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Reply with quote  #31 
JaspersMom

I am so very sorry you lost your baby Jingles.
I know how you feel as does everyone in this forum.
He resembles my kitty cat Henry who I lost on January 3rd at 3.15pm.
I also felt scared that he would looking for me. He would be trying to find his way home. He would be cold and hungry. I thought all he wanted was to find his Mommy.
The pain is unbearable. The longing is unbearable. I stopped eating, stopped sleeping, and made myself physically sick with grief.
I didn't care about being sick. I just wanted to die so I could be with my little boy. The people around me were all very understanding and good to me and I was fortunate for that. They loved Henry too. But I was Henry's Mummy. I would have died in place of him if I had been given that choice.
I didn't want sympathy, I didn't want company, I didn't want 20 million dollars. I only wanted Henry.
I am not doing much better 4 weeks later but I am trying. I started getting angry somewhere along the line and actually found that emotion to be a relief.
It's much easier being angry than being sad.
I'm trying very hard to deal with his loss. It's a tiny bit better these last few days but I'm thinking this as good as it's going to get. I know as everyone tells me..that Henry would not want me to be like this and that it's hurting him to see me like this.

I guess that's what we should focus on . It would be the same for us if we had passed on ahead of our babies. The last thing we would want is for them to be so grief stricken. We would want them to carry on and be happy.

Many many Hugs...
Carol
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AppleCiderVinegar

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Reply with quote  #32 

Robin helped me feel better after my pet died.  

https://mypetisdeadandimcrying.weebly.com/

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SCrane

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Reply with quote  #33 
JaspersMom, my cat, Lenny, died while I was out of town. 16.5 years we had together, she was born under my bed and I’ve been so mad at myself that I wasn’t here for her last breath. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t pass away before I left or wait until I got home but died during my short 3 days away visiting my parents. Many people have said that when it’s time to go then it’s time to go no matter the circumstances. My mom believes that Lenny knew what would be easier on me and waited for me to be gone and she may be right because I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had found her body, I couldnt even touch the shoe box my friend put her in when I got home. This is the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with, it’s been nearly 3 weeks and though there are fewer tears, and I’m functioning better at work, I still feel like I got punched in the gut when I remember my baby is gone. I have two other cats and I’m terrified of losing them too. I can’t imagine how difficult it was for you to watch your fur baby pass on, and to have lost all of them. You’re not alone in feeling all those emotions. Don’t lose sight of all the pieces of you and eventually you’ll be able to put them back together. My heart is with you.
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #34 
Dearest Jasper's Mom,

I had not been in the forum for while and your post is the first one I read. Needless to say that I am so so sad and so sorry you lost sweet Jingles - I mean just after you answered my post on your other thread about your move into your new place with sweet Jingles still at your side. My oh my - I truly do not really know what to say other than that I fully share your sadness. From what you wrote then and there I was fully with you that Jingles was old but I also did not expect this so quickly.

I am glad you were with him in his last moments - a gift really. And after all we exchanged and wrote here I can see that The High Spirit meant well with you as He was to take Jingles whose time had come but with you by Jingle's side. I know in my heart that all three of your sweet angles are united and certainly with you in spirit but I also know that you will have to grieve your loss for a while. All emotions, also the quite strong force anger that you should allow to greet you, will be there again. You are alive and thus have all rights to be angry, sad, glad and joyful - the whole mixed salad of emotions that make us be healthy humans.

All the firsts without him will be there, dear friend. I might sound crazy right now when I say I am kinda glad I had the chance to walk them with my beloved Max as they made me realize even more how blessed I was to have had him.

I hug you dearly and my good thoughts are with you.

In honor of all the three of your beloved ones I post a beautiful flower meadow to have you smile
JaspersMom.jpg 





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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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Bailey15

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Reply with quote  #35 
Hi JaspersMom,
I was almost afraid to open this when I saw your post. I am so, so sorry about your beloved Jingles. 😔
I understand when you say that being angry feels better than that dark, dark despair. It is also a necessary part of mourning. You’ve lost a precious soul who you loved so very much. After losing Jasper and PT; to now lose Jingles in such a short time you have a right to feel angry.
I remember not wanting to go to sleep or wake up and also coming home to that deafening silence. Just so heartbreaking! I hope it can bring you a little bit of comfort to know that many of us here understand and are thinking of you. I’m sending out my most positive thoughts for healing along with many hugs.
MJ ❤️

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JaspersMom

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Reply with quote  #36 
Quote:
Originally Posted by 155
JaspersMom

