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I have a very difficult question and I would love to get some opinions. My heart is raw and my judgement may not be good. My gut is telling me one thing, but I'm not sure.
I lost my dearest and first furbaby who was less than 2 years old a few weeks ago.
One of my newer, almost 4 year old furbaby had gotten too excited and it ended up in his being put down because his injuries were so extensive. I found him in a very bad state. Still traumatized. I have been with you all here since that week, and I am still in so very much pain at his loss.
I had three of these babies. The little one was a terrier mix. A rescue at 4 mos. I have two rescue sibling greyhounds, almost 4. The two Greys were extremely great with the little guy. The newer one started to get too excited when they ran and tried to nip so I kept them separated. She had a bit of a prey drive that started to show as she became more active and settle in I see now. Her brother we had for 5 months longer and he is an old soul, and nothing jolts him.
This accident that one fateful morning resulted in my loss of my little prince. I now am dealing ( well I must add) with trust issues about her, on top of issues with myself from the guilt and loss ( not dealing well much at all quite yet). My teen daughter goes between loving her and cuddling on her and saying she wants a new small dog so she needs to go. She also is mad at her of course for what she did.
I have had long -but not pressuring- talks with her to see some other perspectives of why she could stay in our home.
For background, We had her located in another state and learned when she was retiring, thrn brought her way up to our state to be with her brother who was
Now with us but had been in a different state racing. They'd probably been separated early on. Now they are together. It was beautiful.
The whole reason we have her is I learned there were only two in the litter! Odd!?!!
I wanted to spare her from possible euthanization or worse. We had her brother, I could not stand the thought of her not having the same good life ahead of her possibly. ((Ironically however, I sacrificed the life of my little guy unknowingly:-(( which is just terrible.((( But the motivation still stands. They're together. And they get along.
Separating them would be very hard for me
Having her leave as we are bonding would be another loss as well. I am already a mess. My daughter doesn't see that it would be another menta blow, as superficial as it may look to allow her to go since she did something we weren't happy with, I'm trying to tell her there will be new fall out, emotionally.
The rescue place offered to take her that day at my panicked request from the hospital awaiting the fate of my damaged little boy!!!...but I just couldn't lose two in the same day. 24, 48, and more hours and days later and I still can't. I kept putting it off ...
Now She and her brother were brooding and haven't been as perky since that day. They know. He is gone.
Also They've both become even more affectionate with us-- all of which I've read are normal grieving for animals as well. They're feeling it too. My house feels empty. It's too quiet. Something not so nice shifted on our pack.
She is so so sweet and affectionate anyhow, sleeping with me everyday just as before but naps on me alllllll not some of the time now, and doesn't leave my side when we are awake and around. I look at her eyes, sad and pretty, and also I see how much she treats this as her home. You can tell she is comfortable, recuperating her fur and bad skin that the harsh, stark kennels did not serve her well...and it tears me up to think she would leave so in essence that we could just get another small dog too. (?!)
That basically is why she would go.
I think we could get past the trust and upset. I know it would be there but we still ice her.
That just isn't fair.
She is of no risk to people. She is not aggressive. That isnt a factor.
I can't blame her for the chase instinct. We just didn't know hers to be stronger than that what we saw when we tested the doggies out for a few hours at the first meeting. We tried!!!!
Though I do now know she can't be with small doggies unless she is highly highly supervised.
And with a muzzle at best and behind a fence if she couldn't even handle that. Again she was ok with my little guy when things were calm!
So..Can we live with that? Not an ideal family situation but then again I took her in so I feel that its my responsibility to grow and work with her to some extent. The same that I expect her to accommodate to us, if we all live as a family. I can't make her something she is not though.
I know and feel that She is not a monster.
However I would have to make sacrifices if she stays.
My daughter lost her first dog ever.
She can't replace him. A new dog would be a wonderful way to channel some of this excess love we are feeling and sharing right now.
But he will Never be replaced not forgotten.
Also NO rescue place would even let us adopt even if I took all precautions I realized -- certainly not once they heard the reason we lost our first guy, and that she is still with us. They'd be insane. That's a reason that my daughter says we need to Let our girl s go.
Then again I flip flop and think, if this were a baby would I ever leave her unattended and would she get hurt or would she hurt if I turned my back or left the house? Heck no! When I frame it that way it sounds doable. I need to be as attentive as I would a newborn and at all times. I slipped and it was my mistake.
