Barneyboy
On Saturday, I lost my 14 year old Golden Retriever.  What I though would be a quick visit to the vet for an infection turned out to be lymphoma which had spread throughout his body.  He was my rock, my protector, my buddy and my friend.  The vet explained that she could send him home with some medication but that within a week or 2 his organs would begin to shut down - I was devastated.  I waited for my daughter and we made the decision to put him down on a good day.  He was having a good day.  We took a walk, had a pint of ice cream - he had a good day.

Now I am lost, every corner I turn, every door I open - he is not there.  While I know that it was the right decision, I have lost my BEST friend.  My guy, my boy.

I spoke with the crematory yesterday and he was cremated.  I will have his ashes back on Friday and am hoping that it will give me some relief to know that in some way he is still at home with me and where he belongs.

I am really having a hard time with this - it is so heart breaking.  

Thanks for listening.

Barney's Mom

Barney's Mom
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jimmy17
Barney`s Mom,  I am so very sorry for your loss of Barney - Golden Retrievers are such beautiful dogs, and it sounds like you and he were so very close.   Right now, your grief will be overwhelming, and trying to adjust to them not being there is so hard.    I lost my little dog almost 2 and a half years ago, and I was pretty much like a zombie for the first days and weeks - I couldn`t eat or sleep properly, and everything just seems to remind you of your loss.    All I can say is that it will slowly get better, although everyone grieves differently, and it will take as long as it takes...     Finding this forum was  the best thing I ever did,  everyone here understands exactly how you feel, so I am so glad you have found it too - it helps to know there is always someone willing to listen, and try to help - even reading some of the other posts can make you feel a little better - and reinforces that the way you feel is normal. 

 As for getting Barney`s ashes back  - for me it helped so much bringing Jim back home where he belonged - so I hope it will help you too.   Once again, I am so sorry....

                                                                                                    Sending peace and hugs,    Jackie. 



J Taylor
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msweet13
Dearest Barney's Mom - I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved boy Barney. I know exactly how you feel because I felt the same way when I lost my precious Brutus. Brutus was 11.5 years old when he passed suddenly from a failed heart valve caused by congestive heart failure disease.  He has been gone a little over 11 weeks and I still find myself walking around the house in a daze, going room to room and imagining all Brutus' special places. I carry his mallard duck baby with me when I go into a room and I place the duck in the exact spot where Brutus would be and it somehow makes me feel that he is really there with me. I did find comfort in having his ashes--it was like having him home again after a relatively long absence. Home--where he belonged. I still feel very much broken and lost and struggle every day to just move forward. It takes baby steps but I keep the faith that I will heal in whatever time I am suppose to heal. I agree with what Jackie said -- joining this forum was the best thing I ever did in trying to figure out what I was suppose to do next. If nothing else, it gives you a space to "write" to your precious boy and tell him how you are feeling. You will find that many of the posts on this site are "love letters" written to lost fur-babies, or the sharing of stories and pictures of our beloved babies to keep their memories alive. Again, I am very sorry for your loss and I wish you warm hugs and blessings of comfort.
Denise (Brutus' Mom)
Brutus von Dolce
06/19/2006 - 03/16/2018
RIP my sweet beautiful boy
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Barneyboy
Thank you for your kind words - am so fortunate to have found this group

Much appreciation

Barney's Mom
Barney's Mom
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CKMP
Barney's Mom,

I am so so sorry for your loss of your loving boy Barney.  This is the 'fog' of grief - nothing seems real, everything seems unimportant and nothing really seems to matter any longer.  The shock is enormous -I can understand this as this was very similar to the manner in which I lost one of my two girls in September.   Grief is because of love...and while the pain is so so great the love is as well.  The physical loss of your Barney changes everything - your entire day and your perspective on who you are, your purpose and where to go from here.  Your constant companion - and Golden Retrievers are so so loyal, is a loss of a critical and pivotal life within your world. Time will not heal but as Jackie says it will lead you to a place where the ache is less sharp many days and there is some healing knowing your lovely Barney is still nearby and always will be.  The bond is forever.   Grief takes its own path, its own time for everyone is different...just let it be what it will be...Logically we know we make the right decisions however, the mind and the heart are at odds with one another when we must make that most unselfish decision that is best for our fur one but the worst decision for ourselves.  I agree with Jackie - to have the ashes back home was a comfort - back home where they belong...and with Denise -rituals that we still engage in that bring comfort of any degree.  Both are right too in urging you to visit the forum often -read the stories, letters and messages that often help to let you know you are not alone and that grief has no timeline that everyone follows.  There are so many kind, caring and understanding people at this forum it truly is a 'godsend' for salvation during this journey.  Take care - wishing you a moment today of peace and calm.
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Barneyboy
Thank you CKMP for your kind words
Barney's Mom
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Barneyboy
The nights are the hardest - too much time to think and reflect.  My boy comes home tomorrow - I feel like he is lost and I cannot find him.  My dreams have become nightmares - I keep looking for him and he is not there.