I am so very sorry you lost your baby Jingles.
I know how you feel as does everyone in this forum.
He resembles my kitty cat Henry who I lost on January 3rd at 3.15pm.
I also felt scared that he would looking for me. He would be trying to find his way home. He would be cold and hungry. I thought all he wanted was to find his Mommy.
The pain is unbearable. The longing is unbearable. I stopped eating, stopped sleeping, and made myself physically sick with grief.
I didn't care about being sick. I just wanted to die so I could be with my little boy. The people around me were all very understanding and good to me and I was fortunate for that. They loved Henry too. But I was Henry's Mummy. I would have died in place of him if I had been given that choice.
I didn't want sympathy, I didn't want company, I didn't want 20 million dollars. I only wanted Henry.
I am not doing much better 4 weeks later but I am trying. I started getting angry somewhere along the line and actually found that emotion to be a relief.
It's much easier being angry than being sad.
I'm trying very hard to deal with his loss. It's a tiny bit better these last few days but I'm thinking this as good as it's going to get. I know as everyone tells me..that Henry would not want me to be like this and that it's hurting him to see me like this.

I guess that's what we should focus on . It would be the same for us if we had passed on ahead of our babies. The last thing we would want is for them to be so grief stricken. We would want them to carry on and be happy.

Many many Hugs...
Carol
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JaspersMom

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Reply with quote  #37 
Quote:
Originally Posted by 155
JaspersMom

I am so very sorry you lost your baby Jingles.
I know how you feel as does everyone in this forum.
He resembles my kitty cat Henry who I lost on January 3rd at 3.15pm.
I also felt scared that he would looking for me. He would be trying to find his way home. He would be cold and hungry. I thought all he wanted was to find his Mommy.
The pain is unbearable. The longing is unbearable. I stopped eating, stopped sleeping, and made myself physically sick with grief.
I didn't care about being sick. I just wanted to die so I could be with my little boy. The people around me were all very understanding and good to me and I was fortunate for that. They loved Henry too. But I was Henry's Mummy. I would have died in place of him if I had been given that choice.
I didn't want sympathy, I didn't want company, I didn't want 20 million dollars. I only wanted Henry.
I am not doing much better 4 weeks later but I am trying. I started getting angry somewhere along the line and actually found that emotion to be a relief.
It's much easier being angry than being sad.
I'm trying very hard to deal with his loss. It's a tiny bit better these last few days but I'm thinking this as good as it's going to get. I know as everyone tells me..that Henry would not want me to be like this and that it's hurting him to see me like this.

I guess that's what we should focus on . It would be the same for us if we had passed on ahead of our babies. The last thing we would want is for them to be so grief stricken. We would want them to carry on and be happy.

Many many Hugs...
Carol
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JaspersMom

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Reply with quote  #38 
Dear Carol,
Thank you so much for your very kind and sweet words of concern and support. I am so very sorry for the loss of your Henry, and my heart truly goes out to you. I feel the same way as you when you had to say goodbye to your baby, all I want is to be with him again, nothing else will ever come close to making me happy and content. The pain is unbearable, the longing is unbearable, you really do understand. I am so sorry to hear that you had stopped eating, stopped sleeping, and that the grief was making you physically sick. I am there right now. I know my sweet boy would not want me to be in such sorrow and despair, but there is no other way to deal with this darkness that I am walking through right now. I do know that time may soften this deep pain I am experiencing right now, time is supposed to be the great healer. I only wish I could hit fast forward to five years from today, then maybe I would be able to remember our bright and shiny days together, instead of that last hour, which was so very, very hard.

My only flicker of hope and light is remembering feeling the same way, five years ago today, when I lost my Jasper, who was only seven years old, to a very sudden illness. I never ever thought that I would heal as I was totally devastated, but as the months went by, although the deep sadness was always there, the raw pain was slowly subsiding. Five years ago today, my heart shattered into a million tiny pieces, and I never thought they would come back together again. They did, ever so slowly, but never completely, as there will always be that emptiness and void. Having two other little ones to care for helped me to stay strong, now there is no one. All of my babies are gone, and I have never felt so all alone. My only peace is coming to this forum, and knowing that in reality, I am not alone.

Your last words really resonated with me. If we passed on before our babies, the last thing that we would want for them would be to be grief stricken. We would want them to carry on and be happy. I am so trying to do just that, but it is going to take some time. I just miss him so much, and like I have written in almost every post, I only wish I could have gone with him that night. For 17 years, we have not been separated, so this is beyond hard. I am waiting for the call to get his ashes back, and I will also have his dear little paw print and a lock of his soft fur. It will be a bit of comfort just to have him back home, where he belongs. I just don't want these memories, I want him.

