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Kai_Baby1
A warm hello to you too Dawn, Bailey and Riley! Please do not feel embarrassed or ashamed to say that you felt the need to start anti-depressants. I am just so happy for you that you found something that is helping you through this terrible pain but, equally sad for you that you needed them in the first place. Please be vigilant though with how long you stay on them. These types of drugs can really mess you up. I know your a sensible soul and you will be careful but, i just want you to remain mindful of the deleterious effects such drugs can have. But, again I am pleased that they are working for you and helping to bring you some much needed solace.

I am honestly crying tears of joy for you reading of Baileys signs to you. What an extraordinary gift of love! I am actually reading in envy too over you being able to feel Baileys fur! Dawn how far you have come since Bailey transitioning is testimony to the undying love you and Bailey share and your willingness not to give up on hope and to open your heart and soul. Several months back I doubt you could ever had imagined that you would be seeing the signs you are today. All this was only made possible because YOU never gave up on love. I am so proud of you! You truly deserve all the heartfelt joy that Bailey is bringing to you with his presence. You have indeed been blessed. It is an incredible feeling isn't! I have felt that pure heart joy with Kai's signs in the past and i remember exclaiming ecstatically" I am so blessed, my gosh I am so blessed!"

It sounds like the choice for you to go through chemo was indeed the right one. I am so glad you did. But, your choice not to put Bailey through chemo was also not only the right one but, really the only choice you had. Dawn our babies had lost use of their legs, no amount of chemo would have changed that. When they lost use of their legs they lost their very freedom, they had become bound by chains. It is interesting to note that the majority of Kai's song messages to me make reference to being bound by chains, but now free! I do understand your guilt all too well though. When Kai was diagnosed with a sarcoma I had asked about chemo for Kai and the specialist replied that he doubted it would buy her much time at all. We would have just been putting them through more suffering not just their own physical suffering but, Bailey and Kai suffered seeing us watch them suffer. Even if Bailey had survived the surgery i am sorry but it would have only been slightly prolonging the inevitable. i don't believe Bailey would be still here. You did the only thing that was left to do, you cut the chains that so bounded him so that once again he could be free. Now as you have seen for yourself Bailey is running free, free as the wind side by side with his mommy! Bailey is in joyous peace and wants you to know that feeling too, so let your guilt carry off with the winds as you run with Bailey chasing butterflies.

WHY DOGS LIVE LESS THAN HUMANS
Thank you so much for sharing that with me!!. They are the most beautiful words I have heard in a long time. It is all true. I have always believed that the life of the four legged is but of such a short time because animals already know everything there is to know about love and they come here to teach us. (Except of course for those souls like Kai who had never known love and come to this earth to learn to be loved). Animals and children are so in tune with themselves and the universe that it does not surprise me that such a young child would have such wise words to speak. It is so sad that adult humans forget that they are actually spiritual beings just living a physical existence. Thank you again so much for sharing this with me, it really melts my heart and I can tell you I will be reading it over and over! Well my friend, I am thinking of you and Bailey running side by side never again to be parted, joined not by chains, but by the bonds of love. Your friends always Helena and Kai Love to you xx

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Kai_Baby1
forgot to ask you...who is this wonderful veterinarian who wrote of this? xx and big hugs
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Mom2Baiely

Hi Helena & Kai- It's been a tough week for us- We lost our 18 year old cat Hannah on Thursday 5/23/19. She has been struggling with various health issues over the past two years, but she started to have kidney failure beginning two weeks ago and just couldn't recover. The meds work for the moment but dull me a lot and I do not like that feeling :( -  We are just dumbfounded at all we've gone through in 2019. When I am able to write I will but I'm just not up to it currently. No signs from Bailey past few weeks - Just a challenge all the way around - I do hope you are well. The vet who wrote the article I posted - I don't know their name but will try to find it when I can. Again, wanted to check in and tell you thank you for your reply. When my heart can manage to I will write more - 

Our best xx hugs & love 

Dawn, Bailey & Hannah-

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Kai_Baby1
Hi Dawn and family, I am lost for words at your terrible loss of Hannah. I know it will probably be hard for you to believe at the this point of time and you are probably feeling a lot of doubt about things but, deep in your heart you KNOW that your beautiful Hannah is together with Bailey and rejoicing in new found peace. Please try to keep that in your heart that Hannah and Bailey are staying around to comfort you. Remind yourself of all the incredible signs that Bailey has already shown you and believe that there will be more to come (why wouldn't there be!) but, this time I am sure Hannah will be coming through for you as well. I think that's why you haven't seen Bailey of late because he has been busy looking after and preparing Hannah.

