This afternoon will be exactly 1 week since having to put my doggo down unexpectedly. She was 7 and already had moderate hip dysplasia; I had already come to terms with the fact that I was only going to have a handful of years left with her, but I wasnt ready for this. Traumatic sounds extreme when I say it out loud, but that's exactly what it was.
We went out to go potty, she saw I had grabbed my keys and gave me that look. As if I didnt love having her next to me with everything I did, I especially couldnt say no to her sweet face. As we returned home she didnt wait for me to help her out. How she landed when jumping out injured her spine. The yelp she made, the look in her eyes as I panic and get her back in the car as carefully as possible...after 2 hours of issues with my vet I went to another hospital where they told me that even with surgery her chances of regaining movement were slim at best....
Mama Pup was my best friend, my soulmate; I've never loved anyone or anything as much as I love her.
Mental health issues run deep in my family. I have depression that was diagnosed at 8 years old and severe anxiety disorder. More than once she's been my motivation to live and has helped me through countless panic attacks instead of having to take sedative meds. I honestly dont know how to go on from here. Im either crying, or I'm numb, and I feel so empty. I dont think I'll ever be ok from this...
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Traumatic does not sound extreme. The loss of a constant companion is traumatic, it's life altering and stings, bad. I also suffering from anxiety and ptsd, my boy was my everything. He was my purpose and focusing on his needs and care gave me a reason to move through the days. We stayed side by side for 13 years. Over the last year there were many moments I thought I was going to lose him and then he would pull through, until one month ago today he had a new sudden and severe symptom complicated by longterm chronic illnesses and I made the impossible decision to let him go. Like you I could have pursued risky diagnostics and possibly treatment, however being in an emergency state already and with an unknown prognosis, we have to make the choice that's best for them in the long run (be that hours days or weeks). My boy would have suffered and that was the only fact we can count on in the moment. You did right by your dog and will move through this guilt and grief day by day. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to not have your partner, your rock by your side. I think back and am grateful for the support my boy gave me, and now I honour that unconditional loyalty and love by sharing our story and trying to help others. Every day is hard, the first weeks are the worst. Just breathe and look back at photos and videos and remember every detail. Be strong. xx 
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I'm so sorry. I just lost my cat Spice to paralysis from heart failure. He was that same rock that got me through depression and anxiety. I picked him out and grew up with him. When I had no one in my life to talk to or understand me, he'd curl up and listen. He always knew when it was a bad day and would calm my panic attacks. He was better than any medicine I ever had. 9 years was way too short for him. I lost his brother just months ago. It hurts so badly losing my crutch that I'd normally use to get through grief like this. He was my rock and I was his when we lost his brother. I feel the emptiness so deeply, but just know... we're empty but we're all empty together. Words can't make it better but we can know we are not alone. And that pain is real and should never be minimized, especially for the animals that get us through our mental health battles. Sending hugs and tears alongside you
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