tjg123
On Saturday we had to say goodbye to our cat Shadow. He and his siblings were found in a bag along the side of a highway fourteen years ago and not long after he came to live with us. We bonded immediately and he made it pretty clear that out of everyone in the family I was his human.

He was a lovely mix of goodness knows what breeds; his constant vocalizations, giant paws, and love of fetch led us to believe he had a fair bit of Maine Coon in him. He loved going out in the backyard (supervised) to play in the snow or lay in the garden and always loved to cuddle up with family on the couch whenever he could.

The last year was really hard on him with his asthma getting worse, his weight causing grooming issues, and gastrointestinal issues. We did our best to keep him clean, brushed, medicated, and looking good but his quality of life was starting to decline pretty quickly.

I made the call this week and set the appointment for Saturday. I spent time with him and said goodbye leading up to the date and also on the day of the appointment. I've been so sick this weekend though, I came down with the flu shortly after making the appointment and I could barely even get out of bed let alone go with him to the vet on Saturday.

My brother and father took him and were with him at the end which I am so grateful for but I can't help feel so guilty. I should have been there for him... he was my baby boy and I let him down. I feel so utterly awful.


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AvySparkles
Dear tjg123,

I am really sorry to hear about your lost. It must have been such a difficult call to make. Shadow was a beautiful cat. I am pretty sure he knows how much you loved him and how much you wanted to be on his side. I know no words can help right now, but just know that you are not alone to face with it all. Do you have anyone to share your feelings with, beside the forum ? I am sending you tons of love and support. xox
Avy Sparkles
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Twocats2love
what a beautiful cat Shadow was!  I love the picture.  He looks like he had a lot of personality.  I am so very sorry for your loss.  I know you must feel awful, but keep in mind you gave him the best life and he was grateful for all the tummy rubs, snacks, brushing, medication, playtime, kisses, head rubs and everything else you gave him.  He knew your heart was there.
Sending you hugs.
Kitty lover
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Kittypiller
I am so sorry to hear about your fur baby, I lost my cat butters just before christmas and wasnt able to stay with her when she was put to sleep and i feel your pain. I am here any time you want to chat.

Hugs & prayers
Butters mom
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Lamont
I fled the vet's office, unable to face the last moments of my little Bertie. My wife held her when they put her down, while I walked home, sobbing uncontrollably. I hope that she (my cat) can forgive me for my abject cowardice. My shame and guilt are really making it difficult to come to terms with. I hope that she will forgive me in her own cat-like way.
Bertie's Daddy
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Eileennellie
Dont feel bad, Shadow knows how much you loved him and wouldn't want you to dwell on something like being too sick to accompany him to the vet. Animals don't see death the way we do. He was safe and loved and that is wonderful. And 14 is a long, long life. It doesn't feel like it to us, but I know Shadow appreciated it! Try to think of all the happiness you two shared, I have found that helps me a lot when I start going over all the things I could have done differently (better?), and I usually smile before I am done. Our pets want us to be happy, so I try for them.
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jeffreyburcham
Your Shadow is so beautiful. Believe that he knows you loved and cared for him as no other person could or would. I have lost two of my pups last year, about 7 months apart and the grief and sorrow and heartbreak are so overwhelming. One lost her battle to Mast Cell Tumors after a 2 year fight, the other one, my kid, I had to say goodbye to due to his getting into fights with one of my other boys over the past almost 8 years and the guilt of having him essentially killed is too much most of the time.

Your Shadow knows you were always with him, believe that, because it's true. And know that your Shadow will always be with you, because that is true. You gave him unconditional love and in return, he gave you the same. Nothing will ever change that. Know that your Shadow is now running in the Meadow, with my Sparkle and Molly kitties as well as my beloved Satin Marie and my Kid Apollo, along with all the other fur babies that have left all of us.

You are amongst friends and family here, always.

Jeffrey
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gizmomybaby
So sorry for the loss of your baby shadow 💔. You did a wonderful thing giving him a good life and rescuing him x I know you must be feeling so bad I wish I could make you feel better , maybe there was a wee reason you weren't to be there & am sure hes came right back home to you in spirit & will be looking after you , please know am thinking of you sending hugs Annemarie & candy x
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jeffreyburcham
Lamont wrote:
I fled the vet's office, unable to face the last moments of my little Bertie. My wife held her when they put her down, while I walked home, sobbing uncontrollably. I hope that she (my cat) can forgive me for my abject cowardice. My shame and guilt are really making it difficult to come to terms with. I hope that she will forgive me in her own cat-like way.


Lamont, Bertie has no need to forgive you, what you experienced is nothing to be ashamed of and she would never judge you like a human would. Your Bertie knew YOU were her human and she loved you, in her cat-like way, as all cats do. What you did was not an act of cowardice but a common human emotion. Over the years I have had to watch as my fur babies have slipped away, peacefully and quietly, and it is not an easy task to be present for.

You did nothing wrong and Bertie knows this. Bertie knows, still, how much you loved her. Your love was exactly what Bertie was looking for and you gave it to her unselfishly, no strings attached. You, and everyone else here, gave what so many others cannot or will not-love, care, compassion, understanding, warmth from your heart, all the things a cat (and dog) desires and needs. Bertie chose you and your family to be her humans. This was not by accident. Cats, to me, have a link to the spirit world, and as such, they know much more than we can ever imagine or comprehend. Bertie knew when it was her time to move onto the next realm. She also knew you were there at the end, regardless of what you think you did. There was and is no need for Bertie to ever have to forgive you. That is unconditional love and she knew you had that in you from the very first moment she found you, and throughout the rest of her days here she knew it. You are her dad, and you always will be.

I wish you peace and happy thoughts of your Bertie. I know these typed words will not make the pain go away but I hope they can at least help you some. You are here with new friends and family who know what it is like to lose a four-legged family member. There is no shame here.

Jeffrey
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