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Gingers_Mommy

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Reply with quote  #211 
Dear Jinglesmom, Thank you so much for your words of comfort and shared grief, it's an immense help. Yes I def feel like I was robbed of time with her and would give anything to have back, to spend more time with her. I hope Ginger meets up with Jingles and Pootie Tang and they can run around happily. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Xo
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JinglesMom

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Reply with quote  #212 
Hi Jingles, Jasper, and Pootie Tang,

The days are getting shorter now and the nights seem to last so long. There is a chill in the air, and soon the crisp and cool fall days will be upon us. Autumn always used to be my favorite time of year, but not anymore, because you are not here with me to enjoy it. Winter lies before me, and you are so far away, oh what I would give to bring you back home to me for one more moment in time. Do you remember how we used to love to watch the snowflakes fall gently from our window? Do you remember how you would curl up in my lap and purr ever so sweetly? Do you remember our bright and shiny days together, filled with such happiness and joy? Do you remember how I would reach out my arm to you in the middle of the darkness of the night, and pull you just a little bit closer?

I am not looking forward to this new season, for some reason the changing of the seasons always seems to bring me right back to square one again. All of the healing that I thought had taken place seems to be just an illusion or perhaps a hopeful respite from the sadness and despair. Can someone go on the rest of their life feeling so bad, I just don't know, but I do know that I will never ever forget you, and every single time I write to you, it reinforces our bond and strengthens our connection. So I will keep writing, and I will keep talking to you and calling out your name, and you will be an ever present part of my life and my world, even though you may seem so far away. But when all is said and done, I know in my heart of hearts that you are truly just a breath and a heartbeat away.

Sometimes I wish I could just hit fast forward and skip through this time of year, because my heart is so battered and so torn. How in the world am I going to do Christmas without you, how in the world am I going to do the rest of my life without you?  I just miss you with every ounce of my being, and you not being here feels so wrong, and nothing will ever make it right. Stay strong my little ones and know that we will be together again when the time is right, and I will run to you like I have never run before, and I will scoop you up in my arms, and we will do our little dance, but this time, I will hold onto you ever so tightly, and never ever let you go again. I am so happy, so blessed, and beyond grateful to have been your mommy here on this earth and now across the Heavens. God only knows how much I love you, and I know that He will take such good care of you until I get there. As long as I am living your mommy I will be, as long as I am living, my sweet babies you will be.

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Pamela Lynne Crawford
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Gingers_Mommy

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Reply with quote  #213 
Your letter to your babies have reached my heart bcs they echo many of my own thoughts and feelings. 😭😭😭 Thank you sharing.
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JinglesMom

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Reply with quote  #214 
Thank you Gingers_Mommy for your very kind words and reply to my letter to my babies. I truly do believe that no time, distance, or physical separation could ever break the special bond we have with our little ones. Whenever I write to my Jingles, Jasper, and Pootie Tang, my tears may fall like rain, but there is also such a comfort in staying so closely connected to them. The bond cannot be broken, and no one can ever take the sweet memories I made with them away from me. I don't want these memories though, I want them back with me where they belong, but God in his infinite wisdom does have the perfect plan, and one day we will know the answer.

But to quote the words of one of my favorite songs "I'm jealous of the angels." I just miss them so much, with every ounce of my being, but I don't have to tell you that, because you feel the same about your sweet Ginger Spice. I love that name by the way, and it fits your orange and white tabby girl so perfectly. Her sweetness and her beautiful spirit shine right through your pics of her. I hope that you can find some peace in knowing that you gave your kitty such a wonderful life while she was here on this earth with you, and I am just so sorry it was cut so short. Your sweet girl would want you to remember her with a smile instead of tears, and one day that will happen, but it does take time. I am still a work in progress with that one. I thought I would post some photos of my kitties to give you an idea what they look like, plus I am such a proud mama, and seeing their pictures always does wonders for my heart and soul. The first one is my darling Jingles, the second one is my beloved Jasper, and the last two are of my itty bitty kitty Pootie Tang. Take care, JinglesMom

jingles.jpg  Jasper.jpg  pootie tang hearts.jpg  pootie tang profile.jpg 


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Pamela Lynne Crawford
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Gingers_Mommy

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Reply with quote  #215 
@ Jinglesmom,

The pictures are all beautiful 😍, what precious gorgeous babies.