Thank you with all of my heart Carol for your warm and wonderful words which really meant so much to me. Thank you for helping me to have a little hope in my heart to go on, in the midst of your own sadness and struggle. I wish you peace and comfort in the coming days, as I know how much you are hurting without your Henry, and I am so grateful for your friendship. Hugs to you, JaspersMom
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JaspersMom

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Reply with quote  #39 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AppleCiderVinegar

Robin helped me feel better after my pet died.  

https://mypetisdeadandimcrying.weebly.com/



Dear AppleCiderVinegar,
Thank you so much for your reply to my post and the very helpful link you sent me. The ROAR method seems to be a very useful way to help recover, and get back control of your life again, when you are in the deepest throes and haze of grief. I so appreciate you thinking of me at this difficult time, and I so appreciate your kindness and support. Hugs, JaspersMom
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JaspersMom

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Reply with quote  #40 

Quote:
Originally Posted by SCrane
JaspersMom, my cat, Lenny, died while I was out of town. 16.5 years we had together, she was born under my bed and I’ve been so mad at myself that I wasn’t here for her last breath. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t pass away before I left or wait until I got home but died during my short 3 days away visiting my parents. Many people have said that when it’s time to go then it’s time to go no matter the circumstances. My mom believes that Lenny knew what would be easier on me and waited for me to be gone and she may be right because I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had found her body, I couldnt even touch the shoe box my friend put her in when I got home. This is the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with, it’s been nearly 3 weeks and though there are fewer tears, and I’m functioning better at work, I still feel like I got punched in the gut when I remember my baby is gone. I have two other cats and I’m terrified of losing them too. I can’t imagine how difficult it was for you to watch your fur baby pass on, and to have lost all of them. You’re not alone in feeling all those emotions. Don’t lose sight of all the pieces of you and eventually you’ll be able to put them back together. My heart is with you.


Dear SCrane,
Thank you so much for you kind words in reply to my post. I am so very sorry for the loss of your Lenny, and my heart goes out to you. You had your Lenny for a very long time, as I had my Jingles, and I suppose we are fortunate, but no matter how long we have them, it is never, ever long enough. That is so amazing how she was born under your bed, and I can only imagine how much you are hurting right now. I do believe that your mom is right and that your Lenny knew it would be easier on you if she found her light before you came home. Our beloved pets are just like that, so sweet, and always putting us first.

It is good that you have two other cats to focus on and stay strong for, that does make such a difference. That helped me immensely after my other dear ones crossed over. I knew I had to be strong and take care of them, as they were grieving also. I love how you wrote that I should not lose sight of all the pieces of me, and that eventually, I will be able to put them back together again. Such understanding and healing words, and just what I needed right now. I would not wish this pain on anyone, but it really does help to know I am not alone. I just feel as though I have had the wind knocked out of me, and I just need some time to be able to focus on the precious memories instead of the lonely days ahead.

Thank you again for reaching out to me in the midst of your own sadness, and helping me to keep hope in my heart to carry on. I wish you comfort and peace in the coming days, and I am so grateful for your kind and compassionate words, which have helped me more than you will ever know. I feel my Jingle's presence all around me still, but I cannot reach out and touch him. I suppose I cannot see him with my eyes, but I can feel him with my heart. Take care, and know that I will be keeping you and your sweet Lenny in my thoughts and prayers always. Hugs, JaspersMom 


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JaspersMom

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Reply with quote  #41 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Purzel
Dearest Jasper's Mom,

I had not been in the forum for while and your post is the first one I read. Needless to say that I am so so sad and so sorry you lost sweet Jingles - I mean just after you answered my post on your other thread about your move into your new place with sweet Jingles still at your side. My oh my - I truly do not really know what to say other than that I fully share your sadness. From what you wrote then and there I was fully with you that Jingles was old but I also did not expect this so quickly.

I am glad you were with him in his last moments - a gift really. And after all we exchanged and wrote here I can see that The High Spirit meant well with you as He was to take Jingles whose time had come but with you by Jingle's side. I know in my heart that all three of your sweet angles are united and certainly with you in spirit but I also know that you will have to grieve your loss for a while. All emotions, also the quite strong force anger that you should allow to greet you, will be there again. You are alive and thus have all rights to be angry, sad, glad and joyful - the whole mixed salad of emotions that make us be healthy humans.

All the firsts without him will be there, dear friend. I might sound crazy right now when I say I am kinda glad I had the chance to walk them with my beloved Max as they made me realize even more how blessed I was to have had him.

