Manjack
I have frequently read on this forum that grief is a roller coaster. Today marks 4 weeks since we lost our little dog, Oreo. I am in a deep, dark valley today.
It just hurts so badly. I know there are no easy answers but I was hoping that after a month I would start to cope with this a little better.
This is the only pet we have ever had and I will admit I was not prepared for the magnitude of the loss.
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tootsiesmom
It has been 3 weeks and 3 days since we lost our Tootsie. I feel the exact same way. I thought the pain would lessen some by now. At times it hits like a ton of bricks.   We  have had other pets, but none like Tootsie.  We just have to hang in there-it has to get easier at some point.
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Squeakysmum
My thoughts are with you. Yesterday I lost my beloved cat, Merlin. he was only 2.he was run over just a few metres from home.We live in a very quiet area with lots of bush. He went missing the day before and we looked for him but it was not until morning that I found him. I will never forget the little black and white paws sticking out of the curb. He was there the night before but never saw him. I keep thinking what if he could hear me, was it still alive and that my baby died alone.he was so close to being safe, just a few meters. i am hoping that he died instantly and that the person that killed him put him on the curb. He did not have  a mark on him, he just looked asleep. This was the most traumatic think in my life and I am in so much pain and so is my husband and Merlin's brother Mr Pip. I have lost 2 cats before Merlin, Squeaky to Cancer (he was 10)  and Rosina to old age (16) They both died within a month of each other and that was very painful but I accepted it a lot more.They both died at home with us. It did get easier and then we were ready to open our hearts once more.With Merlin I am so angry I could not protect him and it was so unexpected the guilt of his being so little and alone in his death is killing me. Last night I was so desperate and in pain I asked him for a sign. I had placed a pink rose on his grave earlier. I said,Merlin, if you are ok move that rose elsewhere. I forgotten about it until morning and when I went to the grave the rose was gone. A calm floodded in me as I believe it was his way to say he is ok. Of course it could have been moved by lots of factors or eaten by a possum but the timing of it was too much of a coincidence. If you think I am crazy or deluded that's ok but I welcome   any relief from this dagger in my heart. Stay strong and believe your darling pets love you and don't want to see you hurting.

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heartsick


I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet precious Oreo.

The beginning raw searing pain of new grief is just awful.

They take a piece of us when they go,

But they leave a piece of them with us also.

Grief is awful and there is nothing else like this pain.

I am divorced - when I was married I buried my son- at that time I became a Certified Grief Counselor- I used the same graveside service for my Bear as I did for my son.

Please know that when we lose someone we love we don't stop loving them -

LOVE NEVER DIES.

The soul bound connection that is between our babies and ourselves is forever.

Nothing - not death- tears -grief - or sadness will ever break the ties between us for those ties are made of LOVE so strong that NOTHING will ever sever those connections.

LOVE NEVER DIES.

When we grieve for those we love it is because we do not quite know how to live without them. We breathe because we have no choice but the living part takes a huge amount of learning and time.

Grief is not something we get over but something that we learn -slowly- over time- to incorporate into our lives until it becomes a part of us like our bones and our breath.

Please know that we all understand here and we are all here for you.

Please come back and tell us more about your life with your beautiful baby so we can get to know Oreo better through you.

We are all in this together and all walking the same roller coaster path of grief together -

some a bit ahead of you, some by your side, and some will come behind for you to help along.

If you read the beginning of any one of our threads you will see yourself. I, literally, walked in circles wringing my hands. My chest constantly hurt as I was unknowingly holding my breath.

You Are In My Thoughts.                                      

Susan(heartsick)

 

In one of the stars, I shall be living.

In one of them, I shall be laughing.

And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.

~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery

 

 

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Manjack
Tootsies mom, Squeakysmum and Heartsick,
Thank you for replying to my post. I am in sore need of encouragement this weekend. I am going to tell Oreo' story in the hopes that it will help as I don't have anyone to talk to here. My husband is grieving as deeply as I am but he prefers not to talk about Oreo.