I'm working on remembering our happy times. It's a process.
Thank you for sharing. It's an immense help. πŸ’›
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JinglesMom

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Reply with quote  #216 
Hi my sweet babies,
I wanted to share this very special song, because it could have been written for you. I would give absolutely anything to be able to find you and bring you home again. I can only hope and pray that this beautiful melody with such heartfelt words travel on the wind, across the sky, and beyond the rainbow...to where you are. Stay strong my dear little ones, every day that passes by brings me one day closer to you. Mommy loves you forever and a day.

  https://youtu.be/LMpwWSFEvEY

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Pamela Lynne Crawford
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JinglesMom

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Reply with quote  #217 
My dearest Jingles, Jasper, and Pootie Tang,
Oh how I miss you my sweet little ones. The light from your candles will never go out, so I know that you will always be able to find your way back home. Look for the flame, feel for the warmth, and hold onto my love for you, a love that can transcend time and space, and a love that knows no bounds. I will carry you in my heart and soul for the rest of my life, until our eyes meet once again. I lost all three of you in the coldness and darkness of winter, and this dreaded season lies before me once again. I can already feel the grey and the bleakness coming, so please let me know you are still so close. I need you now more than I have ever needed you before. Sometimes it feels like my heart is breaking all over again, because I do not know how to exist in a world where you do not. Sending sparkles of light on the stars and hugs and kisses on the wind to you my special little angels.

tattered bear.jpg 


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Pamela Lynne Crawford
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JinglesMom

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Reply with quote  #218 
My dearest Jingles, Jasper, and Pootie Tang,

I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you. Not one single day goes by that you are not in my thoughts and in my heart. Sometimes you feel so close, and then at other times you feel so far away. Sometimes it feels as though you were just here yesterday, and then at other times it feels like you have been gone forever. I hope you know that I miss you with every fiber of my being. Winter lies before me, and I so dread the cold, the gray skies, and the bleakness of it all. I remember when you were here, how we used to cuddle up on our bed together, and watch out the window as the gentle snowflakes would fall. It is just going to be so different now without you here. I am trying to be strong, but it is just so hard to exist in a world where you do not. Giving you back was the hardest thing I have ever done, right next to learning to live without you. Sending hugs and kisses on the wind to you my sweet little angels, Mommy



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Pamela Lynne Crawford
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JinglesMom

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Reply with quote  #219 
We may not be able to see them with our eyes, but we can always feel them with our heart. They are as close to us now as when they were physically here, but we have to have faith in that we cannot see. I have received the sweetest little signs and messages from my three dear little angels in Heaven above, to make all of these tiny pieces of my heart begin to come back together again. Stay open and receptive, there are no coincidences in this life, everything happens for a reason, and whatever is meant to be will always find a way. The power of love can always help them find their way back to us, to let us know they are safe and happy in their beautiful new world, while they wait for the most amazing reunion of them all. Love can and always will find a way, but we have to believe.


believe.jpg 




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Pamela Lynne Crawford
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JinglesMom

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Reply with quote  #220 
My dearest Jingles, Jasper, and Pootie Tang,

There is a hole in my heart that can never be filled, there is an emptiness in my life that will remain, until our eyes meet once again. I hope you know that not a day goes by that I don't think about you, and if I had only one wish in this whole wide world, it would be that you were still right here with me, or that I was right there with you in your beautiful new world. I miss you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow. I will keep your candles burning brightly so that you will always be able to find your way back home. I learned so much from you with your sweetness, your strength, and your courage, but you never taught me how I was supposed to live the rest of my life without you. Thank you for the sweet signs and beautiful messages that so warm my heart and soul and let me know that you are still so close. Thank you for coming into my life, thank you for choosing me, but most of all, thank you for loving me not only just here on this earth but beyond the rainbow as well. My sweet babies, mommy is reaching out her arms to you and is holding onto you ever so tightly, and will never ever let you go.rainbow.jpg 



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Pamela Lynne Crawford
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JinglesMom

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Reply with quote  #221 
My dearest Jingles, Jasper, and Pootie Tang,

The days are passing by endlessly it seems, sometimes I feel that I am watching this world go by from the inside out, because so much of my heart and soul is right there with you now in your beautiful new world. I remember after losing you how everything seemed to be in slow motion, and life itself felt so surreal, as though I were watching a very sad movie or was lost in a nightmare, and all I wanted to do was wake up. All I wanted to do was walk back through my door and see you there waiting for me, waiting for me to scoop you up in my arms and tell you how much I loved you and missed you. All I wanted was for this to be some horrible mistake, because it just felt so wrong, and nothing would ever make it right.

Do you remember our little dance, how I would put on our favorite songs and pick you up, and we would twirl around to the music? You might have acted like you didn't like it, but I know better, you loved it as much as I did. I would give anything to hold you in my arms once again, breathe in your sweet scent, kiss your sweet little faces, and hug you like there is no tomorrow. There will be a tomorrow for us, I promise you this my sweet babies, our story is far from over. Take care my special little ones, and know that every single day that passes by brings me one day closer to you. My sweet little angels, keep shining brightly and light my path, so I will always be able to find my way back to you. Mommy loves you more than all of the stars in the sky...forever and a day.

