Ali83x

Hi. 


I feel so silly being here. I’ve never really experienced loss, I’m 37 with all grandparents alive so I just have never really been exposed to it to develop coping mechanisms etc. 


Two days ago, my pup who was nearly 10 started vomiting blood. It was very sudden, he was fine the day before (chasing rabbits in fact). It was a weekend so the vets were shut. I left it a few hours and he actually started to improve until the evening when he started struggling with breath and clots of blood were coming out of his mouth. We took him to the emergency vets and because of covid they made us stay outside. They weren’t exactly quick - Alfie was in my partners arms and I gave him a kiss and cuddle and he just kind of went floppy, like the life just went out of him and about 10,000 litres of blood came out of his mouth, nose etc. They rushed him in but said something had hemmoraged and they could try and help him but it would be more humane to put him to sleep because his lungs were full of blood. 

There was blood all over us, the floor etc. It was such a traumatic last moment together that all I can see is all the blood all over the place. I can cope with missing him. What I’m struggling with is seeing him all covered in blood and floppy. It’s unbearable. I can’t sleep at night and now I keep checking my other dog is breathing all night long. 

To say I’m not dealing with it well is an understatement. 

I keep thinking about if it was my fault. He ate a chicken bone last week out the bin (he’s done it a billion times when he can get hold of anything) and I started thinking was it that, should I have taken him straight to the vet then, should I have taken him as soon as I saw the blood in his sick, could he have been saved etc. 

My partner didn’t really like the dog but even so he is upset. But I don’t think he really understands how I feel. I bought Alfie when I was battling depression and he saved me really. We’ve been through so much together - my partner has only been around for 40% of that. He won’t walk where we usually go because it makes him sad, won’t look at pics of him etc. where as I do to try and get that last image out of my mind. 

I don’t know how to go from here. I just want to cry in bed all day

 

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Runningman66
So sad for your loss.We are all with you as that’s what this forum is for so we can support each other at times of grief.I can offer you no words of advice as I’m going through the loss of my dog and still not coping well but you must not dwell on the if’s,but’s + why’s as that will only put you in a spiral of guilt like it has with me.You did your very best as we all do and if we could all go back in time I’m sure we all would do things differently and cry as much as you want and try to think of the happy memories he gave you + not his last moments.Sending love.
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Ali83x
Thank you so much. Sorry for your loss too. I guess time is the biggest healer and eventually I’ll have the good memories and those last ones will fade. Fingers crossed
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Keep_swimming1
My heart goes out to you and you are in my prayers. My dog died a little less than two weeks ago and I can get through the day without crying a lot now.  It will take time and it hurts, really hurts.  You are allowed to feel that pain and little by little all of us who have lost a pet will survive this.  Your pain is a testament to the love you shared and in time, hopefully for all of us, the happy times will begin to replace the saddess.  Know that I am thinking of you and that you will come through this time.  Love and prayers.
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