Hey my name is Luke. My golden retriever lab mix Darcy got sick and I had to make the toughest decision of my life. She was my best friend and was loved very much. She had been with me over 13 years. I adopted her at the age of 8 moths old. She was going to be a family pet. But her owners couldn’t handle the energy of a lab puppy. She was kept outside and only came inside to sleep. The owners neighbors were my friends and had her brother. The set me and Darcy up and we instantly bonded. I had all the love that she deserved but never got. We always loved our years together. Jump forward over 13 years. She was old and had pains but acted fine Friday. Come Saturday afternoon she was very lethargic and was not acting anything like herself. Same Sunday and Monday morning. Well I called her vet and knew it’d be almost impossible to make an appointment to be seen Monday. So we set up for me to drop her off and leave her that afternoon. When the vet techs came to get her out of the car she gave me a look like if you don’t come then I’m not going. With in seconds I feel apart. The Doctor called that afternoon telling me she had bad news. Darcy has a cancer spot bleeding. ( the loss of blood is where the pain came from) My first response was ok what are the options? What’s our next step. And was told at her age we don’t have options. Our next step is to do what needs to be done before it gets worse. I’ve always told myself I’d never euthanize Darcy. But after two days of seeing her pain and knowing it’d get worse changed my views. I’ve always said if Darcy wakes up with a smile that it a sign. She hadn’t woke up with a smile in days. Well we woke up Tuesday and she was in pain but had good spirits. I went by and got us breakfast sandwiches. I feed her all day which she hadn’t ate since Saturday morning. I spent all morning thinking this out. I knew with her being in good spirits that this was the right day. The vet could do her job at my house and would come at the end of the day. This gave us the day to enjoy each other and say goodbyes. The procedure was givin in the best way I could dream of and for what it was we can be at peice how the day was. 
I’ve spent days crying and sometimes will go to sleep crying than wake up crying. I know there is no thing I can do to get over this right away but help me to greave. 
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Darcy most certainly knew she had your love, just as you knew, you had hers. I am at the beginning of this process. My Lucy is dying of cancer, and I am already a mess. Even though I have been crying night and day for about a week, I know that I haven’t begun to grieve. Lucy is beside me right now, and she’s having a difficult night. She’s in a good deal of pain and panting constantly. She and I both do better in the daytime, when we’re busy doing fun stuff. This will not last, and I know it.

I only hope that I can know when she’s ready to leave me. The thought of her suffering one day longer than she needs to, breaks my heart.

I wish you speedy healing, Luke. I understand what you feel.

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Hi Luke,
I understand what you are going through, having put my own 12 year old boy Tequila to sleep a month ago. 
Putting my baby to sleep was the worst day of my life and the toughest decision I've ever made, but at the end of the day you and I made the right choice by not allowing their pain to get worse. Darcy spent her last days with you, comforted by your presence and knowing that she wasn't alone when her time came. 
To deal with my grief I set up an altar for my dog, with flowers, pictures and paintings of him, and my family and I keep him alive in our memories by talking about him every day. I would recommend something similar for you, it does help you cope and make you feel like our fur babies aren't really gone after all. 
Remember that the grief you are feeling now is only temporary, and one day you'll be able to remember your time with Darcy with pure joy and gratitude. 
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So sorry for your loss of Darcy.  lost my girl, Monroe, last month and I miss her so. The nights and mornings were so bad in the beginning, but the anguish is starting to subside. I know that I will always miss her, but that the good memories will be at the forefront more and more as each day passes. Take care. This forum is great for talking about our babies.
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Luke, I wish I could have said goodbye to Max inside of his home. Having to go to his vet to say goodbye felt so cold, it reinforced my feelings of abandoning him. I wish he was in his bed, in his home, in his favorite spot . I guess we don’t always get to plan these things, it’s just something else that I have grief over with Maxs passing. . 
Laraine Esposito 
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Luke, Im crying while im reading your message cause i feeling exactly how you feel. Ive lost my baby boy for almost 2 weeks now, and he also with us for 13 years. I know my words  its not enough to make you feel better , but your are not alone. A lot of people in this forum cares because of the same feelings we share. Its been almost 2 weeks now that my Looper is gone but i still cry every single day and wake up every single night missing him. I know its really hard, but take care of you.
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My days are somewhat getting better. I retuned to work today. God bless my bosses for giving time off work. But I picked up her ashes and collar today. So that was hard. I find that writing thought, memories and poems help. Funny I’ve never been a writer or thought about a journal. But I am writing everything down. This website has helped, showing I’m not alone and a lot of people fill this same way me. I had a great blessing that she left this world as perfect as I could imagine. For what it was. 
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So glad you found this website Luke ... it has been helpful for me and I've felt much kindness from many. Another member here, Julie, uses a quote by Franchesca Cox ..."Grief only exists where love lived first" ... and it is clear from your writing that you both were blessed with the unconditional love of each other. You are not alone ... there are many of us out here that feel the same way. Be kind to yourself ... listen to your heart.

Michelle Kinkaid
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I am so sorry for your loss. It has been a month since my Fancy passed and coming here as helped. Darcy knew you loved her . It does get better in time. Some days are better than others, She will always be with you and I believe that one day we will see them again. 
In my prayers
alan farlowe
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I understand the pain of having to let a fur kid go. It felt like my guts had been twisted and Sometimes the oddest things made me cry. All I can say is there is no timeline for grief. Any emotions you feel are okay as long as you do not want to hurt yourself or others. I find remembering a pet in some way can help the pain.

I am so sorry for your loss.
Mija, Chihuahua: 2004-2019
16 years
London, Golden Retriever: 2005-2020
15 years

Mom to Misty, Sango, Tami, Abby, Kawaii and Pepita the Chihuahua

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Hi Luke, I’m so sorry you had to let go of Darcy.  I had a 13 year old chocolate lab who just like Darcy was fine one day and the next day wouldn’t eat and lethargic.  The vet told us she had advanced cancer and nothing they could do to save her/ the worse thing you can hear about your best friend .  I always wanted her to go on her own and here I was having to decide on the spot to let her go.  The vet told me that she was suffering which broke my heart and I knew it was time.  I cried and didn’t care what vet or anybody else thought.  It’s been 2 months and I cried just reading about Darcy.  I wish they could live as long as people.  The only thing that helped me is knowing that others like you can relate and I’m not alone.  As far as the sadness and pain, for me it is there and I miss my baby girl every day.  
M Moore
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