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Pamela Lynne Crawford
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Bailey15

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Reply with quote  #222 
Hi Pamela,

I can relate so much ~ I remember how everything seemed so surreal after we had to let Bailey go.

I’m sure that Jingles, Jasper and Pootie Tang loved the dance, just like they loved their wonderful mom!!!

You’re so right: they taught us so much .. but not how to live without them. πŸ˜”

Thinking of you my friend and sending hugs!
MJ ❀️
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JinglesMom

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Reply with quote  #223 
Hi MJ,

Thank you so much for your kind reply, your sweet words always mean so very much to me. I know that you can so relate to the surreal nature of such a deep and profound loss, because you endured the same sadness and pain with having to say such a sad goodbye to your beautiful Bailey. I can recall that when each of my dear kitties crossed over, the whole sequence of events just felt so unreal, as though it was some tragic mistake of the universe, and I would often hope that someway, somehow, everything would go back to the way it was. I suppose that was my mind's protective mechanism kicking in, allowing denial to keep some of the shock at bay. Your words about my little ones loving our dance were just so sweet and really did make me smile. My Jingles, Jasper, and Pootie Tang knew that once in awhile when mommy came home from work, that she was just so happy and filled with joy to see them, that she could not help herself. We did have so much fun together, and I did my best to make sure that they always felt safe, and warm, and loved. I do know one thing, when all is said and done, they knew then and they know now how much I cherish them, and this gives my heart some much needed peace. I also know with absolute certainty that they loved me to the moon and back, and I was their whole world, as they were mine. We all just came together at just the perfect time, and I am beyond grateful to have had them in my life. They showed me what it means to share a truly special love that knows no bounds.

Your closing words were absolutely beautiful and so very true, they taught us so much, but how to live without them. I used to think that giving them back was the hardest thing I have ever done, but now I know that what is even harder is going to sleep every night without them, waking up every morning without them, and learning to exist in a world where they do not. But they are tucked away safely in a special corner of my heart and I carry them with me wherever I go. I may not be able to reach out and touch them, but sometimes I can still feel them so close, and the little subtle messages and signs they send me keep me going to face another day. I used to be so scared that their memory would fade from my world, but nothing could be further from the truth. They are as close to me now as when they were physically here, and they will never ever leave my heart. I just miss them so much, with every fiber of my being, and I know that you can so understand, because you miss your sweet little one just as much. Thank you again MJ with all my heart, from the very beginning of my grief struggle, you have been there for me, with your kind words of encouragement and support, with your wonderful understanding and compassion, and with your beautiful messages so filled with hope and faith to keep me going without the little loves of my life. I am so grateful for your friendship on this forum, and I want to thank you for showing me that the storm cannot last forever, and for giving me that little light of hope to hold onto in the midst of the darkness, you have made such a difference. Sending hugs your way, Pamela

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Pamela Lynne Crawford
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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #224 
Oh Pamela,
Your words to your trio of angels is so so true.  It was, as you and MJ say, so surreal after saying goodbye and yet even today it seems as if one is sleep-walking through life.  Where has all the color gone?  Where has the joy without pain gone?  Where has the light gone?  Everything moves differently and seems so so 'hollow', so 'shallow', so 'pretend'...We are so lucky to have had our fur angels choose us for their time and to make each of us their purpose...what we didn't maybe realize is how much each of them were our purpose too.  And now, while they know they are never finished with us (as we are human after all) we seem to struggle to find them in their new realm, and share their new adventures.  I can just see your Jingles, Jasper and Pootie Tang sighing heavily along with all their new found fur friends in understanding we so fight what is so natural to them.  A different realm, a different plane, a different form...they are still teaching us, guiding us and looking out for us.  We are for them always those 'works in progress'.  
I can see you three dancing about the home, pure comfort and happiness in just being together.  So simple, yet so so important now.  And within each a heart filled with love, acceptance and comfort in the knowledge you are the family.  Your sweet babies can feel each touch of your hand, each beat of your heart and can hear each word spoken.  Our despair is evidence of their continued 'purpose' - never shall the task be done, and never shall those silky bonds of love be broken or frayed.
Each day and still each day, Jasper, Pootie Tang and Jingles knew and know how deeply loved they are.  You were and are their whole world and for them there is no separation.  I often think our fur angels must 'shake their heads' at our inability to surrender to what they know and feel to be, at our constant questioning and looking for a 'logical' explanation...Perhaps one of their lessons is that often there are no 'logical explanations' - and also that 'learning how to live without them' is something we struggle to do when they know they haven't left us.  Their form has changed, but not their spirit, their soul, their companionship.  For love is continual, constant and unchangeable for them - as you said Pamela, "a truly special love that knows no bounds".  I know that despite our 'intuitive moments', or those unmistakeable signs from our special fur ones we struggle with a changed life.  We sometimes 'fight' through those days in which we feel hollow, empty, lost and further deepen our despair with questions, guilt, maybes and wishes while at times we give in to the anguish, the tears that can not stop and the ache that leaves us hurting always.  
Your angels will always be at your side, their light is that of that special bond, that special love of fur and your paths will always be connected, one will always lead to the other.  As you spread your arms to hug Jasper, Jingles and Pootie Tang know they too spread those fur angel wings to engulf you Pamela in their forever warmth and care.  No one knows us like our special fur ones - and for this we are so grateful each day...The missing is in itself an entity - an entity born of that love and bond - who we now are is because of our time with our special fur ones and our time now we must endure without.  And, while we may search for who we are many days now it is a search our fur ones know is unnecessary - we are still who they love, who they cherish and who they feel nothing but safety and security with.  They can not teach us how to live without them, because in their world, 'wisdom' and hearts we are never apart.  We are just so lost without that tangible, physical presence and affection...why, they all sigh and know we are their forever 'project' and 'purpose'.  
So sorry for rambling on and on Pamela,  I have struggled recently with those waves of grief still after all this time myself and am not sure how much 'sense' (see, that search for 'logic'!) any of this makes.  We are all looking, wishing, wondering and hoping...
Never doubt angels with fur walk with you - you are loved so eternally by your Jasper, your Jingles and your sweet little Pootie Tang.
Many hugs for you.
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JinglesMom

