Emichybee
Franklin was a bit of a sick kitty from when I got him at 12 weeks old. He was diagnosed with Feline Herpes so it wasn't a huge deal, I just knew I had to give him medication for the rest of his life. Though feline herpes didn't mean yellow mucous, which I tried everything to get rid of. Laser treatment, put under for nasal flush, awake during nasal flush, nebulizer, multiple tablets, multiple liquid medications, you name it.

Only over the last month did it become much worse. He became much less like his usual self. He didn't want to play or eat, only lie around. Of course I got him all the help I could including more stressful injections and medications that he would tolerate but hated. This past week he started to have diarrhea but the yellow snot had FINALLY cleared after 5 months of rigorous attempts.

That morning when I took him I was only planning on getting him a quick injection to fix his diarrhea he'd been having. That was supposed to be it. But he ended up having a 106 temp and had lost 2 of his only 6 pounds. The vet then considered him to be in a dangerous state and suggested he MIGHT have Feline Infectious Paritonitis. There's a wet and a dry version; wet being more deadly and meaning fluid invades and fills internal organs. The next morning he was breathing very quickly when I woke up. I took him to the vet at 6AM and he got X-rays that proved his lungs were filling with fluid. I had him put to sleep in my arms 45 minutes later.

I'm honestly devastated and heart broken. I know it's "just a cat" but he was my Little Frankie. He was the best cat I have ever had and had every quality I've ever wanted. He would make the most adorable noises as he'd year around the apartment with my other cat. He would wake me up multiple times a night by licking by nose and giving love bites with excessive purring. He always wanted to sit with me and he slept on my neck EVERY night. I miss his presence so much.

I do have another cat that I love to death but he's just not the same. He's sensitive and enjoys attention but only on his terms. He never sleeps with me or does anything that Franklin did. But I know he is grieving along with me for his brother. For the last few weeks he'd been acting much different; hollering around the apartment and craving much more attention than normal. It's like he knew.

People say I should get another cat when I'm ready, which I know would help. But I may never be able to in case my cat is a current carrier of FIP and perhaps even he gave it to Franklin. So on top of feeling bad myself, I feel horrible leaving my sensitive cat alone everyday while I'm at work now. They were buddies and took such good care of each other.

It's only been two days since this happened but I can not stop thinking about it. So far, his good memories only make me cry and miss him more. I am honestly heart broken and still in shock. I want to deny this and just wake up from the nightmare. He was everything I ever wanted in a cat.

I feel it would have been easier if he had lived a full, happy life. I can't help but feel guilty for putting him through all of the stressful treatments and medications. I know that I had no idea this would be the outcome but I always question if there was SOMETHING more I could've done. I am truly depressed. I appreciate any words of advice and kindness in advance.
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Mistysmama
Oh I am really sorry about Frankie. You tried your best to help him. You mustn't feel bad or guilty for trying to help him. You did the right thing.

I am reminded of myself, as I got a breast lump removed on my sweet girl (Misty dog) in the February, then a second lump removed, which ended up as a half mammary-strip....then as if that wasn't enough (she was cut from leg to ribcage) -put her through x ray and yet more vet visits for a weird lump which came up on her ribs overnight. It turned out she had hemangosarcoma (spleen cancer) which had spread everywhere. I just think if I had known it was there in the first place I would NEVER have put her through all that surgery etc. I would have left her in peace to live out her days until the end, with few vet visits. She hated going to the vet.
I was just trying to help her with all I had at my disposal at the time. Like you with Frankie.

Yes you will still be in shock and in great pain of losing him right now. I was absolutely useless for weeks actually. It wasn't 'depression' -it was plain old painful Grief. I feel for you but what you are feeling is a reflection of how much love you have for Frankie. Don't be afraid of that pain, though it breaks your heart I know. Surrender to it.

Your other cat will be grieving too in his own way, and wonder what has happened. Love on him, and share that mutual support and kindness with him through this awful time.

I hope you will receive a sweet dream or something to show you Frankie is okay, and still loves you very much. Because I know that is true. Bless you.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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ScoutsDad

It's tough to lose them, especially at so young an age.  I do hope that you find peace.  Is there a way to get Franklin's brother tested to see if he really is a carrier?  In terms of the depression and guilt, I know what you are going through.  It does get better, especially as you explore the possibilities and come to realize you did everything reasonable.  I know talking to the two vets who saw Scout, as well as other cat owners and the wonderful people on this board, has helped me enormously in understanding that we cannot control everything that our beloved pets may face.

Tonight, I tried to coax a stray kitten over to me that I saw at a fast food restaurant.  He or she wouldn't come to me, but tomorrow I'm going back to see if I can be more successful.  The best that we can do is know we loved our little furry children and pass that along to another one, not as a replacement but as a tribute.  I know, in time, you will feel the same.  

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Emichybee
I am so thankful for both of your responses. It's very reassuring to hear from other people that have gone through similar situations and know that there is in fact a light at the end of the tunnel. I haven't gotten to see it yet but I know that I will in time.

It's very difficult not being able to help our precious pets get through the hard times like we so much wish we could. I miss him dearly and truly wish it didn't have to be this way.
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Marleyboo
So sorry about your Frankie, what a horrible experience. I too lost a kitten at 6 months old but in different circumstances and he too has a brother left mourning for him. That was sept 28th and although I will never forget my Marley. the pain has eased a bit. Monty is now coping better too. I think i coped better as i knew i had Monty to still care for. I knew he needed me and we helped each other through it.
The pain will ease for you too in time. Just take your time and grieve in your own way. Keep the thought that Frankie is now at peace and no more pain. Thats how I found peace, to think that Marley is now safe and pain free
I so hope it gets better for you, I didnt think the pain would ever go but it does.
Tracy
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