knows how much you love her and she loves you unconditionally.  Also animals understand death and deal with it way better than us.  I’m praying for both of you.  Sending you love.  
Sp
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jacksmom16
We lost our Jack a month ago, yesterday, and I cried non-stop for the first two days. I cried everyday for the next 2 weeks - every time I saw his bed or his bowl at feeding time or when .  I still cry at least once a day, usually at bed time, when he'd jump on the bed to get his goodnight kiss and snuggle. But I'm able to cope a little bit better now. I set up a place for his ashes, picture and paw print on our entertainment center, near one of his favorite spots in the house. I bought wind chimes and put his picture on the back for the back yard - his other favorite place to be, in the sun. Now every time I hear the chimes, I know he's there in spirit. The first week, I thought it was going to be impossible for my heart to not feel broken. Don't get me wrong, I miss him every single day and my heart is forever changed, but a few weeks into it, it gets a little easier to cope with. I can sometimes look at his pics and just smile, without breaking down. I look forward to the day he and I get to meet again on that bridge! I'm so sorry for what you're experiencing right now.  Hugs to you and your fur baby. 
KM
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Memories_of_Marmalade
Dear Lou,

Firstly I am very sorry that your beloved is experiencing what she is, and for your concerns. Which are very valid. I wish that I had come here to this forum as you have, to learn before I went through similar circumstances.

One of the best pieces of advice I learned here on this forum is the following:

"When we agree to end our pets pain & suffering, we then take thier pain * suffering onto ourselves. We transfer it, we absorb it, and then we process it through our grief. That is the bargain that we make, to show them mercy."

So this is what you are expecting and what many of us here have been through. As Sp said above so wisely, it is different for each of us. This forum can be very, very cathartic and healing. And paying it forward (helping others through their own journey of grief) also helps with healing for some reason. It is a good way to honor the love our beloved's provided us. It is a way for their love to continue. It gives even more meaning to their lives.

I send you healing good wishes and prayers for strength and courage. We are with you in comradeship and spirit, as your girl will be. Always.

Kind regards,
James
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twodogmom
Other than the hurt we all obviously feel at the loss of our fur-babies, one of the hardest things to cope with (for both my husband and I) was the silence and stillness in the house after they have departed. The quiet is such a reminder of the horrible loss we have experienced, even with other pets, a family member is missing and it feels like a hole in the heart.

This awareness lasted several days; maybe a week or ten days. After some time, we grew used to the silence and the missing family member, but the hurt remains. Over longer periods of time, the pain dulls in intensity, but it never completely goes away. After having lost my parents, I recognized that I would never stop missing and mourning them, and the same is true for my fur-children who have since departed. You somehow adjust to the pain, and learn to go through life without your loved ones, but as time passes the good times are happy, cherished memories. It becomes a new normal. 

My wish for you is that you and your fur-baby experience wonderful days together, and when your girl's time comes, that her passing is peaceful and easy for her.
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Staffylady
Dear Lou,

Firstly I am very sorry that your beloved is experiencing what she is, and for your concerns. Which are very valid. I wish that I had come here to this forum as you have, to learn before I went through similar circumstances.

One of the best pieces of advice I learned here on this forum is the following:

"When we agree to end our pets pain & suffering, we then take thier pain * suffering onto ourselves. We transfer it, we absorb it, and then we process it through our grief. That is the bargain that we make, to show them mercy."

So this is what you are expecting and what many of us here have been through. As Sp said above so wisely, it is different for each of us. This forum can be very, very cathartic and healing. And paying it forward (helping others through their own journey of grief) also helps with healing for some reason. It is a good way to honor the love our beloved's provided us. It is a way for their love to continue. It gives even more meaning to their lives.

I send you healing good wishes and prayers for strength and courage. We are with you in comradeship and spirit, as your girl will be. Always.

