Jessi_0426
This past Thursday my baby Yorkie Teddy of 14 years had to be put down. I'm absolutely devasated and heart broken. My family is coping but I feel like i can't breathe. The absence of him is everywhere.
He has had liver problems for the past few years but had been taking medication to manage it. He was getting old and had the regular issues that went with that, arthritis and bad hips. But, he started really going down hill at the beginning of February. It snowballed so fast it's all a blur to me. Could I have noticed something going on with him earlier or did I do enough for him? The last 2 weeks I was syringe feeding him because he wouldn't eat, giving him fluid under his skin every few days because he wasn't drinking much, giving him liver, pain medications and vitamins... Carrying him potty because he couldn't hold himself up on his back legs. It all happened so fast. I dont have anyone who seems to understand how devastated I am so here I am, writing on here. Will this emptiness ever ease up? I have never lost anyone in my life that I cared for so much. Thanks for listening.
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Beaglemomma
Boy you came to the right place.  Everyone here is hurting and at different points in the grieving process which seems like it will NEVER end.  Wish I could tell you it will all be OK in a short time, but I haven't come to that point myself yet and it has been 13 weeks.  Thanksgiving will NEVER be the same for me.  My Molly was 14 and in good health, we went for a walk in the morning and all was normal and then she had a stroke and after that it was a total nightmare afternoon.  There was NO choice really and we did what was best for her---------as YOU did. 

You will find this site is full of the most wonderful caring and understanding people you could hope to find anywhere in the world.  We are ALL suffering and somehow manage to plant a guilt trip on ourselves no matter how underserved it may be.

So try to be good to yourself and believe me when I say that I can truly understand exactly how you feel.  Molly was my heart and soul and I will never be the same.  She was by my side day and night and her loss is impossible to describe, so you see I do get how awful you feel.

Sending you hugs and here you can feel free to express exactly how you feel and no one will think you are crazy.
sitting up.JPG 
janice
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EM
You're so very welcome Jessi. It's difficult enough but when there isn't support then that makes it even more difficult to cope with, I know. I also know how it is to provide the kind of care you did and I know how it feels at this point even after many close relatives passing through the years how this is the most difficult to deal with. You have support here though. My thoughts are with you.
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Jessi_0426
Thank you for the kind words. Today the kids are back at school and my husband at work. Here I am, in a silent house with his memory everywhere. The pain is unbearable. I keep looking for something that has his smell on it so I can feel closer to him. Remembering how it felt to hold him in my arms. This is crazy!!! Time, please pass by faster.
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Bizbol
Jessi,

The pain of losing such a friend as Teddy is excruciating at best. I'm sorry you had to go through such a tough period. I've seen my Tsuk suffer as well. It was much faster than what you went through, but, nevertheless, I'm often haunted by those last hours I spent with him. I remember his little eyes slowly losing their life, as if he was gazing into nothingness. I couldn't stop crying, although they say it's better for your animal friend if you stay composed. I couldn't. I cuddled him all through his passing, whispering in his ears that I was there with him. 

I understand you all too well, Jessi, so do all the forum members. It's a kind of pain we all have in common and we all wish we'd never experienced.

Teddy is a beautiful dog and his name fits him perfectly. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I wish I could help you more, I really do, but it seems time needs to do its work and its never in a hurry, I find.

What you say about finding an object that has Teddy's smell on it is so true and I can relate to that very much. Tsuk's smell has been the thing that has brought me closest to him. I have kept his little fabric doggy house for that purpose.  

Indeed, days when you're all alone at home are going to be very hard. Force yourself to go out, if you can. That's what I did. I couldn't bare the emptiness. I felt unwell and destroyed. Since Tsuk has passed in September, 2015, I cannot get used to the silence in the house. He wasn't a noisy dog by any stretch, but the simple fact of feeling him in the house, was enough. Now, the radio is always on, something I never used to do before.

I hope you can find some peace in these forums, Jessi.

