I had to put Bean down on Friday and I'm heartbroken. For 15 years, he was the face I came home to nearly every day. He had an enormous personality and heart. I miss him so much and can't stop crying. 

He started to get sick in February. Congestive heart failure and beginning stages of kidney failure. The vet placed him on four different medications that he had to take three times a day as well as a special diet. The food made him sick so I cooked for him. A little more than a week ago, he refused to take his full cycle of medication and then a few days later he refused all of it. I tried to get him to take it but I couldn't force it on him any longer. He went downhill quickly. I had the conversation with the vet and after much consideration made an appointment for today. But he declined so rapidly that I called the vet on Friday and pleaded for an appointment. They gave me one but it meant that I only had two hours to spend with him. I called my girlfriend and she left work to be by my side. We were with him the whole time. 

Today, I went out of the house for a bit. At one point I looked at my watch and for a split second thought I needed to get home to take care of Bean. Of course this caused me to start crying. 15 years of routines don't fade quickly.

I'm crushed.

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I totally understand where you are, and the pain you feel. Bean took a part of your heart, and left you with some of his heart. The loss is palpable, the pain is immense, and
Yet, the love, the love is eternal. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Heaven is the place where all the dogs you've ever loved come to greet you.
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I know your pain.
Boo' s mommy
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TWB - Was so sorry to read about your loss of your beloved Bean. I lost Brutus about 7 weeks ago and the pain is still very deep. I know how you feel, for 11.5 years Brutus' face was the face I came home to every day. You had 15 years with Bean so I can only imagine the heart shock you had the first time you came home without him waiting for you. Brutus was diabetic and needed 20 units of insulin twice a day, so I know about being out and noting the time and having the feeling I needed to get back in order to feed Brutus and give him his shot. The "firsts" are always the hardest and my heart goes out to you because I know very well the feelings of being so very helpless and lost because you really don't know "what I am suppose to do now."

The grief journey is a long and hard journey, no matter the age of our fur-babies, how long they have been in our lives, or how they passed. It shakes us to the very core of who we are and it oftentimes feels like being stuck in quicksand--the more you struggle, the deeper you sink. In my mind, it doesn't get better and we will be forever changed because of this tremendous loss of our beloved and precious babies--but I have to believe that it does get bearable. I try to draw strength from the many wonderful members of this site who have been there, some very recently and some for a period of time, that rise above their own darkness to offer light and comfort to help us stumble along to get our footing and move forward towards healing. I am sure Bean and Brutus will want us to remember them for all the moments they gave in all the times they shared our lives, because that is the only and primary mission they had in their wonderful and precious lives--to love us and bring us joy always. Yes, you will be crushed and feel like crap and feel like you are broken and lost. But gradually, that will evolve into something that is vital--like the phoenix that emerges from the ashes. You will remember your beloved Bean and you will smile and draw comfort from that sweet little guy and how he still is very much with you in your heart--his spirit lives on. That is the one truth I hold on to with all my might when it comes to all my days ahead without my beloved sweet beautiful boy Brutus. May Bean and Brutus rest in peace. I send you the warmest of hugs and the blessings of comfort.

Denise (Brutus' Mom)
Brutus von Dolce
06/19/2006 - 03/16/2018
RIP my sweet beautiful boy
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My deepest sympathy for your loss... as you know, there is no greater sadness than losing your best friend.
I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Bertie's Daddy
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I want to thank all of you for your kind words and compassion. I'm still struggling with the grief and trying to make sense of my life without Bean. 
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Awe... what an awesome pic. I used to walk at a nearby cemetery with my boy. I would also ride my bike and he would chase me. May the many beautiful memories help to heal your heart.
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