I am so very sorry you lost your baby Jingles.
I know how you feel as does everyone in this forum.
He resembles my kitty cat Henry who I lost on January 3rd at 3.15pm.
I also felt scared that he would looking for me. He would be trying to find his way home. He would be cold and hungry. I thought all he wanted was to find his Mommy.
The pain is unbearable. The longing is unbearable. I stopped eating, stopped sleeping, and made myself physically sick with grief.
I didn't care about being sick. I just wanted to die so I could be with my little boy. The people around me were all very understanding and good to me and I was fortunate for that. They loved Henry too. But I was Henry's Mummy. I would have died in place of him if I had been given that choice.
I didn't want sympathy, I didn't want company, I didn't want 20 million dollars. I only wanted Henry.
I am not doing much better 4 weeks later but I am trying. I started getting angry somewhere along the line and actually found that emotion to be a relief.
It's much easier being angry than being sad.
I'm trying very hard to deal with his loss. It's a tiny bit better these last few days but I'm thinking this as good as it's going to get. I know as everyone tells me..that Henry would not want me to be like this and that it's hurting him to see me like this.
I guess that's what we should focus on . It would be the same for us if we had passed on ahead of our babies. The last thing we would want is for them to be so grief stricken. We would want them to carry on and be happy.
Many many Hugs...