Kind regards,
James


Thank you. That really is beautiful.
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fvernon
I'm so sorry for your situation, it must be so very hard.  Like others have said, the first few days to a week are very painful and then it starts to feel less intense gradually, the pain is still there but it isn't so all consuming.  My advice would be to lean into the pain and 'trust the process' of grieving.  I thought this was a load of rubbish when I was going through it and worried that I wouldn't ever feel better but eventually, it is easier to bear.  The loss is still there but it becomes a part of you.
Take Care,
Fliss
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Claudia90
It's hard watching your friend struggle to the end of.their lives. For me, when I lost my cat, it took over 4 or 5 months to stop sobbing daily after her.
Today I lost my other cat due to cancer. How long it will take me, I don't know, but hopefully time will help heal these wounds.
It depends on each person how long they can pass their grief but rely on your closest friends, your family for support and don't be ashamed to bawl your eyes out if that's what you feel like doing
Be strong for your friend until the end. They can sense your distress.

The saddest moment is when the one who gave you the best memories,
Becomes a memory.

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ShadowDad
Eight months and counting since I went through the heartbreak that you are facing.  I watched my girl pass, and when she did, I swear my soul went with her.  Everyone of us hurt in different ways, but the same ways too.  I know now that my life will never be normal again after such a heartbreaking loss.  It's a destination from which you cannot return.  You won't be the same person you were before either.  Even after a lot of time has passed, it will always be there in your mind every day without fail.  Like you, I knew that when I lost Shadow, it would utterly and completely destroy me, and it did.  I was mad at God for taking her, then thanking him for not letting her suffer.  I saw two counselors and although they did give me help, it was never enough.  It's a long, lonely, desolate, painful road.  One that will test every ounce of strength you can muster, and then it won't seem enough.  I really didn't even want to live for the first months.  It was hard and still is.  There's just not many words that helped me a whole lot, but one word that did help me is "grateful".  I was angry that she was taken from me, but in time I became grateful for the chance God gave me to share 15 years of my life with an angel, my best friend, and my soul mate.  They just do not live near long enough and its not fair.  They are the sanctuary where we place our deepest emotional bonds, unconditional love, and unrepressed feelings.  They are innocent, and when we lose them, the innocence is shattered and it makes us begin to question our very existence here.  It is the most hurtful pain.  One that goes straight to the soul.  Losing our babies is a deep gash in our souls that can never totally heal.  Prayers for you and your blessed angel.  My heart hurts for you and your angel. 
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Memories_of_Marmalade
Claudia90 wrote:

"Be strong for your friend until the end. They can sense your distress."

These words hit me hard, as I prayed to be strong at the end for my cat Marmalade. And somehow I was delivered by God. And I did not show one sign of sadness or fear at the end. As I wrote in a prior post, all I did was reminsce out loud, as Marmalade lay calmly in a sphinx pose from within in his cat carrier, which sat on an examination table watching me like a hawk with his one good eye. He could barely hear me as he was near completely deaf, but he watched me intently. I did not want him to worry anymore than he was already worrying.

For around 45 minutes before the final procedure (the Vet wanted to make certain that I was certain) I recounted all of our times and adventures and memories together. And I smiled and laughed, again and again, so as to lesson the concern of my boy. He had already been through so much at that point and did not like going to the Animal Hospital. I did not lose it until it was all over and he was gone and was leaving the building. And my entire World shattered. 

Thank you for sharing that advice. It is really important to try and do, if possible. Which is not always possible as we know.

Dear ShadowDad,

Your words are always so poignant and true. They ring out truths that need to be said and remembered here on the forum.  I 100% concur that "Gratitude" is key to healing and surving our losses.

As many here know, if you read some of our story, I was an atheist for over 50 years until Marmalade lead me back to a higher power. His loyalty, love, devotion, and companionship, when I was literally at the end of my rope, and the things we experienced and witnessed together brought me back to faith.

Each night I pray:

"Dear God, please tell Marmalade if you can that I love him, I miss him, I am sorry and I hope to see him again someday. But if you can not for some reason, please know that I am still very grateful for your crossing our paths when you did and for the time we were allotted."

Thank you, as always for sharing your keen wisdom and observations.

