BellesMom
Last night our 7 year old dog passed in her sleep. We were so confused by her symptoms the last few days due to her complicated nature in general. We only had her 6 months -we adopted from a shelter. She had seizures and stomach problems from the start. Her demeanor was shy and slow. We still loved her and tried so hard to help her.

Last Tuesday we took her to vet for a respiratory infection. He gave her steroid and b12 shots and prescribed antibiotic. She already was on phenobarbital twice a day. That night she had two seizures. Vet upped her pheno dosage. By Friday she started losing her appetite. Vet wasn't concerned. Continued loss of appetite over weekend. Quit eating altogether Sunday. Had several bowel movements Sunday so we thought constipation had been the problem and we would take her to vet this morning if she hadn't improved.

Sadly, she died overnight. I was devastated to wake up and see her next to me and realize she wasn't breathing. We believe she died of prescription drug toxicity from vet prescribing too much medicine at once. Her liver just couldn't process all those meds. I just can't forgive myself even though we were following the vet's instruction exactly. I wish I had questioned more or taken her to the emergency vet. She was just such a hard dog to read. We feel so guilty, like we failed her, and the fact we were the ones administering the pills makes it so much worse. I cannot stop crying or beating myself up about it. How do I let this guilt go??
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moswald1
BellesMom - I understand how you feel. My dog Kasper was an almost 12 year old Maltese whom I put down on Saturday - hardest thing I have ever had to do. I am still haunted with the images and also the what ifs, but I feel that in time I will come to terms with it as you will too. Its definitely not your fault; you were doing what your vet had instructed you to do. She died peacefully in her sleep, it was God's will. I struggle with Kasper's passing because I chose it, it was my will and not God's. It was truly traumatic to be there and hold him as he passed away - I will never forget it. My heart aches for you; I know you did everything right. I wish that our pet's could talk to us, if for no other reason just to tell us how they are feeling. I would have loved it if Kasper could have told me he was ready to go, that pain was too much; that sort of thing. I just had to read all the signs and trust the vet and make the decision based on that. I now have Kasper's ashes at home with me where he belongs. I have cried every day since I hope that in time I will find peace and I know in time you will as well.  
Marci
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MurphysMom_0831
Belle's Mom,

I'm so sorry you lost your precious girl. I hope you can eventually find some comfort in the fact she passed away in her home where she felt safe and secure, next to the one who loves her most.

Blessings,
Murphy's Mom
"Sometimes there is a dog who is so special, he is able to wrap himself so completely around your heart it is impossible to tell where you begin and he ends."  For My Beloved Murphy, 08/31/2004 - 06/18/2014


http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MURPH121/Resident.htm


http://s327.photobucket.com/user/kathrynbrown1626/library/?sort=6&page=1
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BellesMom
Moswald1, thank you. I have been in your shoes as well with previous pets. That is the hardest decision. I did feel at peace with our previous pets as they lived their full lives and I was able to spare them the pain at the very end when pain and suffering were all they had left. I don't think of it as exercising my will as much as meeting my responsibility to give my pets as gentle an end as possible. It's as important as any other aspect of their care, to know when to let go. It sounds like you did give her the grace to exit at the right time. My heart goes out to you.

I am struggling with Belle's death because it was so sudden and her time with us so short. I know I have to forgive myself and the vet. There may have been other issues that compromised her liver, we will never know.
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Scooby
BellesMom,
Sorry for the untimely loss o your baby. We all know what you are going through now.May God give you the strength to pull through.Lots of love to you n Belle.
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Aine
My thoughts and prayers are with you, I am so very sorry for your loss, I lost my baby, Minx on Saturday, it's so hard when it's so sudden, if there is anythig I can do, anything, please I will be here for you as much as I can, still missing my little Minx so much, I dont ever remember being in so much pain, thank you all so much for being here.

I took Minx sister Mini to the vet today, she is fine, she is my main priority right now, you are in my prayers.
Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget
falls drop by drop upon the heart
until, in our own despair, against our will,
comes wisdom through the awful grace of God
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BellesMom
Thanks all for your prayers. I thought today would be a little easier, or at least tolerable, but I can't stop thinking about it. I am so horrified that this was caused by something my vet prescribed. I just keep playing it over in my mind, me giving her those pills, her looking at me so pitifully. Why didn't I recognize it sooner? It hurts terribly.