I know the nature of these dogs we just appeared lucky when we did our best to test.
Then again is that fair to expect of a teenager that she could do that? All that I could commit to as an adult?
Doesnt that take the fun and freedom out of having a trusty companion though ?!
Can I live with all of this?
Can I also live with having her not being here and regretting it later?
I saw that The rescue has reposted her at my first request. We knew it would take a while, so it gives me time to think. Although it shocked me to see her back up!!! And each day it Eats at me and makes it harder to make up my mind. Now she is active yet again I feel the clock ticking.
It's also not just me--- its my daughter.
She is rational, but she is a kid too. I need to honor her feelings but also not get stampeded by them. I think she and I are having differences of mind although our hearts are with our girl.
I'm living on pure compassion these days. When not mourning I'm a bleeding heart.
Any advice or experience would be much much appreciated. Thank u!!!!
-Forever Calum's Mommy
Calum's Mommy Forever <3
What a hard decision to have to make. I can see how your mind must be swayed back and forth, to get a new small dog for your daughter would most probably mean giving up on the greyhound. Personally I don`t think I would risk bringing in another dog, but I also don`t think I could let the greyhound go.
I think you just have to go with what your head is telling you, not your heart, and wish you all the very best of luck in whatever you decide to do.
i agree with Jackie, you surely do have a hard decision and not knowing your daughter's age is even more difficult to advise. my daughter when she was younger just had to have a small dog (yup, the pomapoo pet taeter who she left here with mom when she moved out into the big wide world) and i was busy training roxie with a trainer to have her become my new service dog after goldie's premature death. now trust me, in all honesty i knew that the little girl would become "mine" but there was never the issue of roxie or tae not getting along and an aussie would simply try to herd not chase.
i know that racing greyhounds have horrible lives for the most part and to take in one retired greyhound is an act of love but you taking in brother and sister shows your heart is so open to the less fortunate of our four legged companions. my only thought here is a what if...and boy haven't we all had a whole bunch of those going through our heads and hearts lately? what if you bring a small dog home for your daughter after sending the female grey off to wherever and the brother left in your care and heart doesn't get along with the new small dog resulting in another situation such as you've already had? chances of that happening may be small but think of how the brother grey will be searching for his sibling and grieving her removal in his own way only to see apparently she was expendable so a new dog can enter the home. just a bit of devil's advocate there and i am one person who really hates the "what ifs". i can empathize how your daughter feels over the loss of your little prince and humans do tend to push away an offender who upsets the routine of the home (which unfortunately the sister grey did unintentionally...i mean these guys were bred, born and raised to chase and catch a little critter running and prey drive in the breed can be extremely high).
this decision for you has to be one of those double edged sword ones we have in life where we turn out darned if we do and darned if we don't. in the end i might try to discuss the breed's characteristics with your daughter (if she is old enough) and explain to her there is no way this gentle female would ever have hurt the little guy on purpose - it was a tragic accident. all i can leave you with is the fact that you are the mom and sometimes we make decisions that aren't in our own best interests but in the interests of those who have no voice. speaking from experience...if your daughter is anywhere near the tween or teen years you already are in those years where most of what we say and do is unpopular - that certain period of years where our children think we know nothing at all and they are all knowing. thank God the years go by quickly and don't last too long, lol. many many hugs sweetie, we are here for you!
CalumsMommy, My heart breaks for you and your family. Your loss is deep and the grief is overwhelming. I have to say, your greyhound loves you and you have given her a home and I feel this is a deep and connected responsibility. You say this dog shows no aggression towards humans, so that is great. I had a rescue that had a huge prey drive and killed a stray kitten right in front of me & I was devastated!! I talked to our vet & she discussed with me that it was his instinct and unlike a human, this behavior was not done with hate or malice, just instinct. We had brought him into our home and we loved him, so he was our responsibility and all he knew was our love and that he was safe with us. He was a fabulous boy and we lost him @ the young age of 6 about 15 months ago, after a big cancer surgery. I think this is a good, but extremely difficult, lesson for your daughter to understand, that we do not give up on animals, unless there is a danger involved to any human or the other animals in the household. It appears that this beautiful girl adores you and if you have to let her go, she may be damaged emotionally forever and her brother would have to go with her.
I wish you peace as you work through your grief and through this very personal and difficult decision.
((hugs)) Stella's mom
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