All best,
James
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Lrogers424
I am so sorry for the pain you and your beloved companion are going through. Many here on this forum have faced the same heartbreaking decision to end the suffering of our companion and all have loved and lost a precious soul.  2 years ago I also had to make the unthinkable decision to end the suffering of my sweet Daisy; my beloved friend and companion.  In a matter of 2 weeks my seemingly healthy pup became seriously ill and could not urinate, was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was gone.  To say I was heartbroken would be an understatement.  I was soul broken. 

Everyone has their own journey through grief.  There is no time limit and no magic shortcut.  There are wretched days and days of acceptance.  For me, eventually it became a pain i could bear and carry with me like a smooth river stone; heavy in my pocket,  but one i could hold. I still love and miss my girl, but I am intensely grateful that she shared her life with me. 

This is what my journey taught me:
-It is natural to deeply grieve the loss of your companion; they are not just pets, they are beloved.

-Grief takes time and many forms. Feel all the pain and all the love. Be kind and patient with yourself through the process.

-Find people, like on this forum, who understand and can give you support through your journey. Some people cannot understand the loss of a companion. Do not be angry with them, they have not had the honor of that intense bond.

-The pain is so intense because the love is so intense.

-The love does not disappear when our loved one leaves this earth. It always remains with us.

-It is okay to love again. The legacy of our companions is that they set our hearts up for love and your capacity to love is endless.  

My 2 year mark was July 6th, 2020.  I share my simplified,  quarantine life with family, my 16 year old cat, Callie and my almost 2 year old pup, Luna.  Luna came into my life a tiny 8 week old puppy about 4 months after losing Daisy.  Not everyone was on board with that decision and it was very rough in the beginning, but Luna is a joy and a wonderful companion.  She is all light and life and yes, the legacy of Daisy's love.

Stay safe, stay well.
Lori, Daisy's Mom and now Luna's Mom
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Helonwheels
I can identify with all your loving and painful words. I cried for 9 weeks straight. On the 7th week I was not ok at all, it frightened me how much emotions have over your body. I keep living in hope that I will see my boy again, but for now, he is asleep in death.  Today is the 10th week and I am starting to come to terms with my loss, I speak with him daily. It is a stark reality to have to come to terms with, but it is very important to grieve and to look at photos and remember the loving memories they made with us. Take it day by day, don't rush it, ignore those who don't understand.  This is a very personal journey, only you can navigate your way through. All of us on here have been hurt and heartbroken,  our best friends robbed from us, a lonely course awaits, however, in your time, there awaits another dog, waiting for our love, they will never replace the one's we lose, but they will heal our broken hearts. I feel for you and send you a big hug. Hang in there. Xoxo 
Helen xx
X x
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Mistysmama
Dear Staffylady,

Bless your dear girl.

I am so sorry. It is so hard when they have had to go on before us. They are good, where they are (so my Misty showed me) but we miss them so deeply.

It's an up-and-down journey, through the weeks, months, and years. At least, I found that it was so. I didn't resist the ups and downs, I just rolled with them, and in my Heart, I held the gifts and the Love which she showed me

I have had so many moments of joy since my girl's passing; joy when I felt her connect with me, and joy to feel the atmosphere of that state, place, or Being, which she is now in.....and waiting for me. It's the most lovely thing.

But I have had times of the opposite too; when the house feels empty and I feel lost without her, and she feels so far away.

But I have learned to accept the roller-coaster. Nothing will ever be the same again. I was blessed to share my life with that Soul, and eight years later, still miss her. But life goes on, and I am able to go on with it.
We do get used to carrying ourselves through life in our new shape. Even though tears may still come at times.

Yet every morning I greet her photo when I wake up. Every night I thank her before I go to sleep. I still think of her every day, and probably will for the rest of my life here.

My girl also helped to restore my faith in God. Something amazing touched my Heart and I became much more conscious of blessings.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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Monroegirl
It's been almost four months for me since my beloved cat went to the Rainbow Bridge. The first few weeks were really difficult and then I did ok for awhile and now I'm backsliding again. It's different for everyone. Many hugs to you during this extremely difficult time.
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