Please be careful with the meds, don't just stop them a abruptly as it can do you harm. Make sure you wean of them if you want to discontinue. Not sure if it better to feel numb from the meds or allow yourself to just feel the terrible sadness without them? I completely understand that your not feeling up to writing at the moment but, when you are know that I will be here for you. I am thinking of you and worrying about how you are. Please give yourself and Riley a huge hug from me. I will be saying Prayers for you and Hannah. Sending love and light to you my friend. xxoo
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Mom2Baiely

Hi Helena & Kai ~ Life has been challenging since we last spoke. I had to take a break from here other than posting weekly for Monday's candlelight ceremony. This past week there was a golden retriever on Good Morning America named "Kai" and then I was like I wonder how Helena is doing...

I haven't posted lately because I was trying to muddle through beginning medication, and trying to get my life back on track. We have really been through the wringer - Riley nipped a neighbor dog. His anxiety is so heightened that we have started at vet urging giving him CBD oil. It has helped him immensely. I had a great friend who when Bailey passed she would check on me from time to time making sure I was managing. Well, 6/29/19 she passed away unexpectedly at 54 years old - I think I stopped crying daily about a week ago. From all that's occurred in our lives in 2019 - we feel pretty numb.  She was a true angel to animals, and fostered many dogs over the course of her life. She was an amazing human being. Leaves behind two adult children who loved her dearly and 5 grandchildren...

So, nowadays I can be found chatting to hummingbirds, and dragonfly's .. I'm never sure if it's Bailey or Mindy coming to me and I have asked them to watch for each other ~ 

I just wanted to say I hope you are doing well, and that Kai crossed my mind..and maybe it was to post her to check on you 😉 

Be well Helena xxx

Dawn 

 

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Kai_Baby1
Hi Dawn,

So wonderful to hear form you, but so sad to hear of everything you are going through. Loosing a dear friend so soon after Bailey and Hannah is an awful lot to cope with. Life seems all too cruel at times. I guess you have to try and remember that you are truly blessed to have the love of these three beautiful souls. Some people don't have anyone to grieve for because they don't have any one around them who loved them. So in an ironic way you are lucky in that sense. 

Like you, though for different reasons life has been and continues to be a struggle for me. Pretty much everyday I tell my baby Kai that there is nothing here for anymore and I just want to come home to her. Every single day I cry being apart from her, wondering how many more years on this earth must I endure until I can go home to her. I feel like I am just biding time, hoping the years will swiftly pass by. The only positive thing I have to hold on to are her signs and messages which fill me with complete awe. In fact, her journal is now literally filled with heart felt messages from her. So much so that I hope to be able to write a book soon.

I don't post here anymore either. I stopped months ago when another friend who kept in contact with me daily just suddenly disappeared. No goodbye, nothing, just gone. Had other friends here just vanish so I decided that was the last friend that would just leave me wondering what happened to them and if they were ok or not.

I am so glad that the CBD oil has helped Riley. I had looked into it for Kai before she left but as its illegal here It is difficult to access and getting proper dosage rates can be a bit of a headache. You might be better off trying that instead of the meds? My great hope though is that life will become kinder for you and you wont need any of these things!

Anyways, thank you for thinking of us, it really is so deeply appreciated! Keep looking to Bailey for signs to guide you through this difficult journey.

Heart felt love and hugs to you and Riley,
Helena and Kai xxoo

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pannklaus
I haven't been actively involved in all that has been written in the last few very moving posts, so I won't try to comment on any of the specifics.  My only thought has to do with friends who leave the board.  The post  about feeling abandoned brought up some things I hadn't thought of before. 

