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Beckybug

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Reply with quote  #1 
Excuse any typos, I'm typing this through a haze of tears.

On Friday, we lost our beautiful 18 y.o Border Collie, Lady. Lady had kidney failure and I am pretty sure she had some sort of cancer towards the end. She had a stroke about a week before we put her to sleep. We got her when I was 5 and I am 24 this year, so she's been there most of my life.

I spent from the day I made the decsion until Thursday crying at the drop of a hat, Friday I was such a mess I couldn't go to work. I dehydrated myself so bad I ended up in hospital the next day.

The weekend I kept busy and wasn't too bad, but today all the guilt, moster feelings have come back and I'm a blubbering mess again.

This is me and my beautiful darling 2 years ago, I paid an absolute packet and had a professional photo shoot done because she had a small stroke back then and I thought she wasn't going to last long. Pfft two years later she was still hanging on.... just.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=1276847&l=7287b98a0f&id=659754504

What do I do???

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reovi

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Reply with quote  #2 
I just lost my big boy Polar three weeks ago, but I know how you feel because I got Daisy when I was 5 and she died when I was 21.  I was crushed, and cried for weeks.  But having had to go through this a few times now, there are a few things I have realized.  I was so so lucky to have Daisy that long, to grow up with my best friend, and to have a dog during the years where she would encourage me to be an animal lover for life.  Because of her, I have always had dogs, dogs that would ordinarily not have lived, and it was her influence that made me the person I am today.  I realize you are still grieving so much, but someday soon I hope you can see the immense positives through your tears!  I have never stopped missing Daisy or crying for her, but all the positive is hard to overlook at this point.  I wish you peace and remember-Lady is watching and would never want you to feel guilty for being such a good friend!
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Hendrix

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Reply with quote  #3 
You guys are lucky to have your furkids that long .. I only have mine for less than 3 yrs :(

Hugs to both of you !!!

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No one's gonna hurt you, no one's gonna dare
Others can desert you,
Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there!
Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while
But in time...

Nothing can harm you
Not while I'm around...

♥ I miss you so much, Hendrix ♥

Love you lots,
Mum
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Ali

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Reply with quote  #4 
Many comforts to you! I just lost my Cinnamon that I grew up with too. It's a blessing and a bit of a curse (the grief part). We got to go through life with our trusty furry family member. They teach us so much. We are loved and lucky to know them. Be as grateful as you can for the long time you had. Think of ways it added to your life and makes you stronger. Let yourself have a night alone here and there to just let it all out!!!! and to communicate with your little one through prayers (I find it best to find alone time so people aren't rushing to try t ostop your tears, or thinking you are crazy when communicating). Your picture shows how sweet your dog was!! She still is!!!
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Mackie

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Reply with quote  #5 
Beckybug,
 
There's nothing you can do except just go through it.  It's THE WORST, I know.  I lost my baby 7 weeks ago and I'm still trying to figure out how to be in this house without him at my side all the time.
 
Please do not feel guilty -- you did the right thing for Lady so she wouldn't suffer anymore.
 
Don't rush your grieving or go by anyone else's timetable -- you've got a ways to go in this process yet.  However long it takes is however long it takes.  The chatroom here is pretty busy at night (around 8:00 p.m., EST).  I've found it helpful to talk to others who are going through the same thing.
 
Peace to you,
Mackie
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damselfly1213

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Reply with quote  #6 

I just lost my little Lucy and can relate to your pain and grief. Your Lady was a family member and it's perfectly normal to grieve over her. It helped me today to sit out in the yard in one of Lucy's favorite spots and commune with her spirit, and I felt like I was getting a message back...that she loved life and lived it as fully as she could, and that I should, too. Grieve, yes, but give myself permission, bit by bit, to get on with my own life. I do think our furbabies continue to nurture us after they've passed from this life...they still have things to teach us, if we open our hearts. Blessings- 

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CarolS

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Reply with quote  #7 
I am so sorry to hear about Lady.  It's been two weeks since I lost my Misty and I'm still typing through a haze of tears. I know how you feel because my heart keeps breaking. I got Misty when she was just a kitten and she almost made 18 years.  I just can't stop thinking of her and wishing she was still here.  I would give anything to hold her in my arms again.

Carol
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shmoobear

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Reply with quote  #8 
Beckybug, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Lady. You not only were with her for such a long time, but basically your entire life. Your loss is enormous, and I wish you so much peace. I lost my 11 year old Husky, Dakota, suddenly 6 weeks ago. Like GentleGeorge said, it doesn't get easier for quite a while. I'm not sure it's actually "easier" now, 6 weeks later. Just this morning I was shedding tears, missing our usual morning routine. The raw, open wound does seem to close a tiny bit as the weeks go on. In the first 2 weeks I was openly sobbing almost every moment of the day. I think the only time I stopped was when my body was just too exhausted.

