Merlysmum
It's been 22 days since my sweet little doggy angel was put to eternal rest. He was my whole life. Every day I am a bundle of nerves with constant anxiety attacks. I try to get through them without calming myself down with things like Ativan. I don't want to get hooked on something. I literally cannot sleep without drugs. The circles around my eyes make me look like a raccoon. I don't even care. I miss my life companion and I truly feel that I'll never be "normal" again. Merlin was a 15 year old shih-poo. He was so cute, I could never take him for a walk without being stopped by people who wanted to pet and admire him. He was as sweet and friendly as he was cute. We were together almost 24/7, especially after my mother died in 2011. I think there may be cases where people never do get over their loss and I think I may be one of them.
Joanne Brigden
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Butterfly149
I am going through the same thing. My beloved Ruby passed just 4 days ago and I am literally lost. I can not even talk to my family and friends about this, because I can’t get through one sentence with out crying. I started looking for a grief group and came upon this forum. I am finding comfort in knowing I am not alone in this. I too was thinking that I needed meds and Istill might. I have also found a support group in my area that I may try. Please know you are not alone
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Merlysmum
I am glad to know I'm not the only one who is more devastated by the loss of my dog more than the loss of any human I have ever known. I actually have a headache from crying so much. I'm probably dehydrated by the loss of tears. I wonder if I'll ever be able to sit down and remember Merlin without bursting into tears.
Joanne Brigden
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jimmy17
Hi Joanne, I am so very sorry for your loss of Merlin - and I know exactly how you feel as I was just the same when we lost our 17 year old dog almost 22 months ago. Firstly though, 22 days is no time at all to even think about being "normal" again - looking back to when I lost Jim I honestly think that the first few days and weeks you are in shock and it is only when this passes that the grief sets in - and only then can you start working your way through every stage.   Losing our little soul mates is one of the hardest things we have to go through, and at first it can seem as if we`ll never get through it, but it does slowly get a little better with time - although you won`t believe that right now.     Finding this forum was the best thing I ever did - it probably saved my sanity, so I`d say come here regularly - everyone here understands how you feel, and it really is like being part of a big caring family.  I also started writing a journal, putting down all my memories of Jim which also helped so much.  Once again I am so sorry, like Butterfly149 say`s, you are not alone. 

                                                                                      Hugs, Jackie.



J Taylor
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Merlysmum
Thanks, Jackie. You are certainly right about this being the hardest thing to go through. Jim is a terrific name for a dog and I know he must have been a real sweetheart. He looks a lot like Travis, a dog my sister had years ago.
It's hard to fill my days when they were all about Merlin. Even leaving the house has become a chore. Some days are better than others, of course. Today, I just decided to feel and face my grief and I'm finding it unbearable. It's been 52 days since I lost Mer. When I said 22, I forgot to count September. I'm feeling exhausted physically and mentally. I tell myself that I'll eventually be well enough to find another canine companion but part of me (most of me) doesn't believe it.
It's nice to feel I'm not alone but I hate to think that there are so many people out there who are suffering like this. It's a wretched "club" to belong to.
Joanne Brigden
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Ollies_Grieving_Mama
I don't know if it will help, but I've been relying on pharmaceutical aids to not randomly burst into tears (not great -- I work with kids, so super awkward to explain). I absolutely get where you are coming from. I am really sorry that you had to join the club too.
Ollie's Grieving Mama
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gizmomybaby
Am so sorry for the loss of your baby merlin x I to have grieved more for my baby boy gizmo than I have any human, the thing is they show complete unconditional love and always there when you need them and never let you down like most humans x my boy was my world hes away nearly 10 weeks and I cant come to terms with him not been here . I have anxiety its an awful thing . Theres lots of stuff on youtube for help with anxiety, I attend buddism classes its all about the mind and it helps its also on youtube, the thing is nothing to me can mend my broken hart . I stared drinking and taken tablets when my son first passed I think it has made it worse in delaying the grief . I'm still in shock ma boys not here so I understand tottaly . Your on the right place here the people are beautiful and comforting. Plz take care so sorry again for your loss , sending love and hugs Annemarie x
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Merlysmum
You and I are in the same boat. I can't seem to come to terms with Merlin not being here either. My anxiety gets so bad, I have to take tranquilizers. I hold on as long as possible but it's like I'm sitting on a jackhammer the tremors get so bad. I think it's fear from knowing I have to accept I won't see Merlin again for the rest of my life. It seems impossible, too cruel to be true. I have been meditating for the past few months but I find it very hard to empty my mind. When your heart is shattered, it's hard to think about anything else.
The people on here ARE very understanding and, as you said, beautiful. I'm sure Gizmo was a real sweetie-pie.
Joanne Brigden
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gizmomybaby
He was that merlysmum they are our true loves through thick & thin , yeh nothing is helping my broken hart now I know what a broken hart realy does feel like . Am thinking of you and hear to listen about your merlin . I take horrendous panick attacks theyr awful things and I think when you have bad nerves it hits you even worse plz have a wee look on youtube theres a thing I listen to called connecting To a loved one in spirit and I go there and be with my boy even if its my imagination I talk to him and sit with him its all I feel I have . Take care and sending hugs Annemarie
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dinkysmommy
Merlysmum,  as everyone else has said, I am so sorry you are going through this terrible gut wrenching loss.  We lost the love of our life, our baby boy Hastings, Wed morning, October 11 2017.  We literally do not know how to continue on with life.  We have no other children human or otherwise and our home feels so empty.  My mother keeps suggesting I go to the Dr and get some medication because I am so depressed but like you, I am trying to avoid such things.  My husband and I are thinking of ways we will improve ourselves/our lives as a way to honor the precious soul that is our Hastings.  We feel we need SOMETHING to help us get through this and doing something positive and healthy seems a good way to say, "Hastings, our dearest one, we do this good thing in memory of you".  I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound too odd.  We are just so lost.  Hastings was 18 1/2 when he died but we wanted him here with us forever.  We will see our precious child in Heaven some day.  I am praying for you to have peace and comfort, Merlysmum, and everyone here.  My heart goes out to you.  It really does.  Take care.
"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

~Fleur Conkling Heylinger~
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Bethbug64
I'm so sorry to hear about your sweet Merlin 😢 He sounded like a real sweetheart and cutie. I can relate to what your going through. I lost my 13 year old Little Kitty one month and 7 days ago. He was mauled by a dog. The grief and guilt was so horrific. I'm not a big drinker..I drink socially sometimes but for a full month I had to have an alcoholic beverage or 2 before going to sleep. Even nights when I didn't feel utterly devastated I still had a drink because I was just afraid where my mind would go without out. I pretty much stopped eating. Just picked here and there. Got to the point I felt so weak that I felt like I didn't have the strength to even stand. Dark circles under my hours. I know how you feel. The grief is crushing. Fall and Halloween are usually my favorite times to decorate . Go pumpkin picking with my grandkids.. All that but just not into any of it. The pain is subsiding a bit now and it feels good in a way but horrible in another. Like I don't deserve to feel better. Anyway my thoughts are with you. Take care.. Cindy 💙💙
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Camilla
I am the same way.  I lost three of my dogs within a month apart.  This was back in 2012 and to this day I still cry my eyeballs out.  I do have more dogs but it just isn't the same.  Those three dogs were my first dogs as an adult and they were my entire life.  So you are right.  You never get over it.  You just have to deal with it.  I feel your pain and I am very very sorry for you loss

Camilla Taylor
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