I just had my sweet rottie, Jade put down yesterday. At home. She was 14yrs old. She had been sick with a nasty UTI for almost 2 months that was resistant to any drug we tried...we werent winning that battle...also, she had taken a tumble outside and fell almost 2 weeks ago....banged herself up pretty good...she already had arthritis so Im sure she was hurting. She chose not to walk around much and 2 days after falling lost any muscle she had left in her hind end. She could not walk without assistance. We had to pull her around on a dog bed from room to room, and also, down a ramp to get her outside. She could only walk a few steps with help from us and a harness  in order to potty. She was a strong girl and always adapted to whatever situation befell her. She adpated to all of this illness and lameness and was still a happy dog. She ate good...drank good...still begged for food...she was still playful...she rested well...and did not appear to be in pain or ill at all. But according to the vet...she was very ill...and was in danger of contracting septicimia. Her lameness was also a concern. The vet said that for a dog not to be able to walk out to potty is a huge blow to their quality of life...and because of her limited mobility...even if we were able to get her over this UTI...she is an easy target for more...many more. We had one option left to fight the UTI which would have meant hospital stay and heavy drugs that could possibly kill her. I couldnt do that. So, it seems PTS was the logical next step...but she SEEMED so ok!!! Her last day...yesterday...I got home early from work, she ate 2 cups of food....alot for her...Im thinking..if shes SO sick...why would she have that much of an appetite? She drank some water, then laid down for a nap...she looked so peaceful. Full nearby, resting. We had gotten her a chesseburger from Mcdonalds and gave to her about 20 min before the vet arrived. She was very excited...eyes wide and ears perked...barking in excitement. We laughed and loved on her. The vet came with an assistant. Jade gets excited when new ppl come over...she was excite and panting with all the commotion...they were trying to attach the catheter and couldnt get a good vein. Vet said due to her lack of circulation? The whole time they were working on that, I was laying next to her and comforting her..she kept lookint at me and her eyes...her eyes were SO wide and she looked scared and freaked out. After the cath was in....they gave her a sedative to calm her...she stopped panting, but instead, her head bobbed back and fourth like she was drunk...her eyes still wide and scared. This really bothered me very much....I wanted her to knock her completely out, asleep...but still breathing...THEN give the lethal dose. But she didnt do it like that. I found myself wanting her to just hurry and do it so she could stop looking so freaked.....once the 2nd shot was admin....I clsed my eyes, held her close and spoke to her...felt her head lower softly and then the vet said, "shes gone". It was then that I lost it. I opened my eyes and she looked very peaceful...that relieved me..But..The look in her eyes was what killed me. And still does. Its almost like she was confused thinking....why is this happeining? She did not seem like she wanted to go. She was in dire straits but her spirit was SO strong. She HATED to show weakness....and just hours before passing...she showed her daddy how strong she was by standing in an upright position longer than she had in awhile. I felt and feel terrible...but I know it had to be....I just wish I could feel better about how it went down...I wish I knew for sure that she understood and was not scared. Her eyes still haunt me. :(
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I just had to reply to your post to help you in your grief of what happened when you had to say goodbye to Jade.  I too had to put down my sweet pug Sicily 7 weeks ago and I completely understand what you are going through. 

My Sis was diagnosed with bladder cancer about 6 months ago and struggled with infections and blood in her urine that would not clear up with antibiotics. I think I actually even convinced myself that she didn't really have cancer because she really didn't act sick most of the time. 

But, the last week of her life she went downhill so fast it that I didn't even relate it to her bladder until the last day.  She was struggling with breathing and it was labored and fast and she did not want to eat a bite and barely moved.  The vet was testing for everything because she wasn't showing bladder symptoms.  And we tried all kinds of things and nothing was working.

What we finally found was thousands and thousands of multiplying cancer cells in her urine and a severely enlarged bladder and spots on her lungs.  The Dr. convinced me it was definitely a tumor that had grown over the last six months and possibly had spread to her lungs.  I was devastated.  I wish I had gotten an ultrasound to confirm as that is what haunts me and overwhelms me with guilt but I just try to trust him when he tells me that she was suffering and it WAS cancer and that she was not going to get better. 

That day he came to help her pass she was given a sedative as well before the final injection.  She too did the little back and forth head thing and her eyes looked a little scared.  BUT...and here is what I wanted to share with you.  I asked the Dr. why she was doing that because it was freaking me out to think she was afraid and he said it was because the sedative makes them extremely loopy and a little confused because they start to lose focus of their surroundings.  But, he said she could hear me and feel me so I just kept talking to her and stroking her face and telling her I loved her.  She then just laid down and was given the injection and was gone.  It was very peaceful and I try to remind myself of that every day. 

So all that said, I believe Jade knew you were there and could feel your presence.  Please try and find comfort knowing that, and that she is now at peace and you will see her again someday. 

Praying for you...

Stephanie (Sicily's Mom)

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I just went through this Monday with my Buster and I can tell you that watching Buster slip away once he was given the shot will haunt me for the rest of my life. My baby's pain was over but mine just began. I knew I wasn't prepared but putting my baby down is killing me inside.

I hope we find peace somehow!! I know I need to find a way to deal with it.

Buster's daddy
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Dear sweet Jade.
She was fighting to stay alive, but it was a losing battle, and you knew it. She didn't know that. She was willing to keep on fighting to the last second.
That's what they are like. Bless them. They don't know when they are beat.

You set her free. 

She passed through to the spirit world...Heaven....whatever it is called, it is very real. Now she has no more physical pain. You did that service for her, when her body failed her.

My Misty didn't want to go either. Even when she was obviously already at death's door. She stared at me, and her eyes seemed to say,
"I won't sleep, I won't stop looking at you, even though I'm weary and something won't let my body work properly any more....all I want is to feel better....for this to go away and us to carry on like we always do...If I lie here still and quiet, that might happen....but I don't want to close my eyes and lose sight of you..."

And I said "Do you want to go now? Or do you want to wait and see what will happen?"
And I swear I heard her say "Let's wait and see." But as the next hour passed and she got worse, I knew I would have to call the vet out.
I gently stroked her head, and whispered "Don't be scared."
"I'm not scared. I just want this to go away." (I am sure she 'said'.)
So I made it go away. 

You did the same thing for your sweet girl Jade.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer

Misty's life after death:
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What Mistysmama wrote is perfect and beautiful.
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Thank u all so much for your very touching stories. I can't tell you how much it helps. Jade would have waited until the last minute. I don't think either of us wanted to part ways. She had a nagging phlemy cough that now that I think about it, when the vet came to PTS, she was wheezing. When she was breathing. The vet had said that was just one more thing to be concerned about for her. Jades last few nights were a little tough cause she would keep trying to cough up whatever was in her. She was becoming more uncomfortable...slowly, but it was coming. I miss her so much. I have tons of video clips of her on my phone that make me smile, but then make me sad too cause shes just...gone. :(
Gone physically but always in my heart. I just love her and am so happy and grateful for all those wonderful years. She was the best dog. Love her..
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