I hug you dearly and my good thoughts are with you.

In honor of all the three of your beloved ones I post a beautiful flower meadow to have you smile
JaspersMom.jpg 





Dear Silvia,
Thank you with all of my heart for your kind and beautiful words of sympathy and support. You are so right that it was a gift that I was with my sweet boy when he crossed over. I had worked that evening, and when I came home, he seemed fine, nothing was really off with his demeanor or behavior. He ate a little and drank some water, then lay down in bed with me. I never expected for it to happen so fast. I know he was seventeen and had some issues here and there, and the last week or so, he was still eating, just not quite as much. I do remember him lying in his little bed that night before he came up to lay down beside me, and just staring at me with those beautiful eyes of his. He had never done that before. I really do think he knew and that he was just trying to memorize my face, because he knew, he knew. The look he gave me that evening while he gazed up at me was one I will never forget. He knew, and he was saying goodbye. He did not look like he was in any pain, he just looked kind of sad. I suppose he knew how much I would hurt when he found his light. It was not as easy or gentle of a passing as I would have hoped, but it still was not that bad. At least he was safe and warm in my arms, and he could feel my love. I know he could feel me holding him and loving him, until he took his very last breath.

I do believe that you are right Silvia, when you say that all three of my angels are together again, and I know that they are safe and healthy, and that I will see them again. Five years ago today is when I lost my Jasper, and in late February, I lost my little PT. It all seems so surreal now. I thought I would be posting today in memorial of my Jasper crossing over today, never in my darkest nightmares did I think that my dear Jingles would have joined him and his sister. I know this is going to take some time. I still feel his presence all around me, but I cannot reach out and touch him. Thank you for the flowers you posted in honor of my three babies. They are absolutely beautiful and really touched my heart and soul. They did make the tears come, healing tears, and they did make me smile. That was just so sweet and caring of you to remember them like that. I can just picture them running through those flowers and playing, so happy to be together again, while they wait for their mom to get there. 

You are right that all the firsts without him are going to be so very hard, and how poignant and beautiful when you write that you are kind of glad to have been able to walk them with your beloved Max, as they made you realize just how blessed you were to have had him. That really did make me stop and think how blessed I am to have had my Jingles for as long as I did, so many do not get that precious time, and have their time cut short. I will be just so happy when I can celebrate his life, instead of mourning his death. But reading your words has truly warmed my heart, and has given me a peace and calm that I did not think possible. Thank you for being there for me Silvia, and for knowing just the right words to say to help all these broken pieces of my heart start to come back together. I know this is going to take some time. The bright and vibrant colors of the flowers in the picture were just so very special, as are you my dear friend. To me, the flowers represent our bright and shiny days together, my three beautiful little angels, so missed, and so loved. Your warm and wonderful words have lifted me up and given me such hope, and I am beyond grateful for your friendship. Hugs to you my sweet friend, JaspersMom



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JaspersMom

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Reply with quote  #42 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bailey15
Hi JaspersMom,
I was almost afraid to open this when I saw your post. I am so, so sorry about your beloved Jingles. 😔
I understand when you say that being angry feels better than that dark, dark despair. It is also a necessary part of mourning. You’ve lost a precious soul who you loved so very much. After losing Jasper and PT; to now lose Jingles in such a short time you have a right to feel angry.
I remember not wanting to go to sleep or wake up and also coming home to that deafening silence. Just so heartbreaking! I hope it can bring you a little bit of comfort to know that many of us here understand and are thinking of you. I’m sending out my most positive thoughts for healing along with many hugs.
MJ ❤️


Dear MJ,
Thank you so much for your kind and sweet words of sympathy about my Jingles. I never thought it would happen like this. You try to prepare yourself, but you never really can. You think you have been through this with your two other angels, and that you will have coping mechanisms in place, but it hits you as though it is your very first loss. I feel as though I have had the wind knocked out of me, and I have almost forgotten how to breathe. Everything is so hard now, and all the colors seemed to have gone out of my world. What is even worse is that I do not have any little ones to be strong for anymore, and I have never felt more alone. There was always someone to worry about and look after, but now I feel as though I am out in the middle of the ocean, all by myself, just drifting. Deep down, I know that I now have to be strong for myself and for my three dear little ones who are watching over me, and would never ever want to see me in such despair. 

