Blueroze
Max was my Shih Tzu. Months ago, i noticed a large bump under his leg.  Ive lost other dogs to cancer. Max was very old. He had lost most of his teeth and I strongly suspected it was cancer. I prepared myself for his inevitable passing. But he held on. The tumor grew and grew.  I kept him bathed. I kept his bedding clean. 
Max was like clock work. He knew when it was time to go outside, when it was time to eat, lol when it was bedtime. But every day it just got a little harder for him. He was crying a lot. I couldnt touch his leg. It was all he could do to walk. I knew that I should put him down. But i couldnt bring myself to do it. 2 days ago when I went to take him outside. He could barely get up. I had to stand him up. I knew that I could not let him suffer anymore.
I fed him his favorite hot dogs. Gave him a bath and wrapped him in a clean blanket.
Because of the coronavirus, we have to wait in the car at the vets office. I waited for 1 1/2 hours, loving on him. The vet came to the car and I got to be with him in his final moments. 
Hardest thing ive ever done in my life. The guilt is overwelming. The grief devastating. Ive lost lots of animals in my life but the pain does not compare to taking someone I love to die.  
Rose collins
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Jan_H
I am very sorry for your loss of your sweet Max. Clearly he was a special dog who had a wonderful life full of love and care. It is normal to feel guilt for making the final, horrible decision. But you did it out of love, to end his suffering. You did it knowing it would end his pain and increase your pain.

I'm glad you were able to be with him at the end. He knew he was loved.

My condolences,
Jan
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Blueroze
Thank you so much for responding. I had to find someplace where I could just say my experience, share my pain.
Rose collins
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BoxerMomForever
Rose,  I’m very sorry.  I understand how hard it is. To be honest it’s heartbreaking.  That is good you were there at the end.   I’m Still grieving, my girl passed 7 months ago. This site has helped me and I hope it does the same for you.  Hugs to you 
Linda *Mom to two boxer angels* Lily {White Girl} 6/22/09 - 10/14/19  ** Ginger {Flashy Fawn Girl} 6/4/97 - 5/28/09
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