Your picture together is so precious....she looks like such a sweet, sweet, girl. I imagine she was such a great companion through all of those very important years of your life. You ask what you do now? Well, you grieve. She deserves that. Basically don't try to fight it, because it's going to come at some time. Let it out, and let yourself receive comfort from whatever you need to. I'm not on here as much as I was in the beginning....but those first weeks I was practically glued to my computer. Everyone on here is so special, and they all are feeling the way you do. I found that in my "regular" life, not everyone was sympathetic....and certainly now, 6 weeks later, they can't really understand why I'm not back to normal. Be open to signs from your sweet girl, because they will come to you.

Now I'm finding what gives me some measure of comfort is to remember the stages of Dakota's life. I can't really go through pictures, it's too hard for me. But I remember mentally all that stuff. How he loved playing with a basketball, how he used to jump in and out of well we had in the backyard....him in a car that we had a long, long, long time ago. It helps me remember that he had a beautiful life. I don't say "long life", because that doesn't help me. I wanted him to be here for at least 11 more years (and I was hoping somehow he would last my whole life with me). But I know that he had a beautiful life, surrounded by people that would give the world to him. He never knew a harsh word, a harsh hand. To him, the world was an amazing place full of love. My only solace really is that he left this world feeling the same way. By the way you speak of your lady, I can imagine she had the same type of life....feeling your love and companionship every minute.

At the end of the day, even the things that give me comfort don't stop me from missing him. I don't think that will ever go away. Even just as I was typing that line, my stomach turned and I thought "Dakota's gone?". Sometimes it's as if the shock hasn't worn off yet.

I wish you peace, understanding, and comfort tonight...
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MagzMom

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Reply with quote  #9 
Beckybug I am so sorry for your loss. My Maggie would have been 17 on the 16th of May. She has been gone 2 weeks and I know and well understand the bond you had with your sweet lady.  I know the grief you feel, and I couldn't hurt more right now it is a physical pain, an ache in the gut, and emptiness.  I walk into my house and pace around crying.  She was the one constant in  my life, always there to greet me and sit beside me, walking everywhere with me.  I know I was lucky to have her so long, but I ache to hold her and kiss her sweet face. 
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Mia870

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Reply with quote  #10 

So sorry to read about your loss. The grief is so strong I know, I wish I had words of comfort but I lost Mia, my best friend 10 days ago and I am still a mess. Just try and get through as best you can and be around people that are supportive of what you are going through. She looked like a beautiful girl and 18 years really is a precious gift. 


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Krista

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Reply with quote  #11 
Hi Beckybug,
No matter how long our babies are with us, it is never long enough. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could offer some helpful advice about coping, but my dog Clancey passed away just 3 weeks ago and it is still so incredibly hard. What has really helped me, especially in that first week, was coming to this forum. Reading other people's stories and hearing words of support was so comforting to me. I hope you can find comfort here as well.
Krista

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Pam42

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Reply with quote  #12 
Beckybug, I am so sorry.

((hugs)). 

What a beautiful picture.
Hang in there my love.
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Beckybug

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Reply with quote  #13 
Thanks everyone for your kind words, its been almost a week since Lady passed away.

The tears still come very easy. I was at work (I work in a call centre) and I heard a dog barking in the background of one call, the dog had a similar bark to Lady and I lost it totally, my team leader had to come finish the call for me.

The grief isn't being helped by being mucked around by the company I bought Lady's urn from. It arrived on Monday but theres a big chip in one side and I want to exchange it. Do you think I can get an answer from them. Its making things harder because I could have picked Lady's ashes up today if I had the urn.

I went over to Mum and Dad's place, they are in the middle of packing up to move and the house is so empty without her. Mum said they are glad they are moving, Mum said its too hard as there are a life time of Lady's memories there.

Last night was a clear night. Its rained everyday since Lady passed away. And I stood out side looking for the brightest star. When I found it I felt a nudge on the back of my leg, like Lady used to to when she wanted your attention. It was soo strange but I knew it was a sign from her that no matter where I go, she's there with me.

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nicokudo

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Reply with quote  #14 
Beckybug,

Talk to the place that has the ashes.  They should be in a small box.  Unless it's a personal preference, you shouldn't have to have an urn in order to pick them up.  Just as a heads up, the box will seem very small to you.  

Thinking of you.

Karen





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donnalee

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Reply with quote  #15 

Oh Beckybug, what a beautiful picture of both of you!  And I'm so glad you received a sign...the star and the nudge.  I have to admit that I've been watching for a sign myself!  As I read all the posts, I can't even imagine how all of you must feel since you have literally grown up with your dogs or had them for so many years.  I only had my sheltie, Scottie, for 5 years and losing him has been so terribly painful for me.  The wonderful people that you will meet at this website will help you get through this because they really understand and sympathize with what you are going through.  Really, we have no choice but to keep going on....There are days when I have to think of the words of a song that says to just.... Breathe in, Breathe out, put one foot in front of the other.   I know I try to keepmy focus of thanking God for the giving me the time I had with Scottie and focus on how he enriched my life. I also try to remember what a great life he had rather than how short his life was.  I think the hard thing for all of us is that we just miss our pet SO much!       

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