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Reply with quote  #225 
Dear CKMP,

Thank you so much for your beautiful words so filled with such an amazing compassion and understanding. It is always so good to hear from you, and your messages never fail to heal my heart and give me hope and promise for the future, in spite of losing the three little loves of my life. You are so right, where has the light gone, where has the color gone, where has the joy gone? Your perception is amazing when you wrote "everything moves differently and seems so hollow, so shallow, so pretend". It is almost like we are going through the motions and are basically existing instead of living, looking for the colors but seeing only grey, looking for the light, but being engulfed in the darkness, looking for the joy, but finding only the pain.

Oh how I love your outlook and your positivity in the face of this roller coaster of a grief journey. That is so true that "they did make each of us their purpose, but maybe what we didn't realize is how much each of them were our purpose too." "We do seem to struggle to find them in their new realm, and share their new adventures". I suppose that we are in a world that so values scientific explanations and logical conclusions, but all is not always as it seems. Just because we cannot see something, or reach out and touch something, does not mean it is not there. I have always been such a creative person and what some would call a believer in that which we cannot see, but sometimes the emptiness of it all just seems to come over me, and causes me to lose sight of the new and wonderful relationship with our lost little ones which is possible only with faith. Sometimes my precious little ones seem so close to me, as though their sweet spirit is right here beside me, and at other times they just feel so far away.

I love how you wrote that our fur angels must shake their heads at our inability to what they know to feel and be, at our constant questioning and looking for a logical explanation. You have such a way with words CKMP, and I can come here feeling so sad and defeated, but after reading your warm and wonderful reply, it is as though I realize that I have lost sight of what is truly important, and real, and your words so often give it all back to me. You are so right when you say that we are such a work in progress to our fur babies. They know with absolute certainty that they will see us again, that they can see us even now, it is just our sometimes shaky belief that contributes to our despair. You write "Our despair is evidence of their continued purpose". That is very deep indeed, your words are always so deep and it is obvious how you always write straight from your heart. The emotions and beauty in your posts are evidence of your pure and complete understanding of this new relationship we can have with them, beyond this realm.

I do know that my Jasper, Jingles, and Pootie Tang will always be at my side, and that their light is that special bond, and our paths will always be connected, and will always lead to the other. Those words you wrote are truly music to my ears, nothing could ever give me more comfort and peace than knowing this. The pain of separation was just so brutal and so final and so absolutely devastating, that sometimes it gets in the way my knowing that they are still here, in every way that counts. Oh my gosh, your insight and wisdom is truly amazing. "They cannot teach us how to live without them, because in their world, "wisdom" and hearts we are never apart. We are just so lost without that tangible physical presence and affection." Your words give me such peace in my heart when I seem to be so desperately searching for something that is really right here beside me and has been all this time. Sometimes I suppose we cannot see the forest for the trees, and we cannot see our beautiful special little ones trying so hard to let us know they are still so close and will always and forever be in our life. 

Thank you CKMP with all of my heart for your incredible kindness, for your beautiful and healing words, and for letting me know that the color is still here in my world, the light is still here in my world, and the joy is still here in my world. Thank you for letting me see that the love that knows no bounds can conquer even death, and that love will always find a way. Thank you for being there for me in the midst of the darkness, thank you for helping to heal my broken heart, thank you for being the very sweet and special person you are. Your two beautiful girls must be beyond proud of their mom. Sending many hugs your way, Pamela 


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Pamela Lynne Crawford
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