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SadLou

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Reply with quote  #1 
Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life, we adopted my cat Billy over 11 years ago, he wasn't like other cats as he had a bad past, he was very close with me and my family, he would never go out for more than an hour, had a routine he loved and always followed us about, so yesterday you can imagine mine and my mums worry when he hadn't sat in usual place for when he was ready to come in and it had now been a few hours, so we called him from both the back and front door normally he will come trotting but after 3 attempts me and my mum had a gut feeling something was wrong, so we went out to find him, calling him looking everywhere and my mum found him squeezed behind the bin, all of sudden she screamed out whats happened to you, and I went over seeing the worst sight I had ever seen in my life, I wont go into details but it was obvious his face had been hit by a car, my mum and me started crying and panicking she scooped him up I grabbed a blanket, got my car keys and went to the vets, after taking him in there they told us not only were there the obvious injuries he had a broken jaw and told us the best thing to do would be to let him go and put him down, so me my mum and my dad made the hard decision and said a teary goodbye and honestly I am struggling so much I cant eat I got about 1 hour sleep last night I don't know what to do know my best friend has gone, the house feels so empty without him.
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Louise Maslen
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Cboo918

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Reply with quote  #2 
I'm so sorry SadLou. I just lost my beautiful 6 year old kitty yesterday as well. I've been a basket case, barely eating or sleeping, just having recurring panic attacks. I had to put my Monkey to sleep because of kidney blockage and it was unbearable.

I always worried about him because he went outside as well. I worried about cars and mean people and predators. But ultimately I decided that his joy in going outside overrode my desire to keeping him inside. He was born outside to a stray cat mom and lived outside entirely for his first six months of life. And I decided to accept the possible dire consequences that decision might bring in letting him out.

So please don't beat yourself up over this. He had the best of both worlds and I'm sure he was living his best life as a pampered indoor kitty with outside privileges. I gave my cat so much love, he never lacked for attention. I just wanted him to be happy. As I'm sure you wanted your kitty to be.

Sending hugs and much sympathy, as we are both going thru such tragic losses at the same time
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Syd123

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Reply with quote  #3 
Sadlou I am so so sorry for the loss of your precious kitty Billy. I know how much the pain hurts, how awful it is to loose your best friend. Just 1 week ago I unexpectedly lost my best friend, my 8yr old dog Colby. He was my everything and I love him more than life itself. I cried for 2 straight days and didn’t eat for almost 3 days. I understand what you are going through now and I am so sorry. It is the worst pain imaginable and I hope you can find comfort in knowing that here in this forum people understand that and you are not alone in these feelings. Billy is at peace now and he knows that you were there, that you found him, that you love him. The pain doesn’t go away but the unbearable sadness will become easier to hold. Let the love that you shared heal you. Please take care of yourself as you grieve. Be gentle with yourself and take your time. Sending hugs.
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SadLou

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Reply with quote  #4 
Thank you all for your comments I'm struggling more and more everyday, trying so many things to make me feel like he's close, I can't stop thinking about how much pain and scared my little fur baby was and it makes it so hard to move on with the guilt, I hope that he's waiting for me and that we will reunite some day
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Louise Maslen
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Cboo918

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Reply with quote  #5 
I know how you feel. I've been taking anti anxiety meds because I'm having panic attacks and what I would characterize as flashbacks of my Monkey's final moments. I can't even write or say his name without getting a knot in the pit of my stomach. It's horrible. No way around it.
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SadLou

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Reply with quote  #6 
Unfortunately I already suffered with anxiety however the loss of my Billy has made me completely numb a feeling Ive never had, not feeling laughter, anger, shock only feeling sadness, I hope that over time you slowly recover as well me x
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Louise Maslen
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Cboo918

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Reply with quote  #7 
Me too, anxiety. I always refer to my cats as "kitty Xanax" because they calm me right down when they sit on my lap. I kind of wish I could feel numb. I feel like I'm jumping out of my skin. I know that it will get better. It's hard to remember when you're in the center of the storm tho
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Adv2112

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Reply with quote  #8 
Oh i am so sorry I'm in tears from your story thats so sad. As hard and difficult as it was for you to find him that way take some small comfort in knowing he knew you and your mom were trying to help him:( :( the first week is so so very hard. For three to four days I honestly had NO appetite and was forcing myself to eat to stay alive and food tasted like dirt so we all grieve differently and you just take the time to grieve how you need to and come here for a safe space.
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SadLou

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Reply with quote  #9 
Asv2112 thank you so much for your comments it brought much reassurance to my mum and I, I am slowly eating more but sleep not happening, I'm only sleeping when my body can take no more, I feel like an empty shell of a human with a hole of where my precious Billy once was
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Louise Maslen
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SadLou

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Reply with quote  #10 
Two days since you've left us my baby and I'm still so broken, I'm so sorry it ended that way baby truly I am, but I'm so proud of you that you hung in there waiting for me and mum to find you, you were so amazing and I'm so grateful we got to say goodbye to you, I hope you know how much we love you and how much we miss you, I feel guilty every day for what happened I'm so broken that it ended that way after 11 amazing beautiful loving years together, I can't sleep and can barely eat, we were together through school, colleges, jobs and uni, you were my best friend, someone who would help me when I was anxious, I will forever miss our naps together and the comfort you brought us, the house is so empty without you, maybe getting your ashes back will help, I hope so, I love you so much and will miss you forever my beautiful baby boy Billy xxxxxxxxx
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Louise Maslen
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Cboo918

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Reply with quote  #11 
I'm right there with you Lou,,2 days since I lost my precious boy Monkey. Know that you are not alone in your grief. I'm sorry we are all going through this, it's so unfair.
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SadLou

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Reply with quote  #12 
Cboo918 it's so unfair that we both and many others lost their fur babys and feel this way, I feel as though this is one big nightmare, it just doesn't feel real to me right now, he was such a huge part of my life I'm hoping his ashes when we get them will bring some ease of this pain, sending hugs
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Louise Maslen
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Cboo918

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Reply with quote  #13 
I know, just when I think I'm turning a corner on my grief, I get sucked back into the deepest depths.
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SadLou

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Posts: 42
Reply with quote  #14 
Billy, being home without you is so painful, looking at the places you were, where your food and water bowls were, were you litter tray was, the mat you loved to lay on and scratch, my bed when I'm in it to have cuddle and spoons together, mum and dad's bed where you used to lay and scratch, the sofa which you blended into, I miss you so much baby, it's never going to be the same without you, three days gone and it's still so raw if not worse, I'm hoping when we get your ashes home we will find some comfort in knowing you are at least home, I love and miss you forever my beautiful baby boy xxxxx
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Louise Maslen
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SadLou

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Reply with quote  #15 
I miss you so much baby boy
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Louise Maslen
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