OREO'S STORY

He was a toy poodle, the runt of his litter, so pretty small. As a puppy he was a white and black ball of fluff.He belonged to a family of four with whom he spent the first 4 years of his life. They are relatives so we would often babysit him on weekends. Weekends became long weekends, then he eventually stole our hearts and moved in permanently.
My husband and I never had children so we poured every ounce of love we had into this tiny creature who do captivated us. Our lives changed in that our world now revolved around him and I will admit we spoiled him. He was a very affectionate dog who loved to cuddle and craved physical touch. As soon as I sat in the morning with my coffee two little paws came up on the edge of the couch and his eyes said " pick me up". If I was reading the paper he would push it out of the way with his nose and plop himself on my lap. He slept with us. My husband would say "he is not big but he sure takes a lot of room". He had no qualms about trying to push us to the edge of the bed. He loved to go for walks especially in his younger years.
Oreo was pretty timid, he would jump at loud noises; he was afraid of large trucks and would cower if one passed when we were out walking. He seemed to lose his fear if we met a big dog. He would bark and growl (as if he could do any damage lol). He is the only pet we ever had. I do not know much about dogs so some years back I discovered that the walks were way too long for such a small dog. He started to have trouble with one of his back hips. Fortunately the problem resolved itself when the vet advised I cut back on his physical exercise.
In the winter my husband would put him inside his skidoo suit as he did not want Oreo to have cold paws. Did I mention that he was spoiled? He was pretty intelligent. He came to us as understanding only English but quickly picked up a second language, French. He hated riding in the car but would lick the windows and always tried to get out of his seatbelt.
During the last couple of years we could see the effects of aging. He stopped going for walks, slept a lot, his black fur turned to grey, he was starting to get a film over his eyes but nothing alarming until recently. As we have winter he had not been for grooming in quite a while as we found him too pitiful outdoors in the cold with very little fur. Oreo began throwing up about 6 weeks before he died. Throwing up was nothing new for him. He was a little delicate and the least thing would upset his stomach. The vomit was mostly yellow foam. He did not often throw up his food. I mentioned this to the vet when I went there to pick up some Sentinel for him. I was advised to bring him in immediately if he began vomiting blood.
Alarm bells rang when a couple of weeks later I came home and he did not meet me at the door, tail wagging and barking as he usually did. He was lying on the couch, he looked up at me, then laid back down. He did not seem to bother much with his food, though he continued to drink. I had previously scheduled an appointment for the vomiting but I got on the phone that afternoon and scheduled an emergency appointment for the next day. When they weighed him I was shocked. His weight had dropped from 7 pounds to a little over 3 pounds. I feel so guilty that we did not notice this drop in weight as he had so much fur from not having been to the groomers. He had x Rays, blood tests etc . They could find nothing unusual in the blood work but x rays showed a mass. The vet' s best guess was cancer. They recommended ultrasound. They sent us home with special food, meds to stop vomiting and an appointment for an ultrasound 3 days later. He came home and the meds to prevent vomiting worked, he never threw up again and he gained a little weight over the next 3 days. The ultrasound was inconclusive so it was sent to a specialist for a second opinion. By then he was getting noticeably weaker and he was hospitalized for 2 days. The results of the ultrasound came back from the specialist saying the mass they detected was not a big concern . We took him home from the animal hospital with More meds, more special food to deal with anemia that he had developed. We took him home, he refused to eat and fought taking the pills. I went back and got all the meds that I could in liquid form and a food that I could mix with broth and I fed him hourly for 3 days with a syringe to try and build him up. When the vet called on Saturday, April 11th to check on him I told her that he was not gaining strength. She asked about his poop and I told her it was black. She told me that Oreo was bleeding internally. Another emergency visit, they redid the blood work and we were planning a blood transfusion. When the blood test results came back they were not good. That visit is like a bad dream in my mind but the problem was with the white blood cell count. He had an enlarged heart, a heart murmur and would not survive anaesthesia or surgery. It was time. My husband could not stay but I could not leave him alone so I stayed until the end. The vet gave him a sedative and he fell asleep. I held him in my arms for about 10 minutes just repeating over and over "I love you Oreo". When she gave him the final needle she barely had time to get her stethoscope on , he was so weak and so sick he died quickly. I can still see his dead little body on the blanket in my mind.
Oreo would have been 13 in August.
I have been crying all weekend. I go over and over in my mind "should I have taken him to the vet earlier?" We still don't know what caused his sickness. I gave the vet ( who was wonderful) permission to do an autopsy in the hopes that it might help somebody else's pet. I don't know if I should call her and ask for the results or not. The night he died I told her that I did not want the results as it would not change anything. Any advice?
I do not have access to grief counselling where I live. Is what I am going through normal after a month or do I need professional help?
That is a short version of Oreo's story. Nobody could ever know how much joy and happiness that little dog brought into our lives. We treated him like the baby we never had.
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nancynancy
Manjack,
We are all the same! I lost my Zaki 4 months ago this Thursday, and I am still a mess and I don't think I will ever stop crying. Don't be so harsh on yourself, you are just a human being who loves their pet as much as you can love anything, it is normal. We are with our fur babies more than some humans, and our relationships are "unconditional" with them. For this reason, I think loosing them is the hardest loss we can experience. You are not alone! "Death ends a life, not a relationship", you will always have that to hold onto!
Nancy and forever Zaki
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Manjack
Thank you USA online and nancy nancy for weighing in on my post.
My post was 15 days ago and I have done a great deal of reading about surviving pet loss in the last two weeks.
Oreo was the only pet we ever had so this is a first time experience for us. I will be the first to admit that I was in no way prepared for life without him.
I continue to struggle but take comfort when I read posts like yours. At least I know that my reactions are not unusual or abnormal.
As I enter my 7th week I do feel I am making a little progress in learning to readjust my reality. The grief comes and goes as opposed to the every waking moment situation of the first weeks.
I am grateful for your advice.
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ebbsmom
Just read Oreo's story.  There's no way to go through this easily.  He sounds like a very special, and incredibly loved member of your family.  Thanks for sharing it!
Love you to the moon and back....
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heartsick