I have been here since February and still come but my need isn't as great as it was in the beginning.  There seems to be a natural process--as the grief becomes less intense there is a weaning away from this forum. People who had been coming frequently may stop coming. I have never seen a post here where someone said something like: "This is my last post here because I am leaving and I want to say good bye to my friends."  I doubt I will know when I write my last post or when I check the forum for the last time.  

Since the grieving process proceeds as such a different pace for each individual there will be people I was corresponding with who may still be struggling or have new tragedies when I  eventually feel like moving on.  I may continue to check private messages but no longer read the postings.  When I leave I will not have forgotten my precious sweet baby Lenny or be totally grief free.  And I will never forget the people here whose stories I became actively involved with. 

I am not leaving now.  I just wanted to suggest that perhaps friends who leave don't intend to abandon anyone.  It is just the natural ebb and flow of this board that people enter at the time of their deepest grief--for some, the worst grief they have ever felt and leave  when they make some progress or other events take over their lives or other reasons. 

Patsy
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Kai_Baby1
Hi Patsy, thank you for your kind thoughts. I couldn't agree with you more. There are a million different reasons why friends may suddenly stop communication and I know no one here would intend to abondon a friend. However, in this particular case we had actually made a promise to one another that we would at least let the other person know if they weren't going to communicate anymore so the other person wasn't left worrying if they were ok or not. After other friends just disappeared my friend reassured me that she would never just leave me. But, perhaps that was an unreal expectation. The point is that you share your deepest trauma with friends here and it is difficult not to develop an emotional connection with them and not worry when they suddenly vanish. It tends to become loss upon loss. Having said that though I will always remember in my heart and be grateful for the friendships had here even if only shared for a moment in time.
All the best, Helena xx
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pannklaus
Based on your comments, I will let people I have been corresponding with know when I leave or else stop in occasionally and post what I am doing.  It is something I didn't think of before and I am glad you brought  it up.  We do form strong attachments to others here, since this is the one place we can describe our feelings which aren't understood by others.  Thanks for bringing up the subject.
Patsy
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Mom2Baiely
Hi Helena & Kai - I appreciate your reply and am grateful you are still at it.. working thru the grief. Helena I’m sorry about the person who just disappeared- I may not post a lot but iso cherish this thread as it saved me when I was in the darkest of places. I saw no way out and you and Kia appeared. Every time I get a sign I think of you for had I not of met you here I wouldn’t have been as open to accept the signs. I am eternally grateful for that. This past Wednesday a eastern swallowtail butterfly fluttered all the way from out of my garden to gently brush my cheek. I can honestly say I almost moved but didn’t. It was the sweetest moment. I talk to Bailey and my dear friend Mindy every single day. It helps keep me going forward. I wanted you to know Helena that I am titrating off the Zoloft and should be totally done in 8 more days. I’m glad I did go on the medication as I was sinking fast into darkness and not seeing any joy or happiness around me- they served their purpose. If you don’t already know you and Kai have been a blessing to me. You made contact and helped me navigate through. I still have a long way to go and I haven’t picked up camera like I used to with Bailey and our walkabouts with nature... but I do see joy at times and last week shared a belly laugh with my granddaughters- Be well Helena and check in from time to time if you are able - you are an angel! Love,hugs, and Peace from Dawn,Bailey , Riley , Hannah and Woody 🐾🐾🐾🐾❤️🌻✌️ Included pics of Riley Hannah and BaileyI don’t have picture of Woody on my phone but next time I update I will include one ❤️
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Kai_Baby1
Hi Dawn, lovely to hear from you. It wasn't actually a person that disappeared, it was all of my friends here (apart from you of course). My friends here were the only support I had to help me cope with the loss of my beloved Kai girl. Now that theyre gone there is absolutely no one, nothing. But, I am ok with that now, I have become accepting of my path in life and that for whatever reason I must walk this journey alone. But, in saying that I will never truly be alone because my darling soul twins Kai and Elly are always standing right beside me.