I called a local animal shelter and have asked if they would like some of his things - not everything - he had so much.  This is so horrible - my heart will forever be broken.

Miss my boy.......
Barney's Mom
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Barneyboy
My boy is home miss and love him
Barney's Mom
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PipersMother
Barneyboy wrote:
On Saturday, I lost my 14 year old Golden Retriever.  What I though would be a quick visit to the vet for an infection turned out to be lymphoma which had spread throughout his body.  He was my rock, my protector, my buddy and my friend.  The vet explained that she could send him home with some medication but that within a week or 2 his organs would begin to shut down - I was devastated.  I waited for my daughter and we made the decision to put him down on a good day.  He was having a good day.  We took a walk, had a pint of ice cream - he had a good day.

Now I am lost, every corner I turn, every door I open - he is not there.  While I know that it was the right decision, I have lost my BEST friend.  My guy, my boy.

I spoke with the crematory yesterday and he was cremated.  I will have his ashes back on Friday and am hoping that it will give me some relief to know that in some way he is still at home with me and where he belongs.

I am really having a hard time with this - it is so heart breaking.  

Thanks for listening.

Barney's Mom



Barney's mom, I am very sorry to hear about your loss.  What a hard loss, after 14 years with your boy, and not even knowing he had any health issues.  What shock you must be feeling.  

When my Gabbie kitty died 14 years ago, I couldn't wait to get her ashes back.  I felt so much better - more complete - when I picked them up from the vet and got her home where she belonged.  Then, when my Piper died last August, I was in shock and just lost without her, but her ashes seemed to have less meaning. They just weren't her.  Piper was too sweet and innocent and I couldn't correlate ashes with her sweet soul.  Instead, I have a stuffed toy that I cling to in lieu of her, and I have huge 8x10 photos of her sweet face all over the walls that made it feel like she was here.  I do have her ashes and I sleep with them every night (I kiss them good morning and good night), but they seem so much less like "her" than I expected.

Now this week I have lost my Miranda kitty. She was with me for 22 years, and like Gabbie, I cannot wait to get her ashes back home where she belongs.  I need her here. Although again, I have a stuffed toy, her blanket, and a bunch of photos that keep her ever-present everywhere I turn.  But by day, her ashes will sit on my desk while I work (she was always in the way and I'd like to keep it like that) and by night I will sleep with her ashes next to me to,  curled up next to my belly, where she always used to sleep.  And she will be home.  

Blessings and comfort to you as you grieve your special boy.
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Barneyboy
PipersMother wrote:


Barney's mom, I am very sorry to hear about your loss.  What a hard loss, after 14 years with your boy, and not even knowing he had any health issues.  What shock you must be feeling.  

When my Gabbie kitty died 14 years ago, I couldn't wait to get her ashes back.  I felt so much better - more complete - when I picked them up from the vet and got her home where she belonged.  Then, when my Piper died last August, I was in shock and just lost without her, but her ashes seemed to have less meaning. They just weren't her.  Piper was too sweet and innocent and I couldn't correlate ashes with her sweet soul.  Instead, I have a stuffed toy that I cling to in lieu of her, and I have huge 8x10 photos of her sweet face all over the walls that made it feel like she was here.  I do have her ashes and I sleep with them every night (I kiss them good morning and good night), but they seem so much less like "her" than I expected.

Now this week I have lost my Miranda kitty. She was with me for 22 years, and like Gabbie, I cannot wait to get her ashes back home where she belongs.  I need her here. Although again, I have a stuffed toy, her blanket, and a bunch of photos that keep her ever-present everywhere I turn.  But by day, her ashes will sit on my desk while I work (she was always in the way and I'd like to keep it like that) and by night I will sleep with her ashes next to me to,  curled up next to my belly, where she always used to sleep.  And she will be home.  

Blessings and comfort to you as you grieve your special boy.
Barney's Mom
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