Friday, my husband and I had to let our almost 4 year old Labrador be put down. She had two bad knees (both back legs). We had no way to pay for the services she would have needed to repair them. We have been struggling even to just get by lately due to the COVID-19 pandemic. This was the first time either of us had to ever have a pet be put to rest. And to be honest, it was a very traumatic thing to watch. She was perfectly healthy other than having two blown out knees. She has been in pain for awhile, and was even on pain medication. But she was never truly herself. So we made the most difficult decision that it wasn’t fair to her to live in pain. The day came, and I prepared myself the best that I could. But to actually go through it, it’s life changing and traumatic. She was her awake self one moment, and a couple seconds later, she’s not even moving. And she’s on her way out. It happened so fast. I am having a difficult time grasping what I saw and dealing with the guilt of having to make this decision. I do know it was for her comfort, but I was so focused on doing right by her, that I forgot how I was going to handle it afterwards. 
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There are oh so many people that are feeling exactly the way you are now.  It's been 6-1/2 months since I lost my Shadow, and I awake every day to relive the nightmare of losing her.  She was so much more than just my family member.  We were connected on a soul deep level.  When I lost her, my world came crashing down.  I don't live now, I just survive.  I have seen two counselors and talked to many people, but it still haunts me.  It is the hardest thing I have ever been through.  Nothing life can throw at me will ever be this hard again.  So sorry for your loss.  Prayers for you for peace and comfort.
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I am so sorry for your loss. Never ever let your lack of finances determine your guilt. Love is more powerful than money. Celebrities with all the money in the world still lose their pets.

I once heard a beautiful story about the love between homeless people and their pets:


I know the feeling when you say it is traumatic and life changing and I don't think any of us are prepared how to handle afterwards. Sending you love.

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