There are just so many things that remind me of my cockapoo dog, Bracken. And there are so many times I am doing something, or about to do something, that I think of him. He was such an integral part of our lives. Working from home, I was with him constantly and all throughout the day we would cuddle, or I would talk to him or take him for a walk or just get up from my computer to go see where he was and pet him and kiss him. I don't think more than 30 minutes ever went by during any day that I didn't touch Bracken and interact with him. Now, a piece of me is literally gone.

The first two weeks I couldn't stop crying . . . sobbing, really. The loss was so intense. I didn't leave the house or do much of anything. I was literally walking around in a fog. Much of that has subsided, and I thought I was over the worst of it. But now, though different, the grief is just as bad. Now that I'm functioning a little more and doing things like going grocery shopping or running errands and just going about daily life, his absence is even more apparent and more painful, because he was a part of all that.

Perhaps the worst feeling is driving back home from somewhere . . . in the past, as I got closer to home I would always brighten when I remembered Bracken was there waiting. I would always think, or say out loud, "Oh, good, I'm going to see my Bracken!" It was such an uplifting feeling because there was never a place I'd rather have been than home with Bracken. And when I got there, just before pulling into the driveway I would turn to look at the front door and there was Bracken . . . always looking out the window for me.

I'm still doing that. Driving home and thinking I'll see Bracken, then turning to look for him at the front door, but he's not there. I miss him so very, very much.
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HI DIane, 

I know exactly what you're going through, my cockapoo suddenly passed away a week ago last Wednesday and our family's life has been turned upside down. I understand everything you're going through because I'm feeling the same. I've noticed day by day, we get signs and it's getting better. We both will feel this for the rest of our lives but what brings us happiness, eventually will bring us sadness. 

If you ever want to chat, let me know, I miss my boy so much. 
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Thank you for sharing your feelings about losing Bracken. I have difficulty writing about losing Joey. It brings me so much comfort when you write about exactly the same feelings I have. This posting was especially poignant. Thank you.
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I know how you feel.  I miss my Cockapoo Pecan so much and it’s been almost 12 weeks.  As you know her death was sudden as well.  I’m still searching for answers.  I too rush home sometimes thinking I should taker out to pee.  I miss her so much.  Some days are easier but some days are really hard.  Yesterday I cried Attia physio appointment, at the bookstore l, when I was talking to a friend.  I still can’t believe she’s gone.  I miss her so much and the guilt of not knowing what happened is killing me. Hopefully someday we can all find joy in our lives and be happy again.  That’s what our beautiful Cockapoos want us to do.  Grief is a marathon and we all go through it differently.  I’m praying for both of you and sending you love and light.  I’m here if you need to chat more. 
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