Stasia
I seriously screwed up bad.

I was so upset when I filled out the form for Hudson's euthanasia that I checked off the wrong box and now I won't be getting her ashes. She was cremated with other animals and her ashes will be spread at a pet cemetery.

I am devastated. Absolutely devastated.

The crematorium emailed me to let me know that her ashes hadn't been spread yet and I asked if I could have some sent to me but they said they cannot "give away" communal ashes. I offered to pay any amount but they said no.

Has anyone else had an experience like this? Was there any way you were able to try to get them to agree to give you some ashes?

I know I should just accept this but I just can't. I just can't. It feels so wrong not have her ashes here with me. I am beating myself up over this. I was so stupid. The correct box to check was right below the one I checked. Why didn't I see it?????

I am not above calling and crying and begging. Maybe that is what I'll do. 

Just wondering if this has happened to anyone else or I am the only dumb one.
Stasia
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Memories_of_Marmalade
Dear Stasia,

I am so sorry to hear of what you are going through. Mistakes happen as we all know, but they especially can occur when someone is under great duress, including while suffering through possible caregiver fatigue. It's totally understandable. Unfortunately the grieving process can make mistakes even worse as we endlessly second guess ourselves and can beat ourselves up. Almost as if paying a penance.

One night I was walking alone through town after my cat Marmalade had been put down. I did have him cremated and had his ashes at the place where we resided. I was very heartbroken and came upon a walled in pet cemetary I was unfamiliar with. But I could see the property through the main gate. It was dark out, but the cemetary was all aglow with many different kinds of lights that pet parents had placed throughout. I could also make out flowers, toys and ballons etc. that had been placed. It was beautiful, serene, peaceful and very, very enchanting. Almost mystical in some ways. I was very surprised at how moved I was by these sights. And at the feeling I sensed from the property.

As I walked the length of the exterior of the property that night, I could see a Mom cat who was watching over her kittens playing. So evidently there were some stray cats in the area that were allowed to live on or near the property, which did my heart good.  : )

My point is pet cemetary's can be enchanting & quite beautiful. And a fitting resting place for our pets. Including for our beloved's ashes to be spread there. As there is great love at these places. And solace. So please be gentle and forgiving with yourself. You can visit where the ashes of your beloved are spread when you like, and it will still be honoring your beloved. Perhaps you can still attend the ceremony?

My thoughts and prayers are with you...

Kind regards,
James
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chilover
Stasia.

I am so deeply sorry for what you have had to endure & I offer my condolences. I have not experienced this myself but I wanted to reach out & offer you some support. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling about the ashes, however please know that considering what you were & are going through right now it is a very easy mistake to make..During times like this the world can be overwhelmingly confusing & dealing with loosing our beloved pets is difficult enough to comprehend so please dont be hard on yourself.

I was fortunate that my vet filled out mine for me. On my 'Daisy's' last trip to the vets when she was given euthanasia I had her in my arms when the paperwork took place. Had my vet not have filled out mine for me I could have ticked the wrong box too. 

I wish I knew what to say..
Please keep posting on her as it will help, it has helped so many of us. We all support you and there are so many compassionate people on here. 

You & Hudson are in my prayers.

Sending you comfort & peace.

Daisy's mummy 
Angelina 
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Michelemh
Stasia - So sorry to you. That is something anyone could do in a situation like that.  I like to think that their spirit is around us at all times. We no longer have their bodies but their spirit leaves their body.

Michele
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Mistysmama
Stasia, I am so sorry about what happened with Hudson's ashes. You were so deeply shocked and upset that day.

But I do know we haven't much to cling to when they seem no longer with us at all. The ashes, the graves, mean so much to us. So the last thing I mean to do is invalidate the concern you are feeling right now for the remains of Hudson's sweet body.

But please try to forgive yourself for that mistake. I just do sense Hudson would.

They are in a loving place. I don 't just say that -I was shown that by my Misty dog after her passing. The width of love and happiness that came from her Soul was incredibly free and beautiful. She showed me something so deeply mystical ; that she was certainly not in the grave, as dust, old bones, or dead bits and pieces, but a living, loving Soul....just no longer on this earth.


I love what James said -about what he saw at the pet cemetary. It sounded so beautiful. His description painted a wonderful and peaceful image of warm lights, joyous tributes, peace, and a home for a mama cat and her little ones. How lovely.

I loved my dear mother, "Mama". I loved her all my life. When it came to her passing, I think I was a bit numb. They suggested scattering her ashes on the Rose Garden at the crematorium, and I agreed, as did my brother.
I never saw those ashes. I had to travel hundreds of miles to her funeral, and wasn't even really a part of it all. Yet to me at the time, it didn't seem to matter too badly, as what I knew of her wasn't in her ashes anyway.

I have sensed my mother a number of times since her passing in 2009. With love, with humour, always with "herself". No she isn't lying in the dust. She's a lovely Soul living in Spirit and still keeping an eye on me from time to time.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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Polydactylmama
Stasia

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. They ask you so many questions and expect a lot out of us when we are just struggling to process a profound loss. 

If you have some of her hairs around (the drift piles that once seemed a bother but now I pick up and imagine how soft my lost guy was), I know some of the places that do glass work with cremains will use hair instead. It is not a real replacement for what has happened to you but a way to recapture some of what physical remains you have of your sweet girl for something to hold on to in a ceremonial way.

holding you in the light.
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