lawi360
IMG-20140109-WA0005.jpg 
I still can't believe he's gone. 
Monroe just turned five this year and he seemed healthier than ever. He got suddenly sick three days ago. It was a nasty respiratory infection, this time of year where I live, it gets quite cold and windy and that usually triggers colds in small dogs. I made sure he was always warm and had his winter gear. But somehow he contracted a horrible infection and I feel so guilty. I have classes at university and I usually leave him with my sisters or my parents depending on their work schedules. But he always stayed with someone. This past Thursday, I went to school as usual and when I came home, Monroe had a dry, heaving cough. He'd had something similar in the past but It was easily combated with some antibiotics. So I bought him some antibiotics and begun administering them to him. The next day, he seemed worse. He was practically gasping for air, his chest was rising and falling so harshly. So I quickly took him to the vet. The doctor did some tests and he was found with a respiratory infection. A bad one. He had to stay and be admitted. I would go to class in the morning and in the afternoon I would visit him until dark. I did this for Friday, Saturday and Sunday(yesterday). He was not responding to the medication, he kept getting worse and worse, his cough was so bad and his breathing was shallow. The doctor advised me to come to terms with his impending demise but I had hope, I hoped he would pull through but at the same time I have never felt so helpless. I had to go home to study for today's exam and I got a call this early morning around 3AM the doctor informed me that Monroe had passed away. My stomach dropped and I immediately went into a panic attack. My parents and my sisters got me to calm down and explain and they were all shocked and devastated. When I say his death was sudden, I mean SUDDEN. He got a cough and three days later he was dead. I'm waiting to take my exam right now when I just found out my dog died, when I just saw his lifeless body on the examination table. When I cried so hard I felt like I was choking. I can't stop crying, every time something--anything triggers a memory I start holding back tears. I feel absolutely devastated. I feel incredibly guilty too, I feel like I could have done something to prevent this. Maybe if I had taken him to the vet on Thursday instead of Friday? maybe if I had made him stay indoors more and limit his outside playtime? maybe...maybe...maybe...The worst part is he died alone with strangers in a vet. I wasn't there for his departure. I feel like I failed him, I feel like I let him down. I can't stop crying and I haven't spoken a word to anyone since getting back from the vet. I don't know how to tell my friends, I don't think I can take a comment like "at least he isn't suffering anymore" or "it was his time" or "he's just a dog" or "you'll get over it" or "just buy a new one". My friends are compassionate but few of them have pets and I feel like they might not fully grasp the level of devastation I'm in and might say something insensitive although well meaning.
I don't know how I'll go on without him, I don't know how I'll wake up in the morning and there is no one to take outside for his bathroom break, a park walk, play dates with friends, to cuddle with me on my rainy days and watch horror movies and binge on junk food, or follow me around the house like a fluffy shadow, or press his cold nose against me when he wants something. I have never been this affected by a pet death, I have only ever lost one pet before,(Christopher, and I recovered fairly quickly from that), but Monroe's death even if it is still fresh, (literally hours ago), I have never had a panic attack in my life until today, I have never cried so much or sobbed so hard. I feel like Monroe was my animal soulmate and a huge portion of my heart is gone now. Maybe It's because I have never found a kindred spirit in an animal like him before, we communicated so well, he knew what I wanted him to do with just one look or gesture (mind you he was not trained) we just got each other. I don't feel like I will ever have a connection like that with another being...animal or human. RIP Moony.
He made my days brighter and my nights warmer. 
chandamak
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Turtle_lady
Awwwwww he was a cutie!! Poor little Monroe!! Poor you!! What a sucky thing to happen right before exams!!!
Bright Eyes, burning like fire
Bright eyes, how can you close and fail?
How can the light that burned so brightly suddenly burn so pale?
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lawi360
Thank you. I just keep excusing myself from class and bursting into tears in the bathroom.
chandamak
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Chinadoll
My heart goes out to you, the sudden loss of our 'heart dog' is devastating, nothing can compare to what you are feeling right now. When you have that special bond with an animal, the grief is all consuming and more painful than we could have expected. One thing I know, it is not possible to explain how terrible the loss, how painful the feelings, how immeasurable the grief, to someone who has never experienced the connection that you had with Monroe. That 'bond' is different, special, beyond what we have experienced in our lives. The second thing I can tell you is, everyone here at this forum understands, we all know what you feel and what you are going through. It can be a long journey, many ups and downs, waves of emotions. You have to go slowly, let yourself grieve, accept the pain, you will get better but it varies as to how long it will take. Monroe knows how much you loved him, you should never doubt that. He is whole and healthy and happy and will always be with you in your heart, mind, spirit. A greater reunion will come later. Blessings to you and prayers.
Charlie
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