I don't know how to trust a vet again. I'm trying to be forgiving, but I can't imagine continuing taking my other dog there, looking that vet in the eyes knowing what he did caused Belle's death. I want to change it all, go back to last week, not have taken Belle in to begin with. It was a runny nose, a little congestion. I should have just waited to see if it would clear up on its own. All the regrets are coming hard at me today, almost unbearable.
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AliceM
Belles Mom, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby.  I know it has to be devastating for you and I know the pain and guilt you are going thru.  I, too, am wondering if I will ever trust a vet again.  My Cali will have been gone 3 weeks tomorrow.  I feel that if our vet had not postponed surgery for a day later, she might have had a good chance of recovering.  As it was, she was unresponsive for 3 days after surgery until the vet finally told us that her kidneys were in failure and it was thought she was suffering and we had to make that horrible decision.  It is the 2nd baby I've lost after surgery.  I have a little mini schnauzer I need to have spayed, but the thought of leaving another one at the vet's for surgery just makes me feel sick all over.  Again, sorry for your loss and you will be in my thoughts.
Alice
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moswald1
BellesMom - I am so sorry for your loss. I appreciate the kind words, that is a comforting way to think of the process. I have always been a responsible pet owner; Kasper always got good care when he needed it. I guess I had never looked at letting him go as part of the responsibility, but you are so right. He was in a lot of pain and it wasn't fair to keep him going. He too had a compromised liver - micro-shunting, which was diagnosed about 3 years ago. Lots of health issues just stacked up against him. It was just so hard to let him go because he's been a big part of my life for the last 12 years. It has totally changed the dynamics of my life and my day to day routine; I never really thought of that part of it; just knew I would miss him terribly. 

I pray that you find peace and also find what you need to come to terms with Belle's death. I have a lot of what ifs as well, I think about how I could have done things differently but in the grand scheme of things it does nothing but torment us to do that. Please find comfort in knowing that Belle is in a better place, pain free and waiting to see you when the time comes 
Marci
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jonancy
I am so sorry for your loss. Finding him next to you, I can only imagine how hard that is for you. My heart goes out to you. Guilt is a terrible thing, most of us here have felt it with our furbabies. You did nothing wrong, you did what the vet prescribed. I would have done the same. I don't know if talking to the vet would help. When I went to pick up Scooters ashes, I had to ask a lot of questions again, I'm not blaming the vet for his death but again guilt or just to understand what happened. I'm still finding it very hard to comprehend how a healthy dog, Scooter, can be fine the day before and dying the next day. I still am feeling very lost by his death.

Again, my heart goes out to you

Jonancy..Scooters mama
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BellesMom
Jonancy: Thank you for your kindness and so sorry you are going through the same. We did talk to our vet (before I figured out what happened through research later that night). The vet claimed he was shocked and couldn't believe it when he heard the news. He said it was unknown, maybe a brain tumor. He never brought up the possibility of drug toxicity. At first I felt a little better thinking it was some random cause we couldn't have known about. But that didn't make sense considering all the med changes that took place in the few days before her death - too coincidental.

The timeline would be too long to go into, but suffice it to say it matched drug toxicity to a t, right down to gray colored stool on her last day. I'm certain he knew what happened - he made an error in dosing and didn't want to admit it - and was purposely evasive. That really hurt because we really liked and respected our vet to that point.

Now we must find a new vet and I'm going to be much more proactive and not simply trust everything they say or prescribe. I will absolutely not allow shots and pills without making certain they are necessary. If I get a bad feeling about a prescription, I will do more homework on my own before agreeing to treatment. From here on out we are keeping any meds to an absolute minimum.
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helenbutcher
I prayed my little Maltese, Molly would pass in her sleep.  As of NOW my husband is bringing her to end her life.  I feel SO guilty.
Helen Butcher
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BellesMom
Helen: I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I've had to put pets to sleep before and it is such a hard decision. I hope you find comfort on this forum as I have in the last weeks.
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