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Sallyhunt
Hi Evie,
How has your Easter been? I don't know why, but I've been thinking of you. I haven't smoked for two whole days! I also haven't dreamt of my Louie but I know he's with me anyway. I know I will smoke again but I've had the OH breathing down my neck all weekend and we've been decorating. We both hate decorating and it came to a head yesterday when we called each other a few choice names so I left him to it and escaped on my bike for a ride in the pouring rain. It was great to get out, clear my head - and I could have bought a packet of cigs but I resisted.

I hated him yesterday. I looked at him with utter contempt thinking 'you killed my precious boy' - yesterday I was angry rather than sad until I came to bed then the flood gates opened! I reached out and touched the pillow where Louie would have laid next to me. He always followed me to bed.
I miss him so terribly. Why oh why did my boyfriend make that fatal decision? When I look at him he is a constant reminder of what happened. I'm not sure our relationship will get through this. Maybe it's the grief making me think that way. I'm not making any decisions as I know my head is not in the right place.

I'll just bumble along though. Paddy and Dot keep me sane. I love them both so much. I hope your Easter has been ok and Molly has visited you in your dreams. She'll be looking over you like Louie does with me.

Hugs to you Evie. Love from Sally Dot and Paddy xxx
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Bailey15
Hi Evie,
I've been reading through your thread and I wanted to add my condolences on the loss of your precious Molly. I lost my boy, Bailey in November, and now that we've started to have nicer days I too can envision exactly where Bailey would run to have his first pee (on our "walkies") and every spot he marked. I also understand what you mean about not having Molly sleeping there with you. Bailey slept with us as well and I used to scratch the back of his head/neck lightly which put him right to sleep and then his sweet snoring put me right to sleep! It's just do difficult, isn't it?
I'm so glad you had a lovely dream about Molly. It just might be her way of thanking you for all the love and the wonderful life you gave her. :)
Thinking of you,
MJ
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Evie123
Oh Sally, i can understand how terribly hard it must be for you. Maybe it's time for your little break away with Dot and Paddy? Some alone time to think and try to get things into perspective. I have little talks to myself where i try to reason things out out in head from different sides and ways of thinking, if that makes any sense?! But it's not easy to do when i don't get much time to myself to actually think! I hope you and your OH have had a better day today and he is being supportive and understanding. Only time can tell if you can come to forgive his actions fully, as you said, just try to stick with it and take it one day at a time Hun. Easter was ok thanks, nice to spend some time with my family. How about you? Well done on the not smoking, I hope you've not had any since? I didn't have a drink last night and am making the effort to do it less often, the cigs are much harder to quit though. I was so happy to hear from you again, thinking of you my lovely Sally. Have a nice long cuddle with dot and paddy, another your face in their fur and forget about everything else. Xxxxxx
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Evie123
MJ, thank you so much for that lovely comforting thought, it means a lot to me. I'm so sorry for your loss of Bailey too, he sounds as if he enjoyed the same home comforts as Molly. She is a big girl and we had to manoeuvre ourselves into some strange sleeping positions just so she was comfortable! We barely heard a peep out of her, just contented snoring and done whining and frantic leg movement when she was dreaming. How were Bailey's night time antics? I'm so glad we had a fur baby who liked her sleep and comfort! Yes, it really is so difficult my friend, I hope you have done support and comfort to help you. I don't what I would have done without all the love on here, you really are all such amazing and kind people. Thinking of you too MJ. Xx
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Sallyhunt
Hi Evie. How are you? I'm having such a bad few days. I'm just in floods of tears. I've got no support from my other half. I feel I can't get away from this dark cloud hovering above me. Louie is constantly on my mind. I got a new phone a couple of days ago and needed a new screen saver. I found a photo of Louie. He was looking straight at me. Those beautiful brown eyes and that kind loving face. I just miss him so much. I can't forgive my boyfriend and its destroying our relationship. I think it's more or less over - for me anyway. Feel so down. Hope you don't mind me off loading. Bad few days. Hope Molly has been visiting you in your dreams.
Hugs
Sally x
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Evie123
My dear poor Sally, of course I don't mind sweetheart, you have been an amazing support to me and I'm here for you too. I understand how hard it must be to live with your OH after what's happened, especially as he's not being considerate or supportive. Only you can decide what's best for you; try to forgive him and work it out or have a break for some thinking time. My OH can't believe I'm still grieving and isn't very understanding either but I know he is caring and a good man underneath and emotions aren't his strong point. I'm so sorry you're going through this turmoil with all the extra pain that has come from your situation, I wish I could do more to help you. I miss Molly so much too and cry every day because I just want my beautiful baby back in my arms to love and hold. I have arranged a phone reading with a pet medium, I don't know what to expect but will try anything that might help. I'm also reading a book by marianne saucy called 'healing pet loss' which brings a bit of comfort. I hope you can find something to help in any small way, you could do with and deserve to treat yourself with anything that can give you even a tiny bit of happiness as you were a wonderful mum to Louie and still are to dot and paddy. He is still with you and is so glad of the wonderful life you shared and loves you so much too that he wants you to do whatever you need to to be happier. Thinking of you my lovely Sally, please keep coming back and talking, o want to know how you are. Love and hugs as big as your heart. Xxxxxx
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Evie123
Beautiful baby Molly, I've not posted on this part for a while as I've been talking about you on other posts but you know how much I'm missing you every day. So many firsts keep happening, all the places we used to go now spring is here is like a fresh stab in my heart. I know there will be many more to come and I have to take each one as it comes. I love you so much darling, please be happy and having fun with your friends. Your mummy forever... Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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