I can still feel his presence all around me, and I just miss him so much. I am waiting to hear from the vet to be able to pick up his little box of ashes, plus I will receive his dear little pawprint, and a lock of his fur. I know that will be a difficult day, but it will also be a bit of comfort to know he is back home where he belongs. We have not been separated in seventeen years, so this just feels so hard, so bad, and so wrong. I know you understand MJ, and you are right about not wanting to go to sleep, wake up, or come home to the deafening silence. I dread going to sleep because he is not there, I dread waking up in the morning after a fitful sleep, because just for a moment, I forget, and he is not there, and I dread coming home from work each night, and not see his sweet little face peeking out from the covers at me. My only hope is that I know that with each day that passes by will bring me one day closer to him, to them.  

I have not moved his food or water dishes, I cannot bear to do that yet. It is funny how the mind works and tries to protect itself from the reality of the situation. I know he is not coming back, but I am still unable to move any of his items, or put anything away. I am going to leave everything just as it is, until I am strong enough to accept what has happened. It is like putting these things away will be saying goodbye to him all over again, and I cannot do that, not yet. It was so traumatic seeing him take his last breaths, but no matter how we have to say goodbye, those last moments seem to stay in our minds, and then we are left with that instant replay, like a very bad movie you just cannot turn off. I do not want his legacy to be his last hour of struggle, but the years of sweetness and light he gave to me. Bright and shiny days filled with such happiness, that is what I want to celebrate, not that last hour of struggle. I hope to get there soon, one day soon, but not quite yet. I just miss him so much, and I literally ache to hold him in my arms one more time.

Thank you again with all of my heart MJ for thinking about me, and for your warm and understanding words. Your really do give me hope to keep on going in the midst of such sadness and despair. You always know just what to say to keep hope and faith alive. Through all of my losses, you have been there for me, and I am forever thankful. I am so grateful for your healing and positive words, for your friendship, and for the hugs. I need them now more than ever before. Hugs to you my sweet friend, JaspersMom
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JaspersMom

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Reply with quote  #43 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bailey15
Hi JaspersMom,
I was almost afraid to open this when I saw your post. I am so, so sorry about your beloved Jingles. 😔
I understand when you say that being angry feels better than that dark, dark despair. It is also a necessary part of mourning. You’ve lost a precious soul who you loved so very much. After losing Jasper and PT; to now lose Jingles in such a short time you have a right to feel angry.
I remember not wanting to go to sleep or wake up and also coming home to that deafening silence. Just so heartbreaking! I hope it can bring you a little bit of comfort to know that many of us here understand and are thinking of you. I’m sending out my most positive thoughts for healing along with many hugs.
MJ ❤️


Hi MJ,
It is me again. I forgot in my last post to thank you for the very special picture and poem of the kitty. It was just so perfect for my loss of Jingles. I know he could have found his light sooner, as I am sure he was so tired, but he wanted to take it slowly, because of me. In the photo, God kept calling the cat and asking him if he was ready, and the cat said quite, but that he was holding on for his human. That really warmed my heart and that was my Jingles, so sweet, so loving, so strong, and always thinking of me, and putting me first. Because as much as we would do anything to keep them here with us, in his last hour, I told him it was okay to go to the light, as I could not watch him struggle anymore. If I could have put myself in his place, I would have, that is how much I loved him. But then he would have been here all alone, waiting for me. He held on as long as he did for me, I know that now, and I am just so thankful that he is not hurting anymore. Thank you for giving me that my friend. Hugs, JaspersMom
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Bailey15

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Reply with quote  #44 
Hi JaspersMom,
I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. I agree with you about leaving Jingles’ food and water dishes out. You need to do whatever gets you through this terrible time. I remember putting Bailey’s favourite bed away, only to take it out again because it made me feel better.
I do think that you will feel better when you get Jingles back at home with you. You’ve mentioned his paw print and a lock of his fur. You may want to start working on a box for Jingles. You can place his fur, paw print, favorite toy, pictures, etc. in it just to have him right there anytime you want to feel even closer but ~ it has to be whatever feels right for you.
When you think of Jingles last hour try and remember that he was so comforted to be in your arms. Bailey laid with his little head in my hand so I literally felt him leave after the vet put the neede in. Sometimes it bothers me but then I realize that he was right where he wanted to be when he left.
I’m so glad you liked the kitty picture and poem. Somehow it reminded me of you and Jingles. I do believe we will see them again; Jasper, PT, Jingles, Bailey and all of their friends and I enjoyed the poem as well.
It’s getting late here but I wanted to check in.. I know this is such a pain filled time for you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Your friend, MJ
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CaseyM

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Reply with quote  #45 
How's everyone...miss him madly!!! My Moses been gone 6 days now....this pain is sneaky, be ok for a bit then bam! Hits me in the stomach. Please Lord take this agony and longing away...

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