JanV
I came here last night because my baby girl Mati left this world yesterday and it was so heartfelt to read all of your posts and share in your grief. The tears just poured out of me.

12 years ago I lost my husband in a car accident. We had no children and in the depths of my grief I wondered what I would do with all of the love I still had in my heart. My answer came when I found Mati and Brewser. They took my grief and gave me a reason to live and love again. It was the first time in my adult life to have dogs in my family and they both had my heart at "hello". What is it about animals that make them so pure? I believe it's because when you look into their devoted eyes you can see and feel their souls. The love that comes from these beautiful creatures can fill you up but it is so hard to let them go. My baby girl restored my faith in love and got me through the darkest days of my life and now I feel that same depth of grief once again. Yes, it feels just as painful as when I lost my husband and it may be even deeper because I owe so much too her for what she's given me all these years.

Mati was diagnosed with diabetes three years ago. She was so sick but as soon as we regulated her with insulin she was back to her feisty self again. Three weeks ago something changed and her health took a bad turn. She was petrified of the vet but we have lived there for the last three weeks. They think she had cancer and wanted to put her through surgery because they could not get a good biopsy. I had to go with my gut and refuse because I was certain that I didn't want her to suffer through surgery or chemo. Yesterday was really bad and when I rushed her to the vet they told me she was in bad shape and had to be hospitalized. They were tender and honest and I made the decision to let her go. She got to leave this world being held in my arms and up against my broken heart. I swear that when they gave her the injection I wished it was me.

So here I am again, back in that place of darkness. I know the pain will be replaced with all the wonderful memories I have with her. My God she was so special in so many ways and I'm grateful that I have so many pictures and videos of her.

Thank you for listening. It's good to write this and I do so to honor Mati and the life we shared together. Our souls are connected and just as she came into my life so many years ago I am certain to be with her again in heaven.

Blessings and heartfelt sympathy to all of you going through this pain.

Jan
Mati's Mama Forever
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Apollo_the_great
I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you gave Mati a wonderful life. It's been 9 months since I lost my boy. It is still heart breaking to even think about. I hope that you start to feel better just knowing what a great life you gave her.
William
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MyBella
Hi Jan, 

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your precious Mati, what a wonderful little girl to have helped you after your husband passed.

I so agree with what you said about how looking into their eyes is like seeing right into and feeling their souls, what wonderful companions and life partners they are.
You did Mati the last loving thing you could do for her, you didn't let her suffer, I truly admire people like you who have to make that gut wrenching decision...but you did Mati the honor of living a beautiful life with you...and she will always love you for providing her with such a wonderful home and showering her with your love..such a beautiful thing.

I hope in time, you are able to use your fond memories of Mati to help mend your broken heart, take your time Jan, there is no time limit to grieving, be gentle on yourself.

Sending positive healing thoughts your way.

Sincerely, Don & Vera

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JanV
Thank you for your kind words,Apollo's mom/dad.

Don/Vera, your words gave me a feeling of peace and I thank you so much. I started reading your thread and watching you and Bella in that video made me cry. What a precious puppy she is! So tiny and so cute and those eyes! I love way you've written little stories throughout your grief and feel it is a beautiful tribute to Bella.

Thank you for your kindness.

Jan
Mati's Mama Forever
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JanV
Mati,I love you and miss you so much. There is a big giant hole in my heart and I can't stop thinking about you or worry that I made the right decision in letting you go. Today, I was watching Good Morning America and Robin Roberts was being interviewed. She has been through hell struggling with cancer and other losses in her life but when asked what the single biggest lost in her life was , she said it was losing her dog. She was with him for 18 years and she said that he got her through the most difficult times of her life. It made me cry because I felt like her words were coming from me.

I'm so terribly sad today.

Jan
Mati's Mama Forever
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