Mysweetsimba
I have just joined this forum. I'm wracked with guilt having putting him to sleep and missing warning signs. Simba was found with a mass on Monday night, after about 10 days of diarrhea, sometimes bloody. I had called a few days in but as I had changed his food I was told to give boiled chicken and see. It didn't improve, he started eating sand, and I called again. I was told he probably has worms, and booked him in the first appointment available at our second choice vet who has further but had flex appointments, a couple days later. After hearing the news, I spent the night crying/ buying CBD oil and anything that could help his course. Took him in the next day to our normal vet and they biopsy him, said they won't operate on it until they get the results back, which is a week.
Thursday night he didn't eat, and then threw up undigested food, and collapsed in the bathroom.
Taking a taxi with his fragile body for half an hour was painful as it was, but passing him to the nurse and seeing blood over my leg where had diarrhea had me fall apart. It is one of the most painful nights if my existence.
Coming to a lonely house, hearing him everywhere, seeing his things that I won't remove yet as I can't bare to not have his things near me, although it also reminds me how I have lost him.


I am not sure I should see him before he is cremated. If anyone can give advice here for this I would appreciate it.
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear Sheridan,

I am so sorry and saddened to read of what your beloved Simba and you had to endure. You did absolutely everything that you could do to try and save Simba. Hearing him everywhere is at times (if you imagine you are hearing something) what many believe to be a "sign" from our lost one.

Once again, last night, almost 12 weeks after my beloved boy (a cat named Marmalade) sounded out one single "meow." This has been going on since he left. It happens in the middle of the night between around 2:30 am and 4:30 am. At time it has been so distinct, it has resulted in my bolting upwards into a sitting position. At times it is the sound a cat makes called a Trill. At times he has walked over my legs on the comforter we used to share together.

I have gathered Marmalade's things, even his baby blankets and saucer and plate and brush with his hair still in it, and am going to keep them in a Tupperware container. I can't look at them right now, but someday I will.

I don't think it is necessary to see Simba again prior to the cremation. I'm not sure how that would go. As he may have been preserved by freezing. Perhaps it is best to ask where he is resting currently.

When I brought my Marmalade's ashes home I was very relieved. I still sense an energy around them. I say "Good morning" to him each morning and "Goodnight" at night. At times I tell him how my day went like I used to before he departed. It is somehow comforting.

We are all made of the carbon of 4.5 billion year old stars. Including Simba. Now Simba's ashes will also contain carbon (Star Dust.) What could be more enchanting and mystical? 

I hope that you will continue to just travel through time and heal. And that someday, you will predominantly think of only your most cherished memories of Simba when your beloved comes to mind.

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences,
James
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Sampson
My dear Sheridan, I feel it is a personal choice whether to see your beloved Simba before he is cremated. However the fact that you asked leads me to believe that deep down you want to see him one last time. I think that it’s so hard living with regrets so my advice would be to see him and kiss him and tell him all the things you loved about him. You could even take someone with you if that helps. My belief is that Simba will hear you and I also believe that you will be reunited with him one day. Good luck with your decision! Please post an update on how you are doing.
My deepest condolences on your sad loss.
Sam
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Mysweetsimba
Thank you for your replies. Funny you both kind of hit the spot of my dilemma. I saw my dad after he past, and I think I had a more romantic notion in my head unconsciously. I was scared, but I thought it would be my chance to have the one last goodbye. When I saw him it wrecked me a little- he had his mouth open, his whole appearance was that of death and not my dad.
A part of me is terrified seeing him as death, and another part of me is terrified of regret of not trying to see him again one last time as he is before he is cremated. It's happening on Saturday, so I am going to have to make the decision one way or another.
I hope to feel the way you both do with your pets, that I will still have a connection to him.
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MySweetBoy
The thing I'm learning about grief is that you just have to treat yourself with loving tenderness. Do what your sweet self wants and needs with regard to cremation or burial. We think we know what we'll choose, what we believe in, what our values are, but then the moment arrives and sometimes surprises us. 

I always thought I'd bury on my property - cycle of life and all that. But the thought of that was suddenly unbearable and I wanted to have his ashes, so I could maybe keep them, maybe scatter some of them another place that was special to us, some here, who knows? I didn't know I would feel like this. I was horrified by the trauma of his death and the ashes felt like it would somehow purify it. As it turns out, when the vet performed the necropsy, the internal bleeding he experienced at the end made a huge mess, so it's probably best I didn't get his body back.

You just have to follow your sweet sorrow and do kindly what it asks of you. Don't worry about anything else.
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Mysweetsimba
Hi all.
It's done. We went through many crematoriums and chose one that did not deal in clinical waste, and only picked him up, no other pets. I had no idea that pets are collected 'like rubbish'. That makes me sad, people should know.
I saw him. His one side of his face was a bit flattened, his eyes were closed in a strange way. He was in a little bed. With a blanket over him. His nose and face was cold. But his ears were soft and delicate. His paws cool but tender. His fur soft, his tail fluffed up and bushy. He had parts that showed him as we remembered, and parts that showed he was gone. I love him so much. We left a photo with us and him together, so it could go in with him. It was hard to leave him, and it was also not.
That crematorium treated us and him with incredible respect. It really showed. We were lucky.
A few hours later, we have his little paw print, a fur clipping, and him. His urn us so small. I do feel a sense of relief. This is not the way I wanted him, but one way or another, he is back here with me. With us. I don't know how long this relief will last, my heart has a break. I am grateful.
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear Sheridan,

You are so, so brave & courageous. I am so glad that it went fairly well and you got to see your boy again. And that he is back home with you now. I did not know that he was an "orange boy" for some reason. That is a wonderful photo of him. There is a unique energy about him in the photo. Thank you for sharing some of your and his story here with us.

Hugs,
James
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Mysweetsimba
Thank you James. I look forward to your next post about the adventures of you and Marmalade.
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redgirlraven
I too did a viewing, as my cat died in the operating room at the vets.  I could only see his little cold head poking out from underling the blanket he was wrapped in, I was scared to look any further since I know they had been operating on him before.  I am glad I did it.  I still weep frequently.  But glad at least I don't have that regret of not doing it.  I am glad you did too
AR
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