I just put my 12 year old cocker spaniel down June 8th. She was orginally diagnosed with Bronchitis (was weezing/gagging) the week before and put on antibiotics. She went downhill from there, and we fought with her every night to eat dinner. The vet gave her Predadone which made her very lethergic. Finally she refused to eat anything, and actually grinded her teeth together to prevent us from feeding her (so she wasnt taking her medicine either). She spent her birthday (June 2) bring coerced to eat her favorite meal. We noticed that one of her eyes was buldging, and she had a bad case of red eyes more often than not in the past few weeks (Dr. said it was allergies).
Turns out we brought her to the vet again on Sunday June 6th to see her usual vet. The dog was panting, and the doctor instantly noticed the dogs eye and she shut off the light and saw a big mass in the back palette of the dog's mouth. Sunday and Monday night I barely sleep. I heard her roaming around the apt. making choking and weezing noises. then when I got up, she would run into another room. She couldn't find a place for herself.
We brought her back Tuesday morning for an biopsy/endoscopy to find out that it didn't spread, but it would be a big ordeal and difficult because she refuses to eat.
The doctor called and gave us the news, and expressed her concerns because the dog was weak and not eating, otherwise she wanted us to continue treament. The doctor put her down while she was under anesthesia.
Deep inside mom and I said our goodbyes, we knew on Sunday that we didn't want the dog to suffer with chemo/rediation and surgery (with reconstructing her mouth). We especially felt that she was in pain, and lost weight and was just laying around the house.
I hard a very heard time the first few days, it has gotten a little easier. I felt guilt, for not taking her home Tuesday night and giving her a chance or rushing her to the Animal Medical Center immediately when the antibiotics didn't help. Her labored breathing could've been from the tumor or the bronchitis and maybe a different doctor would've noticed her eye and made the connection quicker.
I've read the poen "Rainbow Bridge" and it breaks my heart. Tuesday morning she found 2 handballs and ran down the hallway to the apt with them. Kissed me and rolled all around on the rug. Then an hour later she was laying around again (like dead weight when you touched her). How can a dog go from one extreme to another? She had more bad days than good these past few weeks.
The apt. is still eery and quiet without her. I worry about my dad, he retired 10 years ago and she was with him everyday since. He kept saying that he wants to die before the dog. We ordered her ashes and they should be here next week. I'm not sure thats going to help us grieve. However, I think if something happens to my dad the ashes should be buried with him.
I think we did the right thing we had to end her suffering (or she would've gotten weaker and starved to death) but it still hurts so much. I have nightmares of saying goodbye as the vet technician carried her out of the room and listening to her roam the apt as a healthy happy dog then roaming her last few nights and making noises. I am thinking of joining an animal grievance group or seeing a therapist that specializes in grieving.