Than you for your beautiful and kind words, it means so much to me. Unusually for me I am struggling to find words to write, but I am pushing through with this message because  I wanted to share a very special story with you that I am hoping will bring you even a deeper connection with Bailey and Hannah. I don't now if you have practiced meditation before but here is how it has helped me beyond anything I could have possibly hoped for to connect further with my beloved girls. A few months ago I was listening to a CD which is a guided meditation specifically designed to help you visit your fur babies at the rainbows bridge. Anyway, I was there with them and they took me on a tour then we spent time doing fun things together. Then when the voice on the CD said that our time was over and it was time to go back, something extraordinary happened. Tears began to flow like a river and I could do nothing to stop them as I yelled "no, no, I don't want to go back!! My reaction took me be surprise as I wasn't even completely sure if the meditation was working.. Well i had no doubt it was working then! On the way back to the gate to cross back over the rainbows bridge my girls run into a field and starting picking bunches of daffodils with their mouth and dropping them in my hands. They made several trips to the field to collect many daffodils for me ( for some reason it was important to them I received many bunches from them. Then they said to me "take these home with you mommy, they are a gift-a sign.

Well up until that time I knew absolutely nothing about daffodils and I mean nothing!! So I did some research and this is what I learnt - daffodils must always be given in several bunches, never singularly as it can bring bad luck - hence their insistence that they gave me many bunches. Most profoundly though daffodils are a sign of re-birth in the afterlife!!! They mean eternal life. Only ten days after the meditation which happened to be a Monday (the day Kai transitioned) I was walking down a street I often walk down when all of a sudden a yellow flash towards the right of me caught my eye. I literally stopped in my tracks in disbelief, there growing in the middle of a bunch of little white flowers were daffodils growing completely out of place!! I was absolutely stunned and they were the exact same type of daffodils my girls had given me in the meditation!..Of course I picked them and they rest by her photo now.

Last month on the 28th was Kai's birthday (would have been our 12th anniversary together).  Anyway, I went away to a cottage in the country for the night of our anniversary to meditate and be with her and and guess what was growing along the side of the dirt road on the property?? Yeap, the exact same daffodil! Daffodils are not native in Australia so it really is extraordinary, rare to see them growing wild anywhere here!

Just through meditation not only was I able to connect with my beloved girls but through the're gift of the daffodil they were able to confirm to me that they would indeed be returning to me.They told me "coming back as two of a kind". I also have something now to cherish and adore, something that i had never had even thought about in my whole life - the daffodil! So if you are not already mediating please seriously consider! You see, our fur babies exist at a much higher vibrational level than us so it is important that we continuously seek out ways to raise our own vibrations - meditation does just that! i have many more stories to share, but for another day.

So pleased to hear that you are going off the meds, they probably would only inhibit your ability to reach Bailey and Hannah.My computer is playing havoc here so i will say bye for now. Please know that you and yours will always remain in my heart and thoughts.  I always get such a clear picture of Bailey in me mind, quite unusual! Probably because you guys have been such a blessing to me and Kai too!! Oh, the photos are sooooo gorgeous!!! Thank you for sharing! Till we hear from you again. Lots of love and hugs xxoo
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Mom2Baiely
Helena & Kai ~
You have been in my thoughts intensely the past few weeks and I’m now taking a moment to check in. In October we lost a dear family member ~ my husbands father. A true nature lover. He loved owls especially. A week after he passed we found that a screech owl set up his/her home in one of our hollowed trees ❤️ As you taught me ~ watch and be open to signs. I do hope your holidays went well. My husband and I went to local animal shelter and made donation of items and food. We did not look at animals for adoption as not there right now. Very mixed feelings about having a new family member. We also have our Tiger on the decline - he and Hannah we had adopted from shelter we donated to. Tiger will be 19 in July -
Now back to you- How are you? How are you and your loved ones coping with bushfires over there? My heart is praying you are ok ... I wish you and your loved ones a very blessed, healthy and prosperous New Year my friend ✌️
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