JDS3905
We unexpectedly had to put our boy, Toby down last night (11-4). He was 11 1/2. He started having breathing issues, was shaking and groaning. We took him to the vet and his temperature was 105. They drew blood thinking he had an infection or maybe diabetes. The bloodwork came back normal. I was relieved until the doctor said it was a fever of malignancy and it was most likely cancer of the connective tissue which had spread. I felt like someone punched me right in the stomach. This came out of nowhere. Aside from a little arthritis and losing a little muscle mass which we thought was from the arthritis, he seemed fine. With his age and the fact it had already spread, treatment would not be effective. Palliative care may have give him a few days but the vet was not optimistic even about that. So we had to make the decision every pet parent dreads. I’m not doing well. I feel sad and guilty. Guilty that I missed something. I feel like in a way I failed him. Aside from my wife, he was my best friend. I’ve struggled with bad anxiety and depression and Toby was always there for me. He knew when I was having a rough day and was always able to calm my nerves. I feel like part of me has died. I kept telling him how much I loved him and how sorry I was we couldn’t do anything for him. I hope he knew how much we loved him and how much joy he brought into our lives. And I hope he knew if there was something we could’ve done to treat this- we would’ve done anything- even if it meant selling everything and robbing a bank. Today was awful. Wasn’t laying on top of me this morning, wasn’t there to greet us when we got home, I saw there was still food in his bowl and I broke down. I’ve cried more in the last 24 hours than the last 20 years combined. I haven’t felt a loss this painful since my dad died when I was 14. This just plain sucks
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Mybeautifulboy
I know it does suck and I am sorry that you are going through this. It will be one year since we lost our boy Bosco suddenly. I was just like you and questioned why I didn’t see the signs that something was wrong. I too just figured it was due to age. Please know that you are not alone in your grief. Please continue to visit this forum to share your story.

My condolences on your loss. RIP sweet Toby.
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