I wish you strength and courage.

Sincerely,

Eric


P.S.: When you feel the strength to post pictures of Teddy, I would very much like to see them.
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LUCYLULU
Jessi:  I am so very sorry about Teddy. My Lucy (wheaten terrier) was over 14. I had to make the decision to put her to sleep. It's a heartbreaking, gut wrenching decision. From what you wrote, you did absolutely everything that you could do for Teddy. You could not have done any more than you did. He was suffering and in pain. When you took his pain, it became your pain-- especially now when you miss him so much. Everyone is different with how they handle loss and mourning. You were with Teddy-- likely most every single day while kids @ school etc.  Your connection was 'a constant' in each day. Coming home to a empty house is hard. But being home in a hollow house is equally as hard. Again-- no measures of grief.

This forum is a place where we all understand. When we have the deep heart & soul connection with our animal(s),  it is so unbearable when they leave. All I can offer from my own experience these past months is that I believe that Teddy's spirit or whatever you'd call it-- is still around you. His love is within you-- and always will be. Keep talking to him. Little signs will come & may ease your heartbreak a little. Some folks here have had dreams that helped. I hope that you feel Teddy with you. Take each day hour to hour, moment to moment.  And be kind to yourself. You gave him all love and in the end you gave him peace. Hugs, Kasey
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Jessi_0426
Thank you everyone for the kind words when you are going through your own he'll. Today I have to leave the house for work. My first day out of the house. Not sure how I'll make it through the day, facing others without breaking down. They will see it in my face, my demeanor, my mood. I have Teddys collar in my pocket so I can smell it and feel close to him, his tag on a chain around my neck that hangs right at my heart. I'll never take it off.
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jimmy17
Jessi, so sorry for your loss of Teddy. We lost our 17 year old dog Jim just over 11 weeks ago. and like Teddy, he`d had a problem with his liver - and quite a few other age related problems. He deteriorated so fast during a Saturday night, and we had to rush him to a 24 hour vet ( his own vet was closed), we had no choice but to have him pts.  To say I was totally devastated is an understatement - we`ve had other dogs, but Jim was my baby ( no kids),  my Once in a Lifetime dog.  The first couple of weeks were spent in an absolute haze - I kept expecting to see him curled up on the sofa, and following me all around the house, his nose bumping into the back of my leg.
  One of the hardest things is family and friends, who just expect you to be back to normal in a matter of days, and that is what is so good about this forum, everyone is all going through the same loss, nobody judges you, and are so very helpful. I also started to write a diary, all the memories - things going back to when Jim was a pup which I hadn`t thought about for a long time ( I think I only focused on his older years after I first lost him ),  and I still write in it most days. 
 Just try to remember all the good times with Teddy, he would thank you for all the love and care you gave to him.  I can look back now and realise what a great life Jim had while he was here, and am grateful that I had him for so long -  although I`ll miss him forever, and I am certain we`ll be reunited with them one day.
                   Hugs, Jackie.
J Taylor
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robertian1959
Hi Jessi as has been said i to feel your grieve , sorrow and pain. The loss of a beloved pet is as nothing i have experienced . Never shed a tear when i was told my parents were gone but having to get my baby gemma put to sleep is the hardest thing that i have had to do . It's 11 weeks and i still find myself getting caught out , like today i was wanting to try and retrieve pictures i had deleted a while ago as it was a case of i had so many and thought there will always be tomorrow to take more.

As Janice has said i've also read the replies where they say that it never goes it just gets less awful , when i wish i could say that you only have x amount of time to go , but the truth is the more you loved them the harder it will be.Only thing i can say is they check in on you i have caught gemma peeking around the living room door like she always did if i hadn't gone through to the bedroom to speak to her and just give her a clap. I know she really isn't there but i speak to her without looking because when i don't see her the tears still flow.

May you find the peace and happiness that we all want and just think you'll be re-united at the rainbow bridge
Gemma's Daddy
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