Hello, I'm Hayley, from South Wales.

On Jan 26th 2015, my budgie died, it has cut me up badly, still does now, I was out with my mum and her friend, we came home and found Gerogia at the bottom of the cage, she was still warm, I tried to revive her, but she died in my hands. I showed my parrot her body as a fried suggested it and he moved to the cage and made a kiss sound as if he was saying goodbye, I just feel so depressed over it, I think maybe if I stayed home, I could've done something, she was special, she'd drive me crazy along with my parrot. We rescued a cockatiel, but the light in my heart is off, empty, has been for a year and few months. I don't want to forget about her, I just want to forgive myself and stop beating myself up. I miss her ever so much, I have a jumper that remains unwashed as it has her scent on, ok I am starting to sound as if I'm a little crazy.

I even have a scarf unwashed as on 22nd August 2014, I had a German Shepard die in my arms, I cradled her until mum came home, I just didn't want Carrie to think she was alone. I must be so unlucky.

How do you cope with these feelings, feelings of I could've done some more? I should've been there? What would've happened if I was there and tried to do things differently? I just sometimes feel empty lot Emmy because I allowed this to happen, I blame myself, and just beat myself up over it all?

Please help me. Sorry if this is long, and riddled with errors, it's nearly 11PM here.
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you do not sound crazy at all.  Just in grief like all of us here.  I am so sorry you are hurting but you are not alone. There are no magic words to make it all go away, just know that you found the right place with many people who do care about your loss.  Stay close here and say whatever you are feeling.  Someone else will be feeling the very same way.

It has been almost 4 months for me since my Molly left me and I am still grieving badly.  She was my everything, my heart and soul. 

If you had been standing right beside your little one you wouldn't have been able to help.  Sometimes it is just their time and nothing you do would have made a difference.

Take care and know that others are thinking of you.
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Haley. I am so sorry for your loss. The grief can be unbearable. Take it one day at a time.Talk often on this site. Everyone is wonderful . You are not alone. We all wonder if we should of done more. Done something different . We all did the best we could. We will help each other get through these tough times. I wish you peace. Sending hugs.
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I am so sorry for your loss! Blaming ourselves and thinking about all the "should haves" are a part of grieving your lost friend.  When my dog, Bailey died in November I kept going over and over things that I should have done but hindsight as they say is "20-20" and we can only go with what we know at the time. When you went out with your mum you knew you were leaving her in the safe, happy environment you had placed her in. I personally believe that some animals "go" when they know its time and when their guardians are out so as to spare their human friends from seeing them pass on.  I have two friends whose cats died while they were out and one friend was only out for a short while and was devastated (as you were) to find her cat had passed so quickly and without her being there. We'll never know for sure but try and remember how much love you gave her and how happy you made her while she was here. In the end that means everything.
Thinking of you and wishing you peace.
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Hayley, so sorry for your losses - and no, you do not sound crazy at all. We all wonder if we could have done anything different, but in reality there is not much any of us could have done. We just wish so  much that our little friends were still here with us, and doing things like keeping jumpers and scarves is comforting to us.    We lost out 17 year old dog Jim almost 14 weeks ago. I still have his blanket on our bed and his toys in the hall. 
 Come on this site often, it is so helpful and we are all going through the same loss. 
                         Hugs, Jackie.
J Taylor
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Dear Hayley,

Don't worry you are not going crazy but you are having those awful thoughts and feelings that happen after loosing your treasured pet, whatever that pet may be.
You really must try to stop beating yourself with that big stick. You couldn't possibly have predicted what would happen when you were out. Think about it Hayley,  even if you stayed in the house all day every day the same thing might have happened while you were in the bathroom or while you were asleep or while you were doing whatever. You could not possibly be with Georgia every minute of every day and even if you could how do you know you could have revived her. The answer is you don't so please, please try to change your thinking and tell yourself you did nothing wrong AT ALL. 

Thinking about you.

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My prayers for these lovely creatures. Our beloved pets are so innocent and vulnerable, so it's normal for us caring people to feel hurt when our pets get ill or pass. Read the Bible scriptures on this website, they are very inspirational and calming.

We all know what you are going through. I get hit with the same feelings of guilt that you're feeling. We take such good care of our pets yet they still go through things that are difficult for us caring people to cope with. It's so important for us to rely on faith and God's love. Feel welcome to contact fellow members of this website whenever you need to or want to. Many smiles and many cheers.
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Hayley, I'm so sorry for your loss and your grief. You wouldn't have been able to have done anything sweetheart and if we all had a crystal ball then life would be very different. It is only natural to beat ourselves up because we are so sad because we love our babies so much and dwell on what we wish we had done differently, I still do too. Nothing can comfort us in this time and it is monster grief that churns us up inside so please just know that this is what we unfortunately have to bear and we are not crazy but distraught and missing our beautiful sweet babies. You are not alone, we all on here are going through the same pain and sharing it does help. Big hugs and love to you Hayley. X
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