Dear Froggy79- You have very movingly described 4 extremely stressful situations: infertility trouble, the birth of a child, caring for a terminally ill, much loved pet, and the death of the beloved pet. Of course you feel as if you are going crazy; this is a lot to deal with. You may want to consult a professional counselor, and I hope this forum can also help you as it has me. We can relate to what you are going through; we can reassure you that you are not crazy and that you can get through it. My 15 year old dachshund died in March. Brandon had Cushings disease, plus hyperparathyroidism. By his last year he was almost completely deaf, had numerous benign lumps and bumps, and had been having epileptic seizures since the age of 2. It was heartbreaking to see my once beautiful healthy dog ravaged by old age and sickness, but I loved him so much that I was glad to take good care of him. It sounds as if you felt the same way about your Hudson.
Eventually you will adopt another dog, but now is probably not the right time. Well meaning friends who think you should move on because it was only a dog have obviously never been that bonded with a pet and have no idea what you are going through. The relationship with a dog can be closer than any other relationship, partly because of the amount of time spent together. Our pets become extensions of ourselves. We talk to them, sing to them and cuddle them all day. We feel comfortable pouring out all our hopes and dreams, love and devotion. When we walk into the house only our dogs jump for joy. Shortly after Brandon died I went to a long planned family reunion where I had the chance to see my 3 children and 5 young grandchildren. They all live far away from me so it always a thrill to see them, and we were at a beach resort, which should have been super fun. Unfortunately, I was in deep mourning and most of the time I just wanted to sit in my hotel room and cry. Is it normal for a woman not to enjoy her delightful young grandchildren because her dachshund has died? I don't know how normal it is, but it is probably more common that we realize. The death of a cherished pet is a profound loss, and yet we are expected to cry for a day or two and then get over it. I have lost pets before and it takes me several months to recover. For weeks after Brandon died I would wake up in the middle of every night with the feeling that I could not breathe. At first I thought maybe I had a health problem but finally realized that I was having anxiety attacks from the stress of Brandon's death. As you know, everything is harder to cope with if you are not getting enough sleep. I suspect this is also a problem for you, especially with a baby to care for. How old is your baby now? I hope you will continue to post to this forum and let us know how you are doing, even if you are having a bad day. And I do hope we can help. -Dachsiemom
Moira - remembering Brandon
"Better lo'ed ye canna be. Will ye no' come back again?"