I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet precious Oreo.

The beginning raw searing pain of new grief is just awful.

They take a piece of us when they go,

But they leave a piece of them with us also.

Grief is awful and there is nothing else like this pain.

I am divorced - when I was married I buried my son- at that time I became a Certified Grief Counselor- I used the same graveside service for my Bear as I did for my son.

Please know that when we lose someone we love we don't stop loving them -

LOVE NEVER DIES.

The soul bound connection that is between our babies and ourselves is forever.

Nothing - not death- tears -grief - or sadness will ever break the ties between us for those ties are made of LOVE so strong that NOTHING will ever sever those connections.

LOVE NEVER DIES.

When we grieve for those we love it is because we do not quite know how to live without them. We breathe because we have no choice but the living part takes a huge amount of learning and time.

Grief is not something we get over but something that we learn -slowly- over time- to incorporate into our lives until it becomes a part of us like our bones and our breath.

Please know that we all understand here and we are all here for you.

Please come back and tell us more about your life with your beautiful baby so we can get to know him better through you.

We are all in this together and all walking the same roller coaster path of grief together -

some a bit ahead of you, some by your side, and some will come behind for you to help along.

If you read the beginning of any one of our threads you will see yourself. I, literally, walked in circles wringing my hands. My chest constantly hurt as I was unknowingly holding my breath.

You Are In My Thoughts.                                      

Susan(heartsick)

 

In one of the stars, I shall be living.

In one of them, I shall be laughing.

And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.

~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery

 

 

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MyBella
Thinking of you today, hard to believe 9 weeks have gone by already for you, time seems to be going quicker each week we are away from our treasured loved ones.
Oreo will always be with you, never will he leave your side and his love for you will never end, as yours for him will only grow stronger with each passing week.

I know how much you miss him and his furry ears, I hope you and your husband are able to take some time today and cherish the fond memories of Oreo and the laughs and fun times he provided for you, I know it is hard to do on this day, but do know Oreo is with the two of you every step of the way. No matter where you are or where you go, Oreo's soft foot steps will always be with you.

Sending healing positive thoughts to you and your husband for today and every day.

In Friendship, Don & Vera

[image]
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heartsick
I am so very sorry you are having such a rough day.
Grief is a terrible roller coaster of emotions.
We can go up and down from moment to moment let alone day to day.
This is no fun and not easy.

We go four steps forward and then five steps back - then three forward and four back.
People say that someone has "suffered" a loss because it is most definitely suffering.

Unless someone has loved another being more than themselves they won't understand the
pain and suffering of Grief.

We are here for you and we Do understand.

I am sending you much love and a long hug so you can cry on my shoulder.

I care.

Susan (heartsick)



GRIEF - BRIGHTEST STAR - I LOVE YOU.jpg 



Dog - star in the sky.jpg 




In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery

 

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Manjack
Thank you Don and Susan.
Saturdays are not my favourite days but I plugged through another one, the 9th since Oreo died. The roller coaster analogy is very appropriate. Some days are valleys; others....maybe halfway up the mountain? I am trying to focus on happy times and great memories as I certainly have plenty of those.
I appreciate that you took the time to post on my thread and that you wish me well.
I have been trying to make sure that something good comes out of this experience through volunteer activities etc. but I must add that it has also introduced me to a group of caring, compassionate people that I would not otherwise have encountered in my day to day life.
In return I wish you strength in dealing with your loss.
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MyBella
Sending you positive healing thoughts today on Oreo's 10th week, I hope you and your husband take some time to reflect on all the fun, happy moments your fury ear handsome boy gave you. I love his ears, as I know you both did as well.
So great that you are involved with your volunteering at the SPCA, it is because of you that other animals get the love and attention they deserve, I have such respect for you and the time you are giving.

Please be gentle with yourself today, I know it is easier said than done as it is a roller coaster of emotions.

You and your husband are always in our thoughts and prayers.

In